


She's Back

by Joey_Westwife



Series: She's Back [2]
Category: Westlife
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Best Friends, Betrayal, Boyband, Domestic Violence, Ex Girlfriend, Facing Your Fears, Jealousy, Lies, Love, M/M, MarKian, Marriage Proposal, Postnatal depression, Secrets, Shnicky - Freeform, bad memories, secret love child, unwelcomed return
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 09:21:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 63,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14102331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joey_Westwife/pseuds/Joey_Westwife
Summary: The happy couple are asked to create a boyband but when Shane discovers his psycho ex is back in town, she begins to destroy his life all over again - at what should be the happiest time of their relationship. She's been keeping secrets but how will they affect Shane's life now?(2 chapters were previously missing from this work. Re-added 18/6/18)





	1. Chapter 1

The first 6 months of the boy’s relationship was constantly on par with the first month they spent dating. Everyone could see they were meant to be together once they'd gotten over the shock of them both coming out.   
Mae and Yvonne became dear friends and Shane managed to keep the café’s head above water until he found someone he trusted to take over the duties. He tried to help out at the stables as much as possible too but he only slept there at the cottage on the days he wasn't working for the other family business. The other time he spent at Nicky's place, slowly leaving more and more of his belongings there from the bedroom at his parent’s. It was a while before they noticed most of his stuff was in Nicky's house but once they'd discussed it, the boys agreed Shane may as well move in officially. He'd been meaning to look for a real place of his own before he started at the Sligo branch but he'd been so fixated on Nicky, it didn't seem such of a priority and then suddenly it was no problem at all. 

Work was commencing on the accounting firm’s unit, coincidentally situated just 3 shops away from the Carlton café. Shane hadn't yet decided if this was a blessing or a hindrance but he was airing on the side of blessing. It meant he could get decent meals for free during his lunch break and he could walk to work with Nicky twice a week on the days he detoured for his bacon, and now more regularly a sausage, bap and coffee. If Mae was on the till to offer the free sausage, her favourite customer and nearly son, often either didn't get charged at all or found he was given 50% more change from the cost. Breakfast for €2 was nothing so Nicky often placed his extra change back into the tip jar with a wink.   
Mae was so in love with Nicky. She looked at him with admiration in her eyes for making her own son so happy. She didn't begrudge him of taking so much of Shane's time away from her; she still saw him more now than she did when he lived in Dublin. 

Today was no exception to the rule. The blonde made his way into the café with Shane in tow. Although the branch wasn't officially open yet, Shane was helping to arrange the filing and furniture to suit his specifications. There was a supply manager on hand to keep things on form until Shane's training was underway but he already felt like he was the boss. 

"Morning Mam." Shane kissed his mum's cheek as she shuffled back around the counter with dirty plates. "How 'ye today?"

"Grand, grand. How are you Nicky?" She replied, ignoring her son further. 

Nicky laughed at Shane rolling his eyes. "All good Mrs. F thanks. Start my new role today." 

"Oh wonderful. I'm sure Mark will miss you. Good luck." 

Nicky had been given a promotion too. Mark was so impressed with his competency and drive, he'd secretly put him forward for the head of animal welfare on the floor upstairs. He didn't want to stop working with his friend but knew Nicky would make a success of the position and the extra dosh wouldn't be frowned upon. 

"Aye, I'll miss him too but we're on the same lunch break so it's fine."

Shane grabbed himself a bottle of water from the fridge and held it up to show his mum he'd taken it with no intensions of paying for it. He was starting to become a little agitated by his mother's constant badgering to his boyfriend. Nicky sensed his discomfort and tried to ensure it was a nice thing but on a bad day, Shane felt inadequate and frustrated by her slight ignorance. 

"I won't be in at lunch today Mam. We've got a lot to do." Shane broke the news to her and her smile turned upside down. He'd only just started the job and already he was bailing on her. 

"You have to eat dear. I'll pop a sandwich in for you." 

"OK then, thanks. Right I need to make a move, see you later." He smiled at her and dragged Nicky from his spot just as he picked up his butty and coffee. 

"Hey you... What's the rush?!" Nicky asked trying not to spill his beverage down his clean shirt. "Are you OK?"

"Yeah I'm fine. I'm just stressing about work and she is not helping." 

"I don't understand." The blonde gave his man a confused glance while tucking into his butty.

Shane batted his eye lids and began to mock his mother in a silly voice. "Ooh Nicky, how are you, I love you..." 

Choking on his bacon, Nicky spat it into Shane face as he laughed out loud. “What the fuck?!"

"Just ignore me, I'm being jealous."

"Of your Mam?! She's always been like that with me since way before I met you."

"Which is fine but it's really starting to piss me off. She'd adopt you in a heartbeat you know." 

Nicky began to giggle again and shook his head. He couldn't understand why it would bother him so much. "Get over it babe. I'll be her son one day but not through adoption." 

"You mean marriage?" Shane's eye lit up and a smile crept out from corner of his lips. They hadn't talked about or joked about getting married for months so it was a pleasant surprise to hear Nicky still dreamed about it. 

Nicky nodded and grinned. "Well if you don't put a ring on it, she will." He teased. "I have to shoot anyway, I don't wanna be late for the induction." 

"Good luck beaut. Call me at lunch." Shane gave his man a kiss and left him to make his way to work whilst he took a few more steps to unlock the door to his own unit. He was first in so as soon as he hung his blazer up in the staff room he texted Nicky.   
'Sorry about that. Ignore me. Love you loads. Xxx' 

***

Mark had become quite poorly overnight; A result of the curry he'd had with the boys as a mini leaving do for Nicky before he switched departments. Nicky, Shane and Kian had all gone for a mild chicken dish but the younger brunette opted for the Vindaloo and spent most of the night, on the loo, holding a bucket as it escaped him from both ends. Nicky already knew he wouldn't be working with him that day but was expecting to see him for 5 minutes. He was disappointed to find an unfamiliar female sitting by Mark’s computer desk as he peered in for a quick hello. 

"Oh, sorry, is Mark around?" Nicky asked the woman. 

Jodi looked up and smiled at the cute blondie in front of her and she raised her brow, impressed by his stunning beauty. "No he's off sick today so I'm covering. I'm Jodi, a floating administrator." She held her hand out to shake so Nicky politely did so. "And you are?"

"I'm Nicky. Mark’s friend... I mean former assistant, I start upstairs this morning. I guess that's why you've been roped in if neither of us are here." 

"Something like that." She smiled. "I trust you'll contact him personally?"

"Absolutely. Did he say why he was sick? Wasn't food poisoning was it?"

"Sounds that way. Dodgy curry apparently." She said not entirely convinced by Mark’s excuse. 

Nicky knew it would have been his delicate stomach reacting to the spices and chuckled to himself after warning him along with the lads that he couldn't handle anything hot. 'Told ya so' he grinned. "I'll leave you to it, thanks." He left the new girl alone and pulled his mobile from his pocket to send a simple message on the group chat.   
'Sore arse and throat this morning Mark?'

Just before he entered his new office, his phone beeped back at him as Kian confirmed he had nothing to do with the pain Mark’s body was in. He wished the blonde good luck on his first day and Shane added a laughing emoji in response to Nicky's banter. 

***

Setting the table for tea, Shane waited for Nicky to get home. He didn't reckon to be late home usually but as it was his first day in a new department, Shane didn't worry too much.   
Only 20 minutes on, Nicky raced through the door and up the stairs to apologise but it was too late. Shane had already fallen asleep on the sofa in his chef's apron. Tea was keeping warm in the oven but Nicky felt terrible. He leaned down in front of Shane's legs and slowly rubbed his hands up his thighs to his crotch. 

"Shane..." He whispered not wanting to shock him. "Baby, I'm home. I'm so sorry I'm late." Shane made a grumbling noise but didn't open his eyes. "Shay... Babe, I'm sorry. It smells great." 

Shane slowly opened his eyes and rubbed his face. He'd only been asleep for 15 minutes and his mood hadn't changed. "Its fine, whatever, just help yourself. I need a shower." 

"What?! Eat with me." Nicky stood up straight unsure why Shane seemed upset. "I said I'm sorry, what's wrong? It wasn't my fault, I..."  
Shane pulled the apron over his head and threw it to the couch. Without looking Nicky in the eye he kissed his cheek and left the room.   
"Wha... Seriously?!" Nicky shouted as he watched his moody boyfriend enter the bathroom and slam the door. "What the fuck? Jesus!" 

Nicky’s eyes widened and he was speechless. He'd never seen Shane in a mood before. Not with him anyway and this seemed to be an overreaction. Sure he was 20 minutes late home but he'd rang Shane to let him know and if it wasn't for Jodi collaring him, he'd not have been kept behind.   
All she needed was the code to lock down her, Mark’s, computer after losing the post-it note with the info on. She'd asked him how his day had gone so Nicky had explained which kept them in conversation for longer than he thought it would.   
She seemed nice though he'd never seen her before. Polite, professional, pretty... Not that he had any attraction to her. In fact he hadn't looked at any woman that way since the first time he kissed Shane and that wasn't going to change. All he knew about her was her first name and the fact she was a floating administrator. He didn't even know if she'd been doing this within the building for a while or had been drafted in from an agency, he just hoped Mark was back to work the next day.

He promised himself he'd never let Shane walk away without an explanation; a word of advice Finbarr had given him a long time ago. He knocked on the bathroom door and waited for an answer.   
"Shane, come on, let me in. I don't know what I've done wrong."

"Just leave it, its fine. It's not your fault OK." Shane shouted from behind the wall. "Just get your tea and I'll be out in a bit."

"No, open the fucking door now and talk to me!" Nicky demanded, taking no shit.   
Shane unlocked the door but failed to open it as he leaned back over the sink, holding back tears.   
"Shane? Hey..." Nicky saw the trail of old sobs down Shane's cheek. He held his neck and kissed him. "What's going on?"

Shane sniffed and held back the water works. "I'm so sorry Nicky." 

"What for? What's happened? Talk to me."

"I'm sorry for snapping. It's not your fault." He avoided eye contact, making no sense. "I'm just having a bad day."

"I'm sorry I'm late, I..." 

"No please stop apologising like that, I don't wanna hear it. I can't hear it." 

"What are you talking about? For god sake... Tell me what's happened." 

Shane pulled back and sat on the toilet, feeling foolish. "Huh, you haven't done anything wrong... It's me being a little fucking pussy... I don't know why but I've just been thinking today and..."

"Shane you're scaring me now. Please don't tell me you're breaking up with me. If you've done something stupid it's OK, we..."

"No of course I'm not and I wouldn't. I'm not stupid I'm just pathetic." 

Nicky tore his hair out and growled. "You are so infuriating sometimes... What are you talking about?" 

"Her! I'm sorry but she got into my head today and now everything I do, say or hear just... Reminds me of her and I hate it Nicky. I hate her!" Shane sat shaking, staring down at his feet. "I fucking hate her for doing this to me... Fucking with my head. Everything's been so amazing for us but I knew this would happen." 

"OK... How did she even get in your head?" 

"There's a girl at work that looks like her sister. At first I thought it was her until she said her name was Paige not Aoife. That took the pressure off but then I heard her taking to a guy we have called Niall which is her brother's name and he pipes up about his best mate Oisin who's looking for a job. Oisin is her dad's name... I know it's stupid but with her family’s names being fired off one after the other, it felt like bullets to my chest."

"Did you have a panic attack?"

"Nearly... I went out for a... a Erm... Moment of fresh air..." He fibbed remembering Nicky still had no idea about his secret packet of cigarettes he kept at work. "Since that moment I've been on edge. Everything I've done today reminds me of something I did for her, in her eyes not well enough. Like being disrespectful to me mam this morning. I felt so guilty I went round at 10am to say sorry then felt sick because every time I ever said sorry to 'her' she laughed at me."

Nicky felt sorry for him. He'd never opened up about his past before and Nicky hadn't wanted to push him to. Now seemed like the beginning of what was going to be an emotional night. The blonde exhaled slowly through his nose and perched his butt on the edge of the bath taking Shane's hands into his and nodding for him to continue. 

"At lunch I went back to grab what mam had put aside and when I sat down at my desk I saw an advert for RTE 2fm on Facebook. The day she moved to Dublin was the day the radio station gave me a shout out and embarrassed me at work. Joseph wasn't in that day but a guy called Danny was and he ripped the shit out of me, claiming I was under the thumb and not man enough to control my girlfriend’s dirty mind."

"He sounds like a right prick." 

"Just seeing that advert on the day I'm surrounded by new staff with names associated to her, freaked me out and reminded me that's all. It's been a crazy day trying to get everything in place, explaining why we need more than one first aider and all that jazz... Then when I got home and started cooking you said you'd be late. It reminded me of all the times I'd be late from work and then wished I hadn't gone home at all." 

"Christ, that's a bit harsh isn't it?" 

"I said I wasn't mad at you! It's not your fault... I'm just saying after such a weird day, I snapped. If I got home late, I'd know about it and I'd apologise just the way you did. I didn't mean to fall asleep but when you woke me with such a soft voice... That was me Nick. It was always me with the apologies, the soft tone trying to keep the peace as she ranted... I can't hear you say sorry for something like this. I don't wanna hear myself in you." 

"Fuck... I wanna say sorry again but I don't think I should. I don’t know anything about your relationship with her, I just know it was bad. It's like an untouchable subject and that's OK, I know you're not keeping secrets intentionally but you can trust me. I need to know what she did to break you so when you have a day like today, I can try and make it better again."

"You already do Nico... Just by being here." Shane squeezed his hand and looked him in the eye for the first time since he entered the room. "I'm so sorry... But you're right. I need to talk about this... I want you to know."   
***


	2. Chapter 2

Shane sat on the sofa with a whiskey-coke in his hand to steady his nerves. Neither boy was worried about tea anymore as the cooling oven housed the meal Shane had prepared. 

"Start at the beginning. How did you meet?" Nicky knew it was going to be hard for Shane to explain everything but he wanted to know everything. 

"We met here in Sligo on a night out. Nothing much happened at first but we kept bumping into each other and got along really well. She was gorgeous; long, brown wavy hair, tall, a great body, beautiful smile and stunning eyes. Everyone kept telling us we'd make beautiful babies and I thought... Yeah she's stunning, why not just ask her out. So we dated for a while and after a month or two I was offered the job in Dublin. The distance proved hard at first and the longer I was away from her, the more I wanted to see her. In the end I dragged her down to Dublin and just asked her to move in and make it work. Things were going well to begin with. She was accepting of me working a lot even though she had no friends over there... Then about 6 months in she started getting crabby. Annoyed she'd lost her driver's license for 2 years for speeding. No one was hurt but they could have been if there'd been an accident. This meant she had no freedom and boy did I cop for it. I refused to let her use my car and that was the start of it all." 

"OK... So you fell for someone who can't drive. She brought that on herself." Nicky grinned, glad he'd got a clean bill of health on his license. "Didn't she get a job in Dublin?"

"She tried. She was only qualified in being a teaching assistant which she was fired from for swearing in front of a class full of pupils and parents on an open evening. She was great at her job here in Sligo but no one in Dublin would give her a chance. It really got her down so she tried everything. She was volunteering at a charity warehouse for a while, doing their admin work and delegating sections to the part timers sorting the incoming donations but when she threatened to punch the manager for groping her, she was the one forced out... Then she just fell into a depression. I tried everything to keep her spirits up but it wasn't enough. She turned into a completely different person."

"I can understand that... But I guess this is where it gets worse." Nicky rubbed his hand on Shane's knee to show his support. "Go ahead. What happened first?"

Shane took a deep breath and downed the last 2 thirds of his drink before continuing. "We'd been out on the town with Joseph and his wife Keeva. She felt out of place and useless because I was having to pay for us both. Keeva is a very strongly opinionated girl and a few things touched a nerve so she got plastered on my credit card and when we got home she blew up in my face, claiming I'd been flirting with Keeva all night. Of course I hadn't, she's 10 years older than me for a start and married to my boss... But she was fuming. I was too tired to argue with her so I got in bed but she followed..." Shane sighed then rose to his feet to collect the bottle of Jack Daniels from the kitchen. He poured himself a short and offered Nicky some but he declined. 

"Screaming at me, calling me a liar, saying I didn't love her anymore because she was useless and a failure, she hurled herself at me on the bed and threw a punch to my chest. I was totally stunned by this point and didn't know how to stop her so I tried to grab her wrist and caught her finger. It only cracked the way you sit there and snap your knuckles but she flew off the bed. Instead of stopping to calm down... She picked up a bottle of her perfume and shot it at my head, smashing it against the wall above the headboard. Glass went everywhere as did the perfume... And it cut my head. Needless to say it stung like a bitch as the liquid seeped into the cut." 

Nicky hissed at the thought of it. "She sounds insane. You were just defending yourself." 

"Not as far as she was concerned. She slept on the couch and the next day she asked for an apology from me! She was convinced it was all my fault and although she promised not to be so paranoid next time, she took no blame for the cut or bruise to my chest... Stupidly I just let it go. I figured she was under a lot of stress and a little irrational, drunken outburst was all it was." 

"So how often did she do shit like that?"

"Not every time we went out. If it was just us two she was fine. Still depressed but nothing like that. I remember the first birthday I had over there I had a get together in the pub. I invited Mark over but he'd only been able to stay an hour or so because he'd been over for the day with his brother and had to get back home. She met him for like 2 minutes before he left and gave him the filthiest glare I've ever seen. She'd realised he was gay and she didn't appreciate him giving me a goodbye hug... It was kinda the start of us drifting apart. Mark saw the way she looked at him but he thought I was so besotted with her that the sun shone from her ass so he just kept his distance and didn't want to talk much... I let her do that. I lost my best friend because she was Homophobic. But I loved her and she was with me in Dublin, not him. I had no one else. Mark and I have never even talked about it. The reunion was the first time we'd seen each other since that night. I obviously contacted him over Facebook when we split but he was already hurt by then." 

"He was pretty excited about seeing you on the attending list. He was a little nervous, that's why he invited me but he knows you'd been through something bad and he forgives you for It." 

"Yeah we're fine now but I still haven't had the guts to explain it to him. I'm just lucky he's such a forgiving guy. I missed him so much... That night she denied she had a problem with him but proceeded to accuse me of fancying him and my sister's best friend Orla. I've known Orla since I was 13, she was 17 at the time and yeah she was pretty but I never had a crush on her so being accused of flirting with her then was just ridiculous. She's like a big sister."

"So what happened?" 

"Huh... We got home, I was drunk and pissed off, she was by then just angry and sober... She told me if I loved her and was telling the truth that I'd... I'd strip her down and fuck her in the kitchen... She got impatient waiting for me to take her clothes off so she undressed herself then came over to me. I could barely keep my eyes open at this point and when she touched me... I was too wasted to get hard and she went ape shit!"

Nicky shrugged. "Happens to the best of us babe." 

"It was the first time it had happened to me... She asked me to prove I still loved her and only her but I couldn't even get an erection as her perfect, naked body rubbed against me. The look of horror on her face said it all... She slapped me across the face and swore blind I was lying and didn't care about her anymore. The depression was taking over her and there was nothing I could say to make her understand... I grabbed her shoulders to shake her, telling her it was going to be OK but she freaked out and scratched her nails across my chest until my nipple bled. I didn't want to let her go but it stung so much I was scared she'd carry on so I let go and instead she threw a right hook around my face again... Yelling that I shouldn't touch her because I don't love her anymore... I went to work the next day with a black eye and had to tell Joe some idiot attacked me in the kebab shop on the way home." 

"Did she apologise?"

"Oh yeah she did... She used my credit card to book us a table at a posh restaurant and was nice as pie all night. She kept saying how sorry she was for being irrational and we ended up having great sex when we got home." Shane chugged on his whiskey and laughed at himself. "Such a fucking bloke, driven by sex... She knew all she had to do was wear a sexy little dress and smile at me and I'd fall at her knees and like a fool, I did, every time." 

"You loved her Shane. You wanted it to work. You knew she had problems and you stuck by her." 

"Yeah and all I ever got was grief... Nicky it became such a problem that I had to start wearing concealer to work. For every good day there was 2 bad days and I copped a punch every time. I couldn't hit her back and didn't wanna let her down. She'd cry and beg for me to forgive her and get her professional help but it takes months to see counsellors and both times she was due to see someone, she didn't turn up."

"So was it the same thing every time?"

"Her paranoia got worse. If I was 5 minutes late home from work she'd accuse me of cheating on her... The same if I had a night out without her." He explained about the flash back he had when he was packing to move back to Sligo and Nicky huffed in response. "About 15 months into the relationship she told me she was pregnant... I was contemplating giving up on her and throwing her out but when she showed me a scan pic my heart melted... I thought I was going to be a daddy. I thought everything would calm down and I'd be able to protect her."

"Oh god... What happened?" Nicky dreading the answer but had to know. 

"2 weeks later she faked a miscarriage and I found out she'd been lying all along. I was gutted. I was so excited about being a dad and then she just claims to have a miscarriage. I was so inconsolable, I rang my parents to tell them what had happened. I hadn't even got round to telling me mam, she was pregnant. It wasn't until I looked back on the scan photo that I realised the date had been changed. It was definitely her scan... But it was from a pregnancy she'd lost 7 years ago. So she knew exactly how to play the symptoms... I was heartbroken. I couldn't believe she'd lied to me and when I had it out with her she blamed me. She said she needed me to believe it so I knew how much she loved me and wanted to be in my life forever."

"Wow, what a psycho!" Nicky hated that Shane had been betrayed like so. He couldn't imagine ever being so angry to punch someone in the face let alone do so much other damage, physically and emotionally. 

"That night she sat and cut herself. I found her on the kitchen floor with a knife, drawing blood on her wrists. She cried in pain and begged me to stop her as if she was possessed and couldn't control her own actions. I kneeled down to her and as I reached out to lift her up she..." Shane remembered the pain and held back tears. "She... Blamed me for making her feel so helpless and sliced the knife across my arm. Luckily the scar’s healed now but for a long time, months, I had to keep it covered so no one asked questions. It wasn't just a cat scratch, it was deep enough to take 2 weeks to scab over and heal to a temporary scar."

Nicky held his hands over his mouth as he felt sick. "Fuck... She cut you?! Shane for fuck sake..." 

"I know OK... What was I supposed to do?! She was self-harming and I thought if I left her she'd do something worse." He took a moment's breath and finished his spirit again. "I tried not to cry in pain after I yelped and as soon as she saw blood on me, she dropped the knife. She threw her arms around my neck and wept on my shoulder for 20 minutes." 

"Sympathy..."

"Nicky she was mentally unstable, what was I supposed to do? I just wanted to help her and show her I did love her. I didn't care that she couldn't get a job, I provided for us both. Everything I did was for the both of us. I wanted it to work... The good days were amazing and I thought it was worth fighting for." 

"So what's the worst thing she did?"

"She cheated on me and planned for me to catch her... In our house, with my work colleague Mike. She made up some cock and bull story about us splitting up because I wanted to watch her fuck someone else and she wasn't interested. She told Mike he was the one I'd picked so she seduced him anyway, invited him round, telling him I was away in Sligo and purposely left the door unlocked and lounge door opened. I came home from work that Friday and immediately caught her, completely naked, shagging Mike on the sofa. He was totally oblivious to me stood there and was spouting shit about what a bad person I was. After being on top of him for a few minutes she crawled off him and gave him a blowjob. She turned her eyes to me and deliberately choked on his cock... He didn't even flinch until I called her a slut." 

"Shit... What did he say when he saw you?" 

"I didn't give him a chance to say anything. I turned round and left... I stayed at a hotel that night. She knew I'd turned my phone off so stayed up all night hoping I'd go home but instead I just went to work the next day and refused to look the bastard in the eye. He told me what she'd said to him and he apologised to me for believing her initial lies but once I'd caught them, she told him the truth. He was really fucked up about it and started asking me if she'd done stuff like this before, calling her unhinged and I just defended her." 

"You're a bigger man than me Shane. I'd have lamped him one." Even though Nicky couldn't imagine hitting anyone for real, in that moment he felt given the circumstances, he probably would have done it. "So everything she did, cut you, beat you, lied and blackmailed you, the thing that hurt most was her shagging someone else?"

"Yes because she planned for me to catch her. She knew she could hurt me and I wouldn't break down so tricking Mike into fucking her in front of me... That was a punishment. A kick in the guts. I'd supported her, stuck by her and kept all the abuse secret and then I had to watch someone else take her for themselves. She was crazy but she was my crazy... It killed me Nick... Suddenly she was dirty... I couldn't look at her and see a beautiful, broken woman anymore. All I could see was a dirty whore." 

"Fair enough, I get that." 

"Then when I finally had it out with her about it she played the pregnancy card again. She was so happy we had a 'second chance' to be a family. She promised she'd get help and the next day she did go to the doctors and asked for antipsychotics but when she claimed she was pregnant the doctor didn't even test her and refused to medicate her... I wish I'd forced her to prove it there and then... Maybe then she'd have been given the meds." 

"So she was lying again?"

"Yeah but I didn't know and I fell for it all again. She was fine for a few weeks then. She started buying baby clothes and acted excited about the first scan. She told me when it was so I took the day off work to take her to the hospital... It was a Wednesday afternoon and I remember looking at the calendar, noticing her period cycle starred. Then I saw the hashtag which indicated the first day of her period. She'd marked it down the day before... So I went into the bathroom and reluctantly checked the bin where there was empty tampon wrappers." 

"Fuck sake!" Nicky bit his tongue as he wanted to break something. He could hear Shane's next words before he spoke them. 

Shane nodded and sighed. "That was it. I'd had enough. I didn't even ask her about it I just came back to Sligo for the rest of the week and ended up telling Finbarr everything that had been going on."

"Bet that went well." Nicky smiled with his sarcasm. 

"Finn threatened to call the police and report her for domestic violence but I managed to convince him not to. I promised to end it when I got home and that was good enough for him... But by the time I got back, having not spoken to her for 3 days, she was a mess. The house was trashed and her bags were packed. I walked in and she was holding a knife to her stomach. She told me if I didn't love her or apologise for abandoning her she was going to stab herself to miscarry. But I already knew she was lying... I walked up to her and held her in my arms, whispering sorry into her ear as I kissed her neck. I just wanted her to stop... I was so scared she'd actually hurt herself but in the end... She saw the fear in my eyes and stood back." Shane shuffled in his seat and looked at Nicky who was close to bursting into tears. "She... Looked me in the eye and told me I couldn't help her anymore. She begged me not to tell anyone about all the things she'd done and swore she'd only done them because she was so scared of losing me after everything else... I told her I knew she wasn't pregnant and she flipped. She screamed at me, swearing she wasn't lying this time until she couldn't convince me otherwise... She looked me in the eye and said I needed to trust her. She held the knife to my face and said, if I didn't believe her, she'd hurt me for not trusting her... I couldn't even pretend anymore, I just wanted out. My head was fried."

"What happened?"

"I closed my eyes and she stabbed me." Shane choked. Remembering the pain of the veg knife penetrating his backside. "At first I thought she was reaching round to hug me but then I felt the knife split my jeans pocket and lodge itself 2 inches into my skin. She didn't even attempt to pull it out... She knew what she'd done and cried... Then she leaned in, kissed me, said sorry and left... I've never seen her since."

"What the... She just stabbed you and left?! What the fuck did you do?"

"I let her go and rang for an ambulance. I didn't want to involve the police. She needed medical help not punishment."

"Are you crazy?! You just let her... Fuck sake." Nicky was infuriated that he'd let her get away with it all but understood how scared and ashamed Shane had been. In a way he admired how he'd considered her mental health and wanted her to get the right help but on the other hand, she deserved to be punished for everything she'd inflicted - crazy or not! 

"I know, I know... That's just the kind of person I am Nicky. I loved her so much. I was so angry with myself for letting her get away with it all and blamed myself for causing it. It wasn't until I heard the doctor had taken my advice and sectioned her for 6 months that I felt I'd done the right thing."

"What did you tell the hospital?"

"A load of bullshit about having the knife in my pocket and sitting down... They knew I was lying ‘cause the handle was on the outside of my jeans obviously. They tried to get the truth out of me but I refused to explain as she'd already fled the scene before they arrived at the house... It hurt like hell to sit down for a few weeks but the scar healed nicely." He finally smiled at Nicky and held his hand out to feel his man's touch. "I felt safe in Dublin after knowing she was locked up. I bagged up some of her stuff and took it to the centre for her but I didn't wanna see her so I left it at reception. I never heard anything else from her. I don't even know if she's still in Dublin... She was initially due out 2 months before I moved back here but I didn't see her or her family. That's why I freaked at work today when I thought Aoife was working for me." 

"Yeah I can imagine... Shane I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. I had no idea she'd stabbed you." 

"I was OK... I was mentally drained but I remained strong for a while. I didn't let it get me down and I refused to talk about it. Stupid male pride I suppose. Mam and Dad know she stabbed me but they don't know the extent of it all... And what I just told you is the worst bits. There was more to it but I just can't be bothered to go through every insignificant detail now. It's all over, I'm with you and I have never been happier and felt safer my entire life." 

"I wish you'd told me this sooner." Nicky leaned in and held Shane close. "God I love you so much. I wish I could take that time away from you." 

"It doesn't matter babe. It made me who I am today and being with you has made me stronger than I ever was... You showed me I could trust and love again Nico." He held the blonde’s cheek and wiped away the tears rolling down his stubbled face. "I love you baby. You're my everything and I'd die for you."

"Please don't!" Nicky sniffed and leaned in to kiss his man. "You're so amazing, I still don't know what I've done to deserve you." 

"Hey don't you start... Never, ever doubt my feelings for you do you hear me? I told you... I won't cope next time." 

"I'm not a psycho Shay... I know what I've got and I'd never do anything to risk losing it. But thank you for opening up to me. I appreciate it and I hope you feel better for it." 

"Yeah I do actually... Except for the scar on my butt cheek. That hurts right now if you wanna kiss it better?" He nuzzled his nose into Nicky's neck. 

"Nice try, I'm starving. I need to eat first. What did you make?" Nicky pulled himself away and yawned as his belly rumbled. "Or what did I ruin?"

"Fresh Lasagne but it’s fine, I'll make another one tomorrow. Let's get a take away... You're paying though!" He poked Nicky's ribs and giggled. "Anyway, why were you late?"

"Oh just the dozy cow stepping in for Mark, she needed a code for the pc and we got talking that's all. She seems nice enough though. Dunno if she just floats at the council or for an agency but I didn't wanna seem rude by rushing off. I just hope Mark’s back tomorrow so I can rip the shit out of him for getting sick." 

Shane laughed at his beauty trying to lighten the mood and the boys chilled with a pizza and burger delivered to the door.

Nicky didn't wanna bring her up again but felt there were a few more questions he needed answering. "You know what you said when we met about not having much sex with her and stuff... Did you ever actually have one decent time together?"

"A few. In the beginning I suppose she let me come inside her but most of the time I had to use a condom anyway. It was after the first time she punched me that I didn't get much out of it." 

"Hmm... Do you think you could ever sleep with a woman again?"

"Nick... I'm with you, I'm not interested in ever thinking about sleeping with someone else."

"I know but I mean... Before you got with me or in the beginning... Did you really think you'd find it hard?"

"What does it matter? I don't sleep around. It wasn't a fearsome decision not to sleep with another woman, I just wasn't that bothered either way... And as soon as I found you... I don't think I'll ever go back there again. Sex with you is mind blowing, it never felt that good with women." 

"So if we ever split up would you only go for guys again or do you consider yourself bisexual now?"

Shane stared at Nicky, wondering why he was being so paranoid. "Would you shag another woman if we split up?!"

"No chance... I love you and you've put me off women for life." 

"Well then... I suppose I'd look for another guy first yeah. But I've never looked twice at another man and I don't ever intend to so who cares?!" Shane shrugged off Nicky's weird questions and stuffed the last slice of pizza in his face. 

"Fair enough... Just one last question I promise."   
Shane rolled his eyes and looked at the blonde.  
"What’s her name?"

Shane hadn't as much as muttered her name to himself in over a year. She didn't deserve a name. All she was ever referred to was 'her' and 'she'. The brunette cleared his throat and clenched his jaw tightly shut for a moment before staring at Nicky, patiently waiting for a name to this bitch he'd heard all about. The bitch that tried to shatter his love into a thousand pieces. 

"Huh... Rhaiya... Rhaiya Gordon."  
***


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is especially long as I later realised I'd not uploaded 2 chapter before it so I just added them to the existing Ch3.

Sat on the phone in his office, Mark chuckled down the line at his friend. "Yes dear I'll listen to you next time. But hey it's great you spoke to him. How did he take it?"

The voice on the other end of the phone couldn't be heard by Jodi as she shuffled papers and grinned at the cute boss. 

"Look, honestly you don't have to explain anything to me. I don't even remember what she looked like, it's all in the past." Jodi stared at him confused, wondering what he was talking about but tried to mind her own business. "OK bro, tomorrow night yeah? Great, see you then, love ya bye, bye, bye."

"Aww your personal calls are so sweet." She picked him up on the fact he shouldn't be taking any. "Do you have permission to call your boyfriend from here?"

"Well it's my office so I'll talk to who I want... And it wasn't my boyfriend, not that it's any of your business." Mark took an instant dislike to this new girl and he couldn't work out why. She seemed nice and he knew she was just pushing her luck too soon but he wasn't really her boss so he didn't have to get on with her. 

"Missing Nicky yet?" She dared to ask, sat at the blonde’s former desk. 

"More than you'll ever know." Mark replied, not turning to look at her. "On that note, I'm off for my break. You can hold the fort here." He said matter of fact. "Don't touch my desk." 

As Jodi watched Mark walk out of the office she puffed. 'What the hell is that guys problem?! Gees. Nicky was friendlier than this jackass.' 

Meeting Nicky for lunch, Mark expressed his frustration with the temporary assistant he was given. Nicky laughed at his moaning and admitted he thought she was nice which got an unhappy frown from the boss. They sat down in their usual chairs, at the usual table in the usual pub. 

"She just creeps me out that's all. I don't know why and I have no idea why I'm stuck with her. You might think she's fit but she obviously knows I'm gay."

"What's that got to do with anything? I'm gay and I do not think she's fit... I didn't even look at her that way and there's no way I'd consider it now. Just give her a chance." 

Mark changed the subject completely. "So I spoke to Shane before I left for lunch... He told me you'd talked about the ex... So did you find out her name ‘cause I really can't remember it?"

"Rhaiya yeah... Jesus she's a nutcase. Did you know she stabbed him?" Nicky blurted out then regretted betraying Shane's confidence. "Shit... I shouldn't have said that."

"Nicky it's OK, I had heard on the grapevine but he never told me himself. I wasn't sure if was true... I know I stopped seeing him after his birthday but I don't even remember what she looked like or how she looked at me. I just remember thinking she's a nasty bitch but she could do no wrong in Shane's eyes."

"Well that definitely wasn't the case. Seems it was him that he could do no right in her eyes... The things she did to him man... I literally sat and cried in his arms when he told me. If I ever find out what she looks like and I find her, I'm going to break her neck!" Nicky knew it was just an open threat but in the moment he was so riled up he questioned his ability to not just punch anyone but punch a woman. "I'd never lay a finger on anyone but I was so fucking angry hearing what he went through... You know what his biggest regret of it all was?"

"I dread to think."

"It was losing you mate... He really needed you but he was too scared to speak up and then it was too late."

"Yeah I kinda got that feeling when he messaged me to say they'd split up and apologise to me... but I was too blind to see the struggle and although I still don't know what happened, a part of me still blames myself. He was my best mate, how could I not see he needed me... Please tell me he was OK." 

Nicky stared into his already half empty Guinness. "I wish I could Mark but he'd given up the day she stabbed him and walked away. I hadn't even noticed his scars. Bruises fade but..."

"He has more than one scar cos of her? Was she really that violent? I thought it was all mind games."

"What?! You must be kidding. She should still be in prison for what she did to him. I can't believe how strong and perfect he is considering what he went through... It's no wonder he freaked out at work yesterday. You just never know whose car you’re parked next to or when you're gonna bump into the past... I just hope she never has the guts to try and find him."

***

That Thursday night the boys did their usual things and went off to meet in Stages. Shane and Mark had arranged another performance this time. They began laying down some of their own tracks to a CD of instrumental music their friend had given them. They wrote tonight's song and had been practicing for weeks. 

"Hi guys..." Shane welcomed the crowd. "It's so exciting to be back on stage. I haven't sung for a few weeks now but it's always a pleasure. Myself and Mark have got an original to play for you tonight. It's called Amazing. Hope you like it." He took hold of the mic and opened his mouth to sing the first verse.  
“You’re like a storm against the window. Follow me around just like a shadow. I'll swim a never ending ocean. Until you bring back your devotion."

Mark joined in, "It's like I live a thousand lifetimes. Still looking for the one that feels right. See, moving on just isn't working. You lit the fire that I'm burning..."

Kian nodded and was impressed with the mid-tempo number. The end of the song proved Mark’s voice like so many others had and his boyfriend got shivers down his spine. "Why is he sat in an office when he should be on stage every day?" 

"Beats me. I keep telling Shane to do something about this singing stuff but he doesn't seem that bothered. He and Mark are just unbelievable together though. You think that Louis Walsh bloke would be interested?" Nicky winked at Kian half joking but the younger blonde thought for a second and nodded. "What? I was joking."

"Why?! If we can somehow film and record their performance we can send it to Louis and see what he thinks."

"Shane would kill us. And anyway they're hardly spring chickens. Louis Walsh wouldn't want anyone over 21. He can't mould them into pretty boy band members for girls to crush on." 

"But they're gorgeous already. He'd see the reaction from the crowd... I just think they're wasted in an office." Kian greeted his boyfriend as they joined them at the table. "Boyzone have nothing on you two." 

Mark smiled and kissed Kian before sitting down. "I wish I was a popstar right now if it meant not working with the new girl."

Nicky rolled his eyes and sighed at him. "Have you still not got over this? I don't see what's so horrible about her."

"She's just weird. She makes me feel uneasy." He shuddered as he thought about Jodi in his office. "I never should have put you forward for that other position Nicky."

"Oh charming." He laughed still waiting for Shane to be served at the bar. "She's not that bad. Invite her for lunch tomorrow and we can suss her out more."

Mark shook his head. "Nicky I would rather starve than have to sit in a room any longer with her. She seriously creeps me out."  
***

Just before lunch on Friday, Nicky turned his computer to shut down but got the fright of his life when he looked up to see Mark standing the other side of the desk.  
"Jesus, you scared me creeping up on me like that." 

"That's what she does. Stands in silence!"

"For god sake... If she bothers you that much I'll trade her for Carole because she's doing my head in."

"I'd rather have someone I can train than someone I don't wanna talk to. Do you think we could arrange it?" Mark hoped. "If you suggest Carole is capable of the job she can be transferred then Jodi will have to come up here to help you out." 

"Well she's a great worker, I just don't like her voice. She wouldn't boss you around, I already heard her saying she wishes it were you up here not me." Nicky winked and grabbed his jacket ready for lunch. 

"Which one is Carole again?"

"In her early 50s, short brown hair, wears clippie heels... She's sat by the second window. Look when we go out." 

"Oh her! Yeah I've seen her around. I'll take her!" Mark snapped up Nicky's staff just to get Jodi away from him. 

The plan worked and by Monday, Jodi was scheduled out of Mark’s office to join the blonde as his assistant and fill in for Carole's absence. She was relieved herself after realising Mark wasn't comfortable around her but all she'd done was be nice to him. She couldn't work out why he was being so strange and rude to her. She liked Nicky... In fact she thought he was super cute but soon got wind of the fact he was gay so she let go of any hope of an office affair.  
She just wanted friends.... Jodi hadn't been very social for a few years but now she was ready to mingle she realised she had no one to do it with. Her job didn't allow her to get to know anyone for long enough so she found it difficult to make new friends. She was hoping to gain Nicky's trust though and find a permanent position in the building so she could be herself more and Nicky seemed the right guy for the job. 

***

Tuesday didn't get off to a great start. Mark was tackling the same system failure as he had when Nicky first started and he was beginning to lose the plot. Dinner time seemed a life time away and all he wanted was to sit by the fire place in the pub and share a pint with Nicky.  
The November chill didn't help matters. The office was cold and Nicky resorted to keeping his coat on as his radiator was out of use. Maintenance was due that morning to fix it but with ice on the roads causing an accident outside the building, a delay prevented the contractor from reaching his destination on time. 

Jodi hadn't been smart enough to bring her coat into the office and kept putting off the idea of going down to her car to fetch it. Seeing Nicky wrapped up in his coat with cold fingers tapping at his keyboard didn't help. She felt a shiver over her body and moaned. 

"Bbrr this is ridiculous. Where is maintenance? I'm freezing."

"God knows but I can't work like this. I'm gonna go down and see if Mark’s office is any warmer for half an hour." Unaware his computers weren't working and the boss had already sent 3 people home. "Come down with me and get your coat."

"Yeah I think I will." She picked up her coffee to keep her hands warm on the way and they both left the office towards the stairs. 

"Oh great, what's happened here?" Nicky asked as a tape cordoned off the steps to the lower level. 

"Broken step mate." One worker said. "Someone tripped this morning and had to be taken to hospital." He explained. 

"Take the lift, sorry guys." Said the other. 

Nicky hated lifts so he rolled his eyes and figured one floor down wouldn't pose a problem. "Fine." 

Before they could complain about it, Nicky pushed the button and the door closed in front of them, securing his fate with Jodi by his side. Within 5 seconds the lift jolted and the light went out. For a moment they both froze.

"What was that?!" Jodi stumbled and spilt her coffee down her skirt. "What’s happened?"

"No, no, no... Come on this can't be happening." Nicky began to panic. He was living his worst nightmare. Trapped in a dark lift which he already knew offered no mobile signal and he wouldn’t be sharing a blanket with Shane. "Argh, no! This can't be happening." He frantically pressed all the buttons on the control pad and screamed as the emergency bell failed to work. "Oh god. What's happening? Why is it dark? We're trapped." 

"Hey, calm down it'll be fine. Shout for help, someone will hear us." Both Jodi and Nicky yelled for help, banging on the lift door for attention. It hadn't gone far so the workers on the stairs must be able to hear them. 

"I can't hear anything. Why can't we hear anything?" Nicky worried, close to tears as his breathing became uneven. "I need to get out of here, I'm hyperventilating... Maarrrkkk!" He screamed hoping the boy would come and save him but the entire building had gone into blackness. 

When Mark was thrown into the dark he panicked too. "What the... Oh great, no computers and now no fucking lights. Fuck this!"  
With a room full of concerned girls making their way to the exit, Mark carefully made his way down the corridor to blind panic. He could see people ignoring the security tape on the stairs, ripping it off just to get off their floor. A mass evacuation took place but it seemed to be caused by more than just a power cut.  
"Where's the fire?!" Mark asked the receptionist who shrugged her shoulders. 

"Someone heard a bang in the basement then everything went black. I think the whole building is down. We need to leave." 

It was Ireland after all and there'd been bomb scares before. Mark scanned the crowd in search of Nicky and when he couldn't spot the blonde he started to panic again. 'Where’s Nicky? For god sake where's Nicky?' he couldn't even see Jodi which also disappointed him because he suspected they'd stick together. As everyone congregated outside to the fire drill car park, Mark continued to scan the crowds for his friend. He took out his mobile and tried to call him but the line was down. 

"Come on Nick... Where are you?!" 

***

The building suddenly fell silent and Nicky's cries had been to no avail. He sat slumped in the corner of the tiny space and sobbed. Jodi felt for him as she couldn't do much to calm him down. She barely knew him and felt awkward in her coldness so she joined him on the freezing floor and rubbed her hand on his shoulder. 

"I'm sorry we're stuck in here. I didn't know you were so scared of lifts." 

Nicky sniffed and wiped his tears, feeling foolish. "It's OK. I just don't understand why no one can hear us. What if something else has happened and we're the only ones left inside?"

"Don't be silly. I know the building is pretty useless right now but security would check the access and see we’re stuck."  
But little did she know, even the security cameras and operators were affected by the power cut and no one did know where they were. "They need to hurry up though, my bones are cold already." 

Nicky looked at Jodi and saw her shaking from head to toe. Her fingers were turning white and blue, noticeable in the dim emergency light so she tucked them under her arm pits to try and keep them warm but it made no difference. Being the gentleman he is, despite feeling like an icicle himself, he pulled his jacket from his shoulders and told Jodi to wear it. She tried to decline the offer, seeing how Nicky's panic attack had taken over him, she knew he needed it too but Nicky was insistent. 

"Just take the coat, please. I'll be OK." He nobly lied as his teeth chattered. "I hope Mark’s all right."

Jodi grinned at the cutie and his concern for her and Mark’s welfare. "You're really good friends aren't you?"

"He's my boyfriend's best friend so yeah. It's because of him being my boss that I met the love of my life. He's a really special guy." Nicky smiled, wishing he was stuck in a lift with Mark instead. "He'll know I'm missing and get us out." 

"He doesn't like me so I doubt he'll be rushing to my side." 

"Lucky for you we're together then." He grinned, pulling his knees up to his chin to form a ball in a hope it'd keep him warmer. "It's so fucking cold, this is ridiculous. We have to get out of here." 

"I want the rest of the week off for this. I'm going to be so ill later.” Jodi coughed.

"God I wish I was cuddled up to Shay right now. He'd keep me warm." Nicky closed his eyes and imagined Shane sitting behind him, wrapping his arms around his body. "So what's the craic with you? Got a boyfriend?"

"No I've been single for over a year now. Too busy with my little boy." Jodi smiled hoping she'd get out soon to see him. "Cobian... Cobi for short. He's only 6 months old."

"And you're back to work already?!... Sorry I don't mean to sound rude. That's just pretty quick."

"I live with my parents at the moment so my mum offered to babysit while I work to save up for a place of our own. I was kicked out of my last place a few months ago... The landlord wanted to sell up so we were left homeless. Thankfully my folks had space for us. He's a gorgeous little boy. Brown eyes, dark hair... I love him so much."

"What about the dad?"

"He's not interested. Typical bloke, runs at the first sign of commitment. It's fine though. We're better off on our own."

"Not all guys are like that you know. My partner and I would love to have kids one day. We've only been together 6 months but I can't imagine my life without him anymore. He's amazing." Nicky smiled as he hugged his own body. "You'll find someone one day that accepts you and your baby and wish he was the father."

"Yeah maybe. I think I'm best just concentrating on Cobi right now. So what's your partner like?" Jodi kept up the conversation to keep their minds off their situation. "Is he totally gorgeous?"

"Pfft... Gorgeous doesn't cover it. I don't know what he sees in me. I'm the luckiest son of a bitch in the world. Most women give me filthy looks in the bar because he's on my arm not theirs."  
The couple continued to talk and keep themselves occupied but after an hour their bodies were nearly numb.  
"I can't feel my ass or toes anymore." Nicky chuckled. "Are you OK?"

Jodi shook her head as she shivered underneath Nicky's jacket. She'd done as he had and pulled her knees to her chest but her feet were like blocks of ice. "I don't know how much more of this I can take. Why haven't they found us yet?"

Nicky could see the pain in Jodi's eyes. He sighed and did what he didn't want but knew it was best for the moment. "Come here... Sit between my legs. We need to share body heat. Not that I have any left but it might help if we're close."

"Oh, no Nicky seriously I couldn't do that. It's too weird." 

"Just get here, please. I'm not gonna touch you up, trust me." He hadn't been that close to a woman for so long he'd forgotten what it felt like anyway. 'She’s so skinny! No wonder she's cold. Come on Nicky, you're just being a gentleman and it'll help you too.' he wrapped his arms around Jodi's waist and rested his chin on her shoulder. There was nothing sexual about the embrace at all. Nicky felt nothing. He would have got more aroused hugging a lamp post or his sister.  
"Just don't fall asleep OK? Stay with me." She nodded, enjoying Nicky's Luke warm breath on her cheek. 

"I'm so sorry about this. I owe you one." Her voice shook as she tried to control her shallow breathing. "Can you sing?"

"I try, ha-ha. Why, what do you wanna sing?" Nicky didn't think his lungs could cope but he mustered a whisper and sang the first song that came to his head.

"...don't let them in, don't let them see, be the good girl you always have to be. Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know... “  
Jodi chuckled at Nicky's sweet voice and choice of song. “Nice work Elvis." 

"Elvis?! Hmm that's a new one." Nicky grinned but could feel Jodi's heart beat slowly down. "Jodi? Jodi I need you to stand up with me. We need to get our circulation going again." 

"I can't." She cried, numb in so many places she couldn't feel her own body anymore. "I just... I just need to sleep it off." She struggled to keep her eyes open as her body slowly started to shut down. 

"Fuck... Jodi, look at me. Hey, come on, let's try calling for help again. Jodi..."

***

"He's not here, he has to be trapped inside." Mark argued with security as it had been 90 minutes since the power went out and his friend was nowhere to be seen. "You get back in there and you find him god damn it." 

"Mr Feehily, we can't re-enter the building. Fire fighters are assessing the damage in the basement but I..."

Mark grabbed the scruff of the man's shirt and pulled him close to his face as he seethed. "There’s two people inside that cold and dark building. Anything could have happened to them and if Nicky is hurt I'm going to fuck you up." 

"I'll ask for a search to be made." 

Mark shoved the man away and spat as he replied. "Good. Fucking hurry up... If anything has happened to him..." His mobile began to ring. It was Shane. 'Oh god, no!' 

***

Screaming as loud as his dry, sore throat would let him, Nicky cried for help as Jodi lay on the floor, barely holding it together. He put all his force into banging the doors and tried to prise them open.

"Please, help us, Jodi's not gonna last much longer. Come on, help! Help!"  
Suddenly there was hope. He heard a voice shouting from the other side of the door asking if anyone could hear them.  
"Here, we're in here. In the lift between 3rd and 4th. Please hurry... Please... Jodi, try and stand up now, come on... Jodi!" He yelled as he noticed her eyes closed and her body motionless. "No, no, come on babe... It’s OK, they're here now. They found us. Sit up, come on, open your eyes. Jodi..." Nicky sat her body up against the wall and rubbed her shoulders. "Jodi wake up for me yeah? Open your eyes." He lightly tapped her cheek and eventually she opened her eyes for a second. "Thank God... Jodi, look at me all right. We're gonna get out of here and then you're gonna be nice and warm at home with your little boy." 

As soon as the emergency services were called to the broken lift, they could hear Nicky's cries for Jodi to wake up. "Best call the medics boys. We need blankets and hot water. They need help and it could take a while to get them out. Bring me the head light." 

Outside, Mark cried down the phone to Shane. "I don't know where he is or what's going on. I feel so useless. I'm so sorry... I think he's with Jodi. She never came out either... No Shane don't come down here... Shane, no... Shane!" The call was ended and he collapsed to the floor. "Fuck... Fuck, fuck, fuck." 

Nicky could hear the machinery fire up and break the doors open to see what access they had. It seemed to be coming from above them. He held Jodi is his arms, trying to shake life back into her as she fell unconscious.  
"Listen, they're coming for us. Jodi, wake up, please don't do this to me." The fear for his own life was now wavered as he pleaded for Jodi to be OK. It was another ten minutes before light crept through the gap in the doors but the sigh of relief on Nicky's face suddenly warmed him up. "Thank God. Help, she's unconscious!" 

Shane ran through the crowds, looking for Mark. As soon as he spotted his friend crying on the ground, Shane dropped to the floor and gave him a hug. "Mark! Are you OK? Where's Nicky?"

"I don't know, I don't know." He wept in a panic, shaking as he in turn froze to the bone. 

"You're freezing. Here take my coat." Shane selflessly wrapped his coat around his best friend's shoulders. "What happened? Is it more than a power cut?" 

"Apparently it was just a boiler exploding but there wasn't a fire or anyone harmed. It caused the complete power cut. We all came outside nearly 2 hours ago and there’s been no sign of Nicky or Jodi since. I'm so sorry I couldn't do anything." 

"Hey this is not your fault."

"His phone just keeps going to answer machine. What if he tripped and fell and..." 

"No, shut up! I don't wanna hear that from you." Shane argued, keeping his arm around Mark for comfort. 

"I didn't keep him safe Shane. I failed you again, I'm so... "  
Shane punched him in the arm as a surprise tactic. He knew it wouldn't hurt given the amount of layers he was now wearing.  
"Ow! Guess I deserve that."

Shane shook his head and kissed Mark’s cheek. "You have done nothing wrong OK so shut your face. I love you, everything is going to be fine." Although he didn't believe it entirely, the last thing he wanted was Mark blaming himself.  
***

The paramedic talked Nicky through what to do. They lowered blankets down to them so he could wrap Jodi up. Scared stiff she'd slipped into a coma like state, Nicky continued talking to her, trying to wake her. The adrenaline rushing through his limbs kept him awake and his circulation picked up in the panic... But the gap in the door wasn't wide enough to pull anyone through it. 

"OK, Nicky we're going to have to get you from upstairs. We're going to climb down and open the escape hatch above your heads and go from there. Someone will climb in with you and lift Jodi out. Stay calm, it's nearly over." 

Nicky nodded and braced himself as he wiped the tears from his face. Jodi's lips were turning blue and her breathing was so shallow he felt she could completely stop any second now. 

Mark marched over to security as more service men rushed into the building to help the rescue. "What's going on? It’s Nicky isn't it?"

"There are two people stuck in the lift. One of which is in danger. They're doing everything they can to get them out safe." Paul calmly told Mark as he held back tears. "I don't know any more than that, sorry." 

"Danger?! No, he's not hurt is he?" Shane rushed to Mark’s side to hear the news and his face dropped. "Please, we have to know if it's Nicky in danger." 

"I'm sorry Mr Feehily. I don't know." 

Shane's heart skipped a beat. 'Danger, what danger, not my Nicky, please no, I can't lose him.' "He’s my boyfriend for god sake, I need to know he's OK." 

The boys stood begging the security guard for more answers for another 5 minutes until the saw the stretcher racing out of the entrance with a body, covered in blankets. Shane's face turned pale. He couldn't see the patient’s face and was petrified his lover was seriously injured. Just as he was about to jump from his spot, Nicky was wheeled out in a chair, his eyes dripping as his icing tears slowly trickled down his cheeks. 

"Oh thank fuck!" Shane cried, running to Nicky's side, Mark closely following. "Nicky, are you all right?"

Confused and dazed, Nicky's eyes met Shane's. "Shane... what are you... Mark."

Mark smiled and leaned down before Shane could to give the blonde a hug. "Thank god you're OK, I'm so sorry I couldn't do anything. I knew you were still in there but I..."

"It's fine... I'm fine." He kissed Mark’s cheek then held his hand out to Shane. He wrapped his arms around his chilly man and sobbed on his shoulder. "I was so scared. I thought she was gonna die on me. I don't know if she's gonna be OK." 

"Jodi?" Shane asked. "What happened to her? Is she hurt?" 

"It was so cold... I tried to keep her warm but... She's so skinny and... She's so cold, I couldn't help her."

"It’s OK babe, you're safe now. Let's get you to the hospital and warm you up. They'll take care of her I promise. You did what you could." 

Mark watched as Jodi's lifeless body was lifted into the back of the ambulance. He suddenly felt guilty for being so harsh to her but knew he wasn't the right person to follow her to the hospital. It turned out that whilst she was quickly escorted there, paramedics kept Nicky back, believing his second panic attack was over and all he needed was a hot drink, some clean, warm clothes and rest. 

"My cars just over there. Mark will you go turn the engine on and put the heater on for 5 minutes for me." He fished for his keys out of his trouser pocket and passed them to Mark who took off Shane's jacket and gave it back to him before running over the road to do as asked.  
"I'm gonna get you home and run you a nice hot bath then you can tell me what happened." 

"Thanks. What about Jodi? I need to know she's OK."

"Don't worry about it. I'll get Mark to find out and let us know. Come on, let's go."

"Shane wait... I love you so much. Thank you for coming for me. I was so scared, I couldn't call you to hear your voice. I didn't wanna freeze to death like her without you knowing how much you mean to me." 

"I love you too. The second Mark called I was down here. He's been beside himself with worry too. But I'm here now and everything is going to be OK. I promise." Shane leaned down to kiss Nicky's head, then lips. He noticed how cold the blonde’s face was but knew he could warm him up as soon as he got home. 

"We need to make sure Mark’s all right. If he can come home with us for a while I'd like that." Nicky smiled, thinking of how cold and worried their friend was too. "Does Kian know?"

"I'm not sure but I'll tell him to come with us then. Come on beautiful."

***

As Shane unlocked the front door, Nicky stood dancing in the brisk weather, clinging onto Mark’s arm so he didn't collapse. The second it was open, Nicky raced up the stairs and locked himself in the bathroom. Mark entered next and kept quiet until they'd reached the top of the stairs and Shane turned on the central heating. 

"Do you think he's OK?" Mark asked. 

"I bloody hope so. I just hope that Jodi woman is else he's never gonna forgive himself for not being able to keep her safe... What's your beef with her anyway?" Shane wandered into the kitchen and flicked the kettle on before checking on Nicky. 

"I dunno... But I feel bad now." Mark parked his bum at the table and huffed, receiving a pat to his shoulder as Shane passed. 

"You OK Nick?" He asked through the bathroom door. 

"One minute." He replied then flushed the chain. He stared at himself in the mirror and saw every line and wrinkle on his face. His stubble appeared brittle and his eyes were deep and tired from crying. He felt worn and broken. "Please be OK Jodi. Please." He whispered before grabbing his dressing gown and wrapping himself up in it. He appeared in the doorway of the kitchen as Shane poured them all a brew. "Hey." He cracked a half-hearted smile and stared at Mark. 

"You need to get changed out of those clothes until I run you a bath." Shane told him. "Go put your joggers on. I'll find a jumper for Mark." 

"I'll grab him one it’s fine." Nicky turned away but Shane jumped to his side like lightening. "What?"

"Don't worry about anything else. Just go and get changed... Go!"

The house was already offering a warmer air on Mark’s face. He took off his coat and checked his phone but Kian hadn't replied yet. He was back in Cork on a security job, a last minute step in so the boys didn't know their friend’s boyfriend wasn't around to comfort him. He was in a day dream wishing his man was close by as Shane came back and passed Mark a fleecy hoody.

"There you go mate, borrow that. You'll be toasty in no time. Heard anything from Ki yet?" When Mark explained why not Shane sighed and felt bad. "Why didn't you say so?! I'm glad we made you come back with us now."

"Nothing happened to me Shane, I'm fine." 

"Oh really?!" Shane laughed at his friend. "You were in no way affected by today's events?!" 

"It's not about me. I was scared for Nicky. I didn't want him to be hurt or see you suffer again." He sipped on his coffee and enjoyed the warm sensation trickle down his throat. "Is he OK?"

"He'll be fine. I'll run him a bath in a minute. Have you heard back from anyone about Jodi yet?"

"Nope. I don't imagine anyone will find out until later. I don't even know who to ask to be honest. We don't have any details for her. I don't remember her last name or anything. Nicky might know." 

Nicky re-entered the kitchen, fully wrapped in thick clothes and his robe. He sat beside Shane, opposite Mark and supped his cuppa, slowly swirling the coffee around his mouth before swallowing. He felt it thaw his throat but the pain of the temperature made him hiss. "Jesus... I don't think I've ever been that cold in my life." 

"You need to complain... Oh wait." Mark chuckled, realising he'd be the one dealing with the issue. "Not to me either. The higher powers."

"And say what? I'm not happy there was no radiator in the fucking lift when it broke?!" Nicky snapped, not meaning to upset his friend. “Sorry..."

"I meant ‘cause it took too long for them to search the property for the missing numbers. They were so concerned about the bang they didn't bother to follow procedures. If I hadn't noticed you were missing who knows how long you’d have been stuck in there."

"Jodi wouldn't have lasted any longer. You didn't see her lads... She was so weak and cold... I tried to hold her and share my heat but by the time I plucked up the courage to get close to her, I had no warmth left to share."

"Where were you going? It wasn't lunch time for another half hour."

"To see you! My office was freezing so I said I'd come see you for half an hour before lunch to warm up and told her to go down to her car to fetch her coat. If they hadn't blocked off the stairwell it wouldn't have happened." Nicky stared down at his coffee, the steam entering his nose and warming his face. "The whole morning had gone to shit already and then this. If she's seriously sick now... What do I do?"

Mark shrugged, unsure how to make a difference with his words. Shane placed his hand on Nicky's knee under the table. He leaned in to kiss the blonde’s cheek. "You did what you could babe. You kept her awake as long as you could right? You held her close and tried to keep her warm?"

"I gave her my coat until the medics gave me blankets... But it made no difference. She froze so quickly... I'm so scared for her. I know we don't know her but she was there calming me down when the lift broke and I was having a panic attack. She helped me so I helped her. We talked and... She's just a single mum trying to make a life for her baby. If she dies..."

Mark raised his eyebrows, "She's got a baby? I didn't know she had any kids. How old is it?"  
Nicky repeated what she'd told him and it softened Mark’s opinion. "Right... I do hope she's OK too Nicky, I'm not evil." 

"I know..." Nicky felt a lump growing in his throat. He was so afraid her little, innocent, fatherless baby boy was going to become an orphan. "She has to pull through for that boy. He doesn't have a dad... She needs to be OK lads, I couldn't bear the thought of knowing I was the last person she spoke to and I couldn't save her." 

Shane pulled him in for a cuddle and felt his eyes well up as he glared over at Mark. "It's gonna be fine, I promise. She'll be fine... Sshh, I'm so proud of you for being so brave." The brunette kissed Nicky's head and tried not to let himself be seen upset. "Come on, let's get you in that bath. You need to warm up and chill out." 

Simply nodding, Nicky followed Shane into the bathroom where scented oils were dropped into the warm water to create a soothing atmosphere for the victim. "I'll be right there in the lounge with Mark if you need me. Give me a shout when you're getting out and I'll make you another cuppa. But don't add hot water to the bath until you feel warm. You can't shock your body." 

"Thanks babe. Love you." He gave Shane a kiss on the lips and stripped down to nothing, desperate to lay in the tub of soft lavender bubbles to unwind. 

Joining Mark back in the kitchen, Shane invited his best friend to sit comfortably in the lounge. "What a day! Are you feeling calmer now?"

"Aye I'm fine. Hungry but warm now thanks." 

"What do you fancy to eat? I'll order us something when Nick's out the bath." Shane offered, picking up a bundle of take away menus and throwing them into Mark’s lap. 

***

The city council was closed down for the following two days. Only a select amount of staff were there to pick up the pieces and ensure all maintenance was completed before allowing staff back into work. The top dogs knew there'd be some backlash regarding the negligence towards Nicky and Jodi but until they were back in the office, the lads remained silent, planning their statements. 

Kian hadn't been able to pull out of his job and it'd kept him down in Cork for Mark’s time off work. So Shane made sure he wasn't alone by inviting him to stay over and keep Nicky company. He was happy for the boys to be together while he had to work and hoped they would keep each other sane while they waited to hear Jodi's fate.  
***

 

On Friday morning Shane drove both boys to work and walked into the building with them. He wanted answers too and he wasn't leaving until they'd received an apology. The receptionist was run off her feet as everyone else returned to work. The stress was written all over her face but she knew Nicky deserved the most attention. 

The blonde felt much better after his ordeal but swore he'd never set foot in a lift again. "Jodi, the woman in the lift with me... How is she?"

"Miss Anasta? She called in this morning. She's suffering Hyperthermia but she's OK." 

"Thank God. Is she still in the hospital?"

"Yes, she's being discharged tomorrow I think. How are you feeling?" 

"Better thanks. Especially now I know she's going to be all right. Thank you Karen." Nicky sighed in liberation and hugged Shane. "Are you still meeting us for lunch?"

"Yeah I'm gonna take an extra half hour so I'll come to you in the car. If you need me before then, either of you, just call me." 

Mark nodded and patted Shane's back. "Cheers bro. We'll be fine."

"I'm not happy you haven't got a sorry yet. Don't let them get away with this lads. Jodi's seriously sick cos of this, it easily could have been you Nick. I shouldn't leave until..."

"I know but it’s fine. They won't get away with it. See you later babe." He kissed Shane on the cheek to try and remain semi-professional and watched as Mark gave him a half hug, thanking him for the lift to work.  
"Back to the grind then bud. If the heater isn't fixed I'm going home!" 

Sat up in his warm office, Nicky went online and ordered a bouquet of flowers to be delivered to Jodi's hospital bedside. She'd been allocated her own recovery room which gave her permission to receive the bloom which was a comfort to Nicky as he had no idea where else to send them. He just wanted to let her know he was concerned and sending get well wishes. He didn't know how long she'd be off work or if she'd return but now he knew she hadn't slipped away he felt a sense of solace and put faith in her recovery.  
***

By the middle of the day, Nicky had been called into the big boss’s office to explain what had happened and what he wanted to do about it. He explained how he appreciated it was just one of those things but wasn't satisfied with the way security failed to ensure his safety. The boss agreed that protocol hadn't been met and he was disappointed in the failed process, insisting a disciplinary would take place for those involved but he was expecting a bigger fuss from Nicky. 

"What exactly can you do about it now?! It was cold and now I'm OK. It's not your fault I had the panic attack, it's mine for facing my fears." Nicky really didn't see the point in making a fuss and losing his job over it. "There's nothing I want out of this, I just wanna forget about it. It's Jodi that should be suing you... And I hope she does." Nicky’s decorum slowly slipped as he expressed himself.

"We understand Miss Anasta is entitled to do so but we also want to ensure your faith and comfort in the company is up to scratch. You will be paid for the days off this week."

Nicky chuckled. "Oh yeah along with everyone else... Look I've only been here 6 months, you owe me nothing. What has the council ever done for me apart from give me a job anyway?! My department is an absolute joke, my staff are so incompetent I wish I'd stayed on complaints with Mark and his systems are constantly cocking up." Instead of asking for compensation, Nicky found himself spurting complaint after complaint and couldn't stop himself. "Furthermore... The animal welfare department doesn't even run in conjunction to the complaints department so how can I do my job when half the fucking work isn't coming direct to me?! What sort of establishment like this doesn't have in-house maintenance anyway?! I mean, I know it isn't the Houses of Parliament or anything but don't the people helping County Sligo residents deserve some security and respect?" He took a deep breath and covered his face as he instantly regretted his outburst. 

Raising his eyebrows at Nicky's audacity, the boss nodded and pouted after hearing what the blonde really thought. "OK... So you're not happy. Do you want a settlement?" 

"A settlement?! And then have no job all because of your inconsistencies and incompetency? No!"

"Mr Byrne I don't know what else to suggest. I get your frustrations and we'll endeavour to rectify all the issues you've stated here but we're very sorry that you had to experience such an uncomfortable situation and we'd like to compensate you for it." 

"How?! I'm not the one lying in a hospital bed with hyperthermia." Nicky fought back, having raised his voice again. "Jodi could have died in my arms. How am I supposed to feel comfortable taking any kind of cash reward for trying to save someone's life?"

"It's not a reward Nicky... Look why don't you just take the weekend to think about it? Clearly you're still upset..."

"Don't patronise me!" Nicky was beyond upset. He was angry and felt let down and all he could think about was how Jodi had become the real victim. "Fine. I'll take the weekend to think about it... I'll take the rest of the day off while I'm at it." He rose from his seat and stared down at the man in charge. He already regretted being a jackass but was too embarrassed and angry to apologise there and then so he took the opportunity to run. 

"Mr Byrne..." He shouted after the irate blonde but huffed when he was left alone to conclude the meeting. "Oh boy! We're in trouble."

Storming into Mark’s office without a care for anyone listening, Nicky kicked the door closed with his foot and growled in fury. "What an absolute cock!"

"Whoa, calm down. What's going on?" Mark immediately stopped what he was doing and gave his full attention to Nicky. "Dude, what happened?"

"That stupid son of a bitch... He totally patronised me and wants to reward me with a cash settlement for saving Jodi's life!" 

"What?! That makes no sense. Why would..."

"I told him what a fuck up this place is. Everyone is so useless and doesn't give a shit about the safety of its employees... I told him I hope Jodi sues them."

"Erm, OK... So did you quit or something?" Mark was confused and couldn't believe Nicky would rant at the big bosses and still remain employed. 

"No, I need this job which just makes me a massive hypocrite. Argh I'm so pissed off right now... He only wants to compensate me so I don't go to the press and expose the truth about their negligence. If it wasn't for them Jodi wouldn't be in hospital and I know it's her choice to sue or not but I just feel they're trying to hide, not admit their mistake. Yeah they wanna see I'm satisfied but it doesn't feel right ya know?"

"Nicky... It's a political place round here. Not everyone is going to enjoy the job and..."

"But it's not about the other people. It's not about you, Carole or Karen... It's about them trying to buy my silence."

Mark sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "You need to calm down. I completely understand your point but getting worked up over this when they're at least trying to offer you some form of compensation isn't going to help. You can't go in there all guns blazing then not expect them to try and put it right." 

"But..." Nicky huffed and finally felt deflated. He sat down on the chair beside Mark’s desk and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry Mark. I'm just so angry..."

"Jodi is going to be OK Nicky. You have to let it go." 

"I know I... I'm finishing up for the day. I have the weekend to think about what I want. I think I'm gonna go see Jodi at the hospital. Maybe it'll help to clear my head a little." 

"Good idea. I'm sure she'd like to see you... Are you still up for later?"

"Yeah course. I'll see you later man. Sorry." Nicky stood to his feet and wiped his hands over his face. "I just need to get my head straight first." 

"I didn't mean to put you in your place Nick..."

"No it's fine. We're at work, you need to protect your territory." 

"No it's not that..." Mark argued but Nicky had had enough. He watched the blonde head for the door and didn't know what else to say. "Nicky, please..."

"Laters!" Nicky held his hand up as he kept his head forward and walked away. He needed to get to the hospital quick and there was nothing anyone could do to stop him. 

*** 

Jodi’s face lit up as Nicky was granted permission to visit the patient. He stepped into the room and smiled. "Nicky? What a pleasant surprise." 

"Hey, how are you feeling? You got the flowers then." He noticed his bouquet taking pride of place by her bed. 

"Yes thank you so much, they're beautiful. What are you doing here?"

"I just needed to see you were OK. Tuesday was so scary... I've been worried sick about you all week." Nicky smiled and stood by her bed unsure whether to make himself comfortable. "I'm so relieved you made it through."

"Sorry I freaked you out. I didn't know I was already ill... So have they apologised yet?"

"They tried grovelling to me earlier but I lost the plot at them. I was so angry Jodi, all I could think of was nearly losing you. I genuinely thought you were gonna die on me." Nicky’s voice broke as he felt his emotions get the better of him again. "I couldn't bear the thought of your little boy being an orphan."

"Oh Nicky, you're so sweet. Thank you for doing your best to save me. You're a true gentleman. If you weren't gay I'd kiss you right now." Jodi was touched by Nicky's concern and felt that maybe she'd finally found a real friend, a positive from such a traumatic ordeal.  
Nicky blushed and chuckled. He leaned down to give Jodi a hug and kissed her cheek.  
"But a hug will suffice. Thank you." She held his hand for a second and squeezed it. "You don't need to worry about me and Cobi. We're gonna be fine. I don't want you to lose your job by defending me. You don't know me, you don't owe me anything." 

"I know I just... I just wanted to make sure you were OK. It was a pretty big deal and you're the only person that knows how I feel. I just wanted to confirm you weren't upset with me."

"How could I be upset with you?! You were amazing. You did everything you could and I'll never forget that. Your boyfriend is so lucky to have such a wonderful, selfless gentleman on his arm and I'm willing to bet that's what he's sees in you." Coughing through her weakness and sore throat, Jodi squeezed Nicky's hand again and smiled up at him. "Thanks again for being there for me. It really means a lot... But don't throw away your job over me. Make a stand but protect yourself. I can defend myself, I don't need you fighting my corner Nicky. Please be strong and move on, I'm going to be fine I promise." 

Nicky nodded and felt a little better for seeing the brunette. There was colour back in her cheeks and despite her flu symptoms, she looked 10 times better than the last time he saw her. "Promise you'll take it easy all right? If you need to talk just call me. Here's my number..." He reached in his back pocket for a business card. "Any time OK? I'm here if you need a shoulder." 

"Bless you... Thank you so much. I'll be back to work in no time."

***


	4. Chapter 4

It was 3 and a half weeks before Jodi was fit for work but with Christmas just around the corner she opted to remain off for the last days the office was open but visited her appointment with the big men in charge. Sligo was coated in a blanket of pure white snow and the temperature worried her but she wrapped up warm to face the music.   
As soon as she arrived there was a hamper and bouquet of flowers at reception waiting from everyone in the building. She was touched by their generosity but needed more than material gestures as an apology.   
After an hour of discussion, they came to the agreement Jodi would receive monetary compensation on top of her statuary sick pay and was offered more hours in the department she felt most comfortable in. She was desperate to remain by Nicky's side but when she was told he'd settled for a job share in his management role in order to continue being Mark’s assistant part time too, she was slightly disappointed. 

On a Wednesday Nicky would assist Mark in the afternoon and continue the job through to Friday. He was much happier with this arrangement and felt relaxed in the work place.   
The boys sat in the office, drinking coffee as they stared out the glass window at the girls working away. When they notice Jodi walk through the room towards their door, Nicky's face lit up. 

Knock knock!   
She entered. "Hello boys."

Mark was kind of happy to see her. He'd softened to her since hearing Nicky's concern for so long and so greeted her with a hug before Nicky could. 

"Hey, you're back." Mark smiled. "It's great to see you looking so well."

"Thank you... Hey you!" She hugged Nicky in turn, holding him slightly longer and tighter than she had done Mark. "So I hear you've abandoned me."

"No, not at all... I just couldn't manage without you so I delegated the stress." He sniggered. "You look great."

"Thanks, I feel a lot better too but I'm not coming back until the New Year. I just wanted to stop by and say hi. Wish you both a merry Christmas." Mark held his hand out to his chair, offering her a seat so she nodded and took it. "Thanks, you're a sweetheart. So how are you two? No more drama?"

Nicky shrugged and rolled his eyes. "Just the usual shit. They took my rant pretty seriously so a few things seem to be better already. I just can't wait for a week off. Are you ready for Christmas?"

"Not really. It's Cobi's first year but I'm lucky that he has no idea about it. My mum's had to do the shopping for me... But, at least I'm feeling a bit better and can enjoy it. You boys have any plans?"

Mark made Jodi a coffee the way he remembered she liked it and passed her the cup. "Just the same old thing. Get drunk, see family and friends. Nicky and I are spending New Year with our partners as a 4. That should be pretty epic." 

"Thanks. Sounds like fun. I'll look forward to hearing all about it."

The lads were so happy to see a smile on her face they didn't push her out the door too soon. They had a catch up and Mark realised that she wasn't a bad girl after all. In fact he thought she was quite sweet and funny. Nicky noticed his friend’s change in attitude towards her which made him happy too. Maybe eventually she'd become good friends with them and they'd invite her for that lunch but until then, they kept their friendship in the office and they all wished each other a happy holidays on her exit. 

Mark noticed Nicky's suggestive grin as Jodi left them. "What?!"

"You like her!" Nicky teased. "You think she's nice after all."

"Fine, she's nice. I'm sorry I doubted you. I'm not a total monster you know." 

"Told ya... I wish she'd eat a burger though. As if she wasn't skinny enough before she got sick." Nicky grimaced at the ribs he'd noticed poking through her shirt once she'd taken her coat off. "She's a pretty girl, she can afford to gain a few pounds." 

"Do you find her attractive?" Mark dared to ask. 

"What?! No of course not. Not in that way. I've got my beef at home, why would I want chicken scraps? You didn't have to cuddle her man, it was like holding a Twiglet. I thought I'd snap her in half." 

"Fair enough. You can admit if you think a girls pretty you know. I won't tell Shane."

"She is pretty but I don't fancy her. Just because I used to shag women doesn't mean I want to again but I'm not afraid to say if I think someone is pretty in fear of being accused of an attraction. Are you scared to call a guy fit in front of Kian?"

"Well I don't do that, I don't look, I love him."

Nicky laughed. "Exactly. But you should be able to compliment someone's looks without wanting to get in their pants. None of the girls I went with look anything like her. Jodi's more sophisticated and brunette. I went for the blonde bimbos."

"If you lost Shane would you go for someone like him again?"

"If I lost Shane I wouldn't go for anyone again. I'm only gay because of him... Because he's the absolute epitome of perfect." 

"OK I get the picture, no one is above Shane!" Mark chuckled and shook his head as Nicky day dreamed about touching his man all over. 

***

On Christmas Eve the boys dressed in their best festive jumpers and hit the town with every intention of getting so drunk they couldn't open their gifts until lunch time the next day. They started their night at Nicky's gaff, downing shots, pulling crackers and exchanging silly gifts. They decided to buy each other a small joke gift and then do a secret Santa. Luckily no one had pulled out their own name and it wasn't too difficult to find a decent present for their receiver. 

Kian had picked Shane and wasn’t entirely sure what to get him but when he thought about his passion, he had a local budding artist paint a small portrait of Harley and Shane loved it. 

Shane had picked Mark which made it easy for him. He bought a professionally printed photo album of their memories since childhood and attached a DVD inside that played home videos of their school plays. Mae had kept them all and Mark hadn't seen them for over 20 years so he was excited to get the chance to reminisce.

Mark had found himself with the task of buying for Nicky so he carefully listened to everything the blonde had talked about for 2 weeks, trying to get ideas. In the end he chose a personalised Top Gun t-shirt and threw a new jazzy belt buckle in with it knowing Nicky was into his blinging fashion. 

Kian received his gift from Nicky. The oldest boy had struggled the most with how to please his part time boss’s boyfriend. He was a bit of a mystery and didn't talk much about himself but eventually during their last open mic night Kian had mentioned his interest in surfing. He'd not had a lot of time to enjoy the waves this summer but always tried to catch one when he could so Nicky had managed to get hold of a replica, scale model surfboard, commemorating the success of 2 times world champion John John Florence.   
All the silly gifts were either office, alcohol or sex related. 

When the lads hit their local they each took their turn to sing some festive songs on the karaoke. Nicky and Shane laughed their way through Fairy-tale of New York and Kian got the crowd bopping to I Wish it could be Christmas Everyday. But when it was Mark’s turn the pub fell silent as he performed an epic rendition of O Holy Night. His voice projected around the room and reduced people to tears. It was by far his most impressive performance to date and the barmaid was so impressed she gave the boys a free round of Guinness. 

Shane high fived Mark as the barmaid left with her empty tray. "Nice work Freddie. You were awesome." 

"Where did that voice come from?!" Kian was in awe of his boyfriend’s talent. He knew he was good but that song blew his mind. 

Mark blushed as his friends complimented him but shrugged off his ability to amaze. "It's always been my favourite." Kian leaned in and kissed his man. "Don't you remember me telling you I sung it at the school festival when I was 14?"

Shane suddenly remembered the event and agreed it was a roaring applause back then. "God, yeah my mam went on about it all Christmas." 

"Ha-ha, you did that stupid dance with the girls to Jingle Bell Rock."

Shane looked embarrassed and laughed as he recalled the very sequence he uncomfortably had to do in front of a room full of people. "Oh god. I think that might be on the DVD you know... I did raise the roof during the finale though with Rocking Around the Christmas Tree." 

"Christ I hope that's on there." Mark chuckled. "Edele slipped and did the splits but she made it look like it meant to happen and then Rory Bassinger fell off the stage." 

"Do you remember the Backstreet Boys one we did in summer? We looked like a proper boyband." 

The memories of their past caused them to laugh for quite some time until they were interrupted by the manager. "Hey boys. I was wondering if you'd be interested in a gig in January." 

"A gig?!" Mark repeated, confused. "What do you mean?"

"I'm expanding the stage area and changing karaoke night to a Sunday so I can have live bands and artist back on Friday nights. We've not done it for a while because open mic night was always such a success but we've been scouting the talent and you lads are amazing." 

Shane grinned at Nicky and shook his head. "We're not artists John, we just fool around for a laugh." 

"So fool around and get paid for it. I'm paying the band's to perform so I want people I know the punters will love. You boys always get the best reaction." He went round the table and picked their best features. "Kian, you're the master on guitar and piano, you could play live music... Nicky, your harmonies are pitch perfect and your cute looks make the girls crazy... Shane, your voice is so versatile and you like a real popstar and Mark... Jesus Mark your voice is so powerful you make my customers cry and reduce the room to silence. I've never seen you perform as a 4 piece but if you guys are up for forming a band then I want you on my stage on opening night." 

The boys looked at each other unsure what to say. They shrugged at each other and nodded, silently agreeing to give it a bash and see if they worked as a team. 

"What do you say? I have so much faith in you, I know you can pull this off and why not get paid for being here?" 

Shane held his hand out to the manager and nodded. "OK... We'll try something out over Christmas and see if it's a feasible venture. Thanks." 

"How much are we talking?" Kian worried his job would affect his ability to perform but he felt if it was going to work he'd find a new firm to work for and make sure he was free to commit to the band. 

"The going rate for an hour is 2 days wages, each." 

"Nice one!" Nicky finally piped up. "We'll have a performance ready for you by next week." 

"Nicky!" Shane blasted, unsure the promise was viable. 

"See you soon." The blonde winked before the manager trotted off with an excited posture. "What?! We can do it. It'll be grand." 

"You seriously want to be in a boyband?!" Shane asked his man, previously believing Nicky's interest in Ronan Keating was just a man crush, not over a desire to actually be him. 

"For that extra cash, yeah! And he's right... You two especially have such incredible voices that with my harmonies and Kian's instruments we could be amazing." 

"OK... I'm in. It's worth a try. Mark?" 

"Sure why not. It's not like we're signing our lives away to Simon Cowell." 

"Yes!" Nicky beamed as he grabbed the air with his fist and nearly elbowed Shane in the ribs. "So... We need a name lads." He clapped and rubbed his palms together, raring to talk about their brave and daring request to be Sligo's answer to a Boyzone.

***


	5. Chapter 5

With Christmas and New Year out the way, Shane and Nicky sat on their sofa with Mark and Kian beside them. They'd all spent more time together over the holidays than initially intended but the more they talked about the band, the more they thrived to make it a success. 

Shane had spoilt Nicky Christmas day. He woke his sleeping beauty by rolling his tongue down Nicky's morning glory which progressed to a passionate romp under the covers, not ending until both boys were saturated in sweat and semen. They shared a shower and when he felt sober enough, Shane drove them over to the stables so he could give Harley a kiss and presented Nicky with his new best friend. In the stable next to Harls was a stunning 5 year old, grey dappled, Connemara stallion standing at 14.2 hands. 

The beautiful show pony was to be Nicky’s pride and joy but firstly, Harley's best friend. "Wow he's gorgeous."

"You like him? He's already won awards in Galway for dressage. His owner had an accident and couldn't ride again so she wanted him to fulfil his destiny and was happy for him to come here to his new daddy."

"And I'm said daddy right?!" He received a nod and kiss from Shane as he wished him happy Christmas. "What's his name?"

"She gave him the show name Flash Diamond but we already have Carlton Diamond so I hope to change it to something else. He doesn't have a pet name yet. What do you think?" 

"Erm... How about Austin." 

"Where did you pull that from?!" Shane bemused face didn't understand the reference.

"You have your Harley so I'll have my Austin Martin." He grinned. "His show name can be Flash Martin... Can't it boy?"

Shane loved the thought Nicky had put into the name. He could see how much the blonde loved the grey already and they couldn't wait to take him for a ride. Nicky hadn’t bought anything quite as expensive as a horse for Shane but he did present his lover with flight and accommodation tickets to Paris to spend their first Valentine's together in style, albeit a day or so late. They'd shared their lunch with Shane's family and the evening at Nicky's parents’ house, getting drunk and playing games leaving boxing day for them to chill together after taking best friends Harley and Austin out for a few loops of the paddock.

With just 2 days to go before they had to showcase their talents to John, the boys went over the set list again and came to agreement as to which songs to perform. Kian was hell bent on playing The Boys are Back in Town on his electric guitar so his choice was set in stone. They wanted to do a piano number too but argued about which tune to pick. 

"I really like Angel but I'm predominantly singing on it and I'd prefer we all did our bit." Shane admitted, trying to play fair. "So what about Safe. We got a good response to that last time and it's an original track." 

All boys agreed. It meant Kian could play the piano over the top of a simpler backing track but have plenty of vocals to fill the gaps.   
Nicky decided he wanted to bring in another up-tempo track so settled for I've Gotta Feeling knowing they could easily share the lines but he felt comfortable taking the lead on several verses. It was always a crowd pleaser.   
Mark mulled over the last choice. There was so many possibilities but he felt covering a Boyzone song would favour the Irish fans and suggested they picked from either When all is Said and Done, Everyday I love You or I Love the Way You Love Me. Nicky pointed out the most well-known of the three was the latter so they added it to the list and settled for 3 covers and one original. 

"We still haven't decided on the band name lads." Nicky pointed out.   
Mark shrugged and couldn't care less what they settled on. He asked for Kian's input but he was happy to let Nicky and Shane take the reins on it. "I don't wanna sound stupid." 

Shane sighed and thought about it for a minute before making a decision. "Fine, I'll call it... Either Westside or 4-as-1." 

Kian, Mark and Nicky all replied in unison. "Westside!" And the band was born.

***

Jodi could see the nerves on Nicky's face as he started off the week in his own office. He really needed to be with Mark that morning so they could keep each other calm but it wasn't possible. 

"What's wrong with you today? You're so jittery and on edge." 

Nicky sighed and couldn't hold back his secret anymore. He hadn't wanted to jinx the night by getting too hyped up with anyone else but he was dying to share the news with Jodi. "I have an audition type thing tonight." 

"Audition?! For what?! The Voice?" She giggled. 

"Not quite but you're on the right track." He began gaining her full attention. "The lads and I have been asked to create a boyband and we accepted."

"Asked by who?!"

"The manager at Stages. We've been doing karaoke and open mic there for like, 8 months, and he wants to pay us to perform at the new live nights. So... We've put something together and tonight we have to perform together so he can see if we're any good." 

Jodi clapped and laughed in disbelief. "Oh my god that's brilliant. What are you going to sing?"

"A few covers and a song Shay and Mark wrote. I was well up for it before but now I'm bricking it." 

"No Let It Go then?" She smirked, recalling Nicky's sweet voice in her ear while they sat in the lift. 

"Ha-ha, I doubt it. Besides, that's our song and you won't be there to hear it." 

"Ooh, we have a song? Does your boyfriend know?" She teased. 

"No. I missed that bit out when I told him what happened. I wasn't in the mood to make light of the situation."

"How was he about it all?"

"He looked after me and was proud of how I tried to keep you warm. He knows I'm not interested in anyone else so he wasn't jealous." Nicky smiled and checked the time. "God why is today going so slowly." 

"Aww he sounds so lovely Nicky. If he was my man I wouldn't let anyone else touch him. He sounds like a keeper." 

"Trust me, if anyone tries touching him again I'll have their guts for garters."   
Jodi asked what he meant by 'again'. "His ex was crazy... He was in a really bad relationship and they didn't appreciate him. All they did was hurt him and it broke him... I vowed to skin the next person who even came close to touching him again." 

"Sounds crap... At least he has you to look out for him now." 

"Too right. And if I ever see the cunt that did it to him, they'll wish they were never born!" 

Jodi stared at Nicky's serious threat and took a mental note never to cross him. 

***

Shane rallied his troops and gave them a pep talk about how to make the branch a success. He was happy with the way everyone had cracked down to work so far but he too was feeling the nerves that day. As he stared out the window at the rain he noticed a girl walking hand in hand with her boyfriend across the street. As he looked closer at the couple he knew his eyes weren't deceiving him. His heart began to race and he froze on the spot. 

'That’s her! It's definitely her.' Shane's audition nerves turned to a blood boiling panic and he quickly stepped away from the window. He ran to his desk drawer, pulled out the cigarette box and hopped out to the back door without a word. Ignoring the rain, wetting his gelled hair, the brunette took a long, deep drag of his fag and tried to calm himself. 'Not today... I can't be doing with this. Not today.'   
In that moments thought his mobile rang in his pocket. It was Nicky, checking up on him. He didn't want to worry him with his discovery just yet so he put on a happy face and told his man, he was excited for the evening and couldn't wait to hold him in his arms. The boys had been so busy working and rehearsing with the band, they'd not had a lot of alone time and Shane was craving Nicky's arms now more than ever. He needed to know Nicky was close, protecting him from his wild imagination and as he held back the tears in his eyes he told his boy how much he loved him and promised tonight was going to be amazing... even though inside he was screaming. 

"Are you outside?!" Nicky asked over the phone, hearing the rainfall clear as day. 

"Yeah I was just getting some fresh air. I haven't stopped all day. I need to go see Mam in a minute so I was seeing how bad the rain was." He fibbed, stubbing out his smoked cigarette.   
How long was he going to keep that a secret? It was only the occasional smoke but he didn't know why he didn't just admit to Nicky it was how he handled stress at work. 'I won't be his perfect man if he knew. He hates smoking. He always stands away from Mark when he social smokes. Even Mark doesn't know I have the crafty one now and again. No one knows... Let's keep it that way.'   
"Anyway I best go babe. I'm starving." 

"Yeah me too. Mark’s just bailed on me so I'm going to the canteen with Jodi today instead." 

"OK babe. Say hi from me and tell her I hope she's well." Shane said politely. 

He hadn't bothered to communicate with her before but came to realise Nicky was becoming good friends with her and he had other things on his mind to care. He trusted his man and knew there was no attraction between the colleagues, just a bond they'd created in the unfortunate event in November. 

"Will do, thanks. See you later then, love you." 

"I love you too Nicky. More than anything in the world... Bye." He hung up and took a deep breath but decided to spark up another ciggy before seeing his mum for lunch.

***

"...so completely, I love... The way that you love me." Shane finished the last line of their final track and the work force went wild. 

John was flabbergasted by the band's audition and wasted no time in signing them up to be his opening act in two week’s time. "Lads... You've got the gig." 

All four boys hugged each other and everyone saw as Mark kissed Kian and Shane planted a smacker on Nicky. Their relationships didn't bother John but he politely requested they kept their embraces for offstage once they were in front of the crowds. He didn't care if people knew they were all gay but felt the girls would flock more often if they faked some flirty looks their way; a trick Shane and Nicky were happy to provide.   
Celebrating their win with a free pint, the lads sat at the bar and proposed a toast to put their heart and soul into their new job. Nicky was so excited he told Shane he needed to call Jodi to give her the good news so he took the time to make a trip to the men's. As he relieved himself, Shane's mind wandered and he was back at work, seeing the girl walking down the road. He stood in front of the sink and was found staring down into the basin by Kian who entered behind him. 

"Are you OK?" Kian looked concerned for his band mate. "Not too overwhelmed I hope." 

"Oh no, it's not that. I couldn't be happier about this... It's nothing, really." He washed his hands as Kian took his place at the urinal. 

"Doesn't look like nothing mate." 

"Huh... Seriously it's nothing to worry about. I'll be fine." Shane smiled with little enthusiasm in his eyes. "It's just work stuff that's all." He lied, desperate for another cigarette. 

"You're shaking Shane. What's going on?" Kian rinsed his hands and folded his arms with his back against the sinks. "You can talk to me you know." 

"There's nothing to talk about Ki, just drop it OK. Let's not ruin tonight." Shane refused to enlighten the blonde with a hint of what he was worrying about but he found it hard to keep his concern from Nicky once back in the bar. 

When Nicky noticed the look between his boyfriend and friend he gave a confused expression to Mark and whispered to him. "What's up with them two?"

"No idea but I get the sense Shane isn't happy about something. He's not jealous of Jodi is he? You two are good friends now." 

"Nah, he's fine about her. He went as far as to ask me to send his regards this morning." Nicky took a swig from his pint and glared at Shane who stood with a frown on his face. "I'll talk to him." Sliding down the bar to his man's side, Nicky slipped his arm around Shane's waist and kissed his cheek. "What's up gorgeous?"

"Nothing I'm fine Nicky." He faked a smile but Nicky wasn't stupid. 

He reached into Mark’s coat pocket and pulled his packet of fags out without being noticed then he held Shane's hand to lead him outside. He opened the box and handed Shane a cigarette. 

Shane stared at the smoke and then at Nicky. "What? I don't smoke." He denied.

"Bullshit. Just have it." Nicky told him and waited for him to reluctantly spark up and take his first drag. "So I'll ask again... What's the craic?"

"How did you know?" He asked blowing smoke into the air. 

"You think I can't smell it on you?! Why didn't you just tell me? We've been together nearly 9 months and you couldn't admit to having the odd cig?!"

"Sorry... It's not that often... I think I've smoked more today than I have in the last 2 months." He bowed his head ashamed and took Nicky's hand. "Huh... I saw Aoife today." 

"Aoife? Rhaiya's sister?" Shane nodded close to tears. "Did she see you?"

"No... She was just walking down the street with her boyfriend. I recognised him too so they're still together."

"OK... So why has it got you so down?"

"Just because Nicky. You saw what I was like the day I thought Paige was her. This time it was and I panicked. If Aoife is still around then maybe Rhaiya is too. What if she sees our band advertised and she turns up at the show?"

"Do you really think she'd have the guts to do that?! She can't hurt you again babe." 

"You don't know that. I'm scared Nicky. I wanna do this gig and make a go of this but being exposed to the public means posing a risk." 

"I suppose but... We've got your back and we could ask the bouncers to keep an eye out for her." 

"I've destroyed every photo I owned of her and I can't find her on social media. It's like she doesn't actually exist anymore."

"Maybe it's just an agreement after rehab to find and block you first. Or maybe she just doesn't bother with it. It doesn't matter, if she does make an appearance you tell us straight away and we'll sort it out. Anyway, it's not like our faces will be plastered on the promo posters. No one knows who we are." 

"And you think that'll stop John? He wants the girls in, I'm expecting him to post our faces all over town... I'm just worried I won't be able to perform if she turns up." 

"Shane, look at me. I'm not gonna, we're not gonna, let her anywhere near you, I promise she can't get to you. If you ever catch a glimpse of her anywhere, you tell me and I'll deal with it. I'm going to break her ribs." 

Shane chuckled at how defensive his beautiful man was. "You won't touch her Nick cos if you do, you're going to prison and she is not being the reason I lose you. I'd die first... I'm sorry I know I'm probably just overreacting but we have to be careful. I don't wanna ruin this." 

"Jodi might come along. I said I'd let her know the details. I'm sure there's some other people at work who wanna come too. It's gonna be great I can feel it." Nicky wrapped his arms around Shane and gave him a comforting hug before pressing a soft kiss on his lips. "Love you my little popstar." 

"Thanks Nico... I wouldn't be able to do this without you by my side." 

***


	6. Chapter 6

There was nothing left for the boys to do but work and rehearse their sets ready for the opening night. They laid off the karaoke and open mic night in the meantime and helped promote themselves online. The anticipation was building and Shane was getting more and more nervous that Rhaiya would catch wind of the show and ruin it but Nicky continued to promise his safety and make threats against his ex. 

D-day arrived. Jodi had promised Nicky she'd make it to the gig after securing her mum's babysitting skills for Cobi. She'd shown him photos of the little boy and Nicky fell in love with his cheeky little smile and crawling videos. He was secretly excited to meet the boy sometime but didn't want to ask her to do such a thing. 

As Shane scanned the bar from the side lines he was confident there was no sign of Rhaiya or Aoife and he began to relax. All 4 boys huddled together and said a prayer before opening the event with their audition numbers. They were to perform twice that night. First and second to last; their second set being another mixture of cover tracks and a new song they'd penned together against a spare backing track, just like their first set list. But Nicky was gutted when he realised Jodi hadn't made it to the start. The punters loved every minute of their show. It set the audience alive and the night was going off with bang.   
Mark was in his element as the feedback he got from belting the ballads gained him copious amounts of compliments. Some were flocking as John hoped, to have selfies taken with the band. He was so proud of his creation he knew they had to be a regular booking and couldn't wait to hear what else they had to offer. 

"I can't believe Jodi isn't here yet." Nicky complained to Mark. "She said she'd got a sitter."

"Call her then. See where she is." Mark suggested so when Shane encouraged him to do so too he told Nicky to tell her he was looking forward to finally meeting her too. 

"She's still coming but she might not get here in time for the next set." Nicky told the lads. "Could be a blessing I suppose."

Shane laughed. "We're not bad are we? We can still have a drink with her, it’s fine." 

"Yeah I suppose. Let's see what happens." Nicky frowned trying not to feel down. He really wanted Jodi to see them on stage so he could prove he was able to sing more than a silly princess song but she wasn't to get there in time for more than the last few words of their last song.   
The lads thanked the crowd for their support and as Nicky looked out into the audience he saw Jodi at the bar. His face lit up as he grabbed Shane's arm and pushed Mark down the step to the floor. 

"She's here!" He declared. Rushing off towards her at the end of the bar, the lads stayed where they were having being collared too quickly for more photos. "You made it." Nicky jumped in to offer Jodi a hug and told her she could follow him backstage to meet the boys and he'd get her a drink there. 

She looked gorgeous. Her shiny dark hair was pinned up in a pretty bun and she wore a black lace body-con dress with velvet heels. For a second, Nicky looked at her and felt a slight twinge in his pants. Maybe she was fit after all. "I'm so sorry I missed it. Cobi was sick over my first dress then he wouldn't settle so I had to stay back. But I'm here now and I can't wait to meet this fella of yours. Where are they?" 

"Back here, come on." Nicky took hold of her hand and pulled her through the crowd to the boys where they'd managed to crawl away into the back dressing room. He opened the door to the lads laughing, Mark facing him.

"Hey you, glad you could make it." Mark leaned in to kiss Jodi on the cheek. 

When Shane realised their company was there, he turned from Kian and smiled at Jodi to welcome her as Nicky spoke. 

"Jodi, this is my boyfriend Shane." 

As Jodi and Shane's eyes met there was silence. Jodi's jaw dropped as Shane's stomach fell from his body. His heart stopped and his mouth ran dry. When Mark, Kian and Nicky witnessed the colour drain from Shane's face they worried. 

"Wha... Rhaiya!" 

"Shane?!" Jodi finally responded in shock. "What are you..." She looked at Nicky and couldn't force another word from her lips as she realised Shane was Nicky's boyfriend. 

Nicky felt a sweat rush down his chest as he saw the fear in Shane's eyes. He stepped back from Jodi and began to shake in fear. "Rhaiya?! What do you mean, Rhaiya?!"

Shane closed his mouth to grit his teeth as he felt his hands close to a fist. "What the fuck are you playing at?!" 

Nicky ran to Shane's side and stared at Jodi. "Jodi?" The blonde wanted answers too.

"That's not Jodi!" Shane screamed. "It's Rhaiya." He couldn't move from his spot or take his eyes off the girl he feared would ruin the night. He couldn't understand why she was there. Did she know? Was it a trick? "What are you doing here?"

"Me?!" She replied wide eyed. "Since when were you gay?!"

Nicky shook his head dumbfounded by the revelation. He was mortified that he was the one that had bought Shane's past knocking at their door. "What?! You're Rhaiya?!" 

"Nicky I had no idea I swear." She began to defend herself as her ex let tears fall down his cheeks. "Shane..."

"Don't say my name!" He yelled at her. "Get out! Just get out!" 

"Shane I'm so sorry, let me explain, I had no idea who Nicky was I swear to you... “

The fear in him had subsided and now all he felt was anger and uncontrollable adrenaline. He unclenched his fist and walked towards Jodi as everyone watched. Swinging his arm with some force, he slapped her around the face, hard and made everyone gasp in shock. 

"You need to leave right now before you really get hurt... Jodi!" Shane spat in her face. He leaned in close with menacing eyes and threatened her in front of the boys. "If you ever go near Nicky again I will find you and I will break every bone in your body." 

Mark leapt forward to hold Shane back. "Shane calm down, please... Jodi just go." 

"Rhaiya! Her fucking names Rhaiya! You bitch, you fucking bitch." Shane cried, falling into Nicky's arms in floods of tears. 

Jodi held back the waves ready to escape her own tear ducts and gave Nicky a sorry stare. His eyes were sad and she could tell he felt betrayed. "Nicky I'm so sorry, I didn't know... I didn't know." She began to back away out of the door, ushered by Mark so she wasn't attacked again. "Shane, please..." 

"Now isn't the time. I think you should just go." Mark calmly told her, gutted himself that he'd been working with and associating with the one person he hated most. "I don't even wanna look at you right now." 

"Mark please, you have to believe me." 

"I do... But I don't know why yet. I'll speak to you at work on Monday. Give you a chance to explain. But I suggest you stay away from Nicky. He's been out for revenge on you for a long time and now he knows you're not who you say you are... Well... I'd be careful if I were you that's all." He gently pushed her away and watched as she fled the scene leaving Shane in tatters, collapsed on the floor, holding onto Nicky tight. 

Kian was aghast by the emotional scene and didn't know what to do or say so he simply wrapped his arms around Mark and made sure he was OK too. 

*** 

The boys sat in silence for 5 minutes as they reached Shane and Nicky's house. Kian felt uncomfortable as he had no idea exactly who Rhaiya was until Mark whispered, 'the bad ex'. Even Mark didn't know the whole truth but knew it was bad news. 

Shane rubbed his face and let out a long exhale through his mouth, clearing his lungs of frustration. "I'm so sorry I slapped her like that." He hated that he'd been so careless and brutal but no one blamed him for it. Least of all Jodi. 

"Trust me it's going to take all my strength not to slap her again on Monday." Nicky responded.

"If she turns up." Mark added. 

"I don't get it... All this time... What is she playing at? How could she not know who you were Mark?" Shane looked at his friend, unconvinced she was genuine in her denial. 

"I didn't recognise her either Shane, I'm sorry. I only met her that once for like 2 minutes... When she said her name was Jodi Anasta there was no reason to doubt her." 

"She's a prolific liar!"

"But how would she know you were gay?" Nicky questioned it, hoping not to sound as if he was taking her side. "There's loads of guys called Shane in Sligo and if she didn't recognise Mark either... I'm not defending her but maybe it is just a coincidence." 

"You saved her life Nicky. You saved that woman from freezing to death..." Shane seethed. 

Nicky defended himself with his voice raised. "How was I supposed to know who she was? Anyway do you think I would have just let her die if I'd known? I wouldn't have been able to do that Shane, I'm sorry." 

"You'd have made her suffer and you know it. Only, if you did know, you wouldn't have been in there with her in the first place." Shane argued the toss. Wanting to believe Nicky would had stuck up for him. 

"OK yeah if I'd known sooner I wouldn't have let her anywhere near you, you know that but this is how it is and I can't change it. I'm sorry I didn't work it out for myself, I feel utterly ashamed and foolish."   
Kian and Mark covered their faces with their hands hoping the situation wouldn't get any worse but when Nicky stood to his feet, waving his arms around they paid full attention to his next move.   
"What do you want me to do about it Shane? I said I'm sorry."

"I don't know OK?!" He yelled, throwing his fist down on the coffee table. "I need to know why she's changed her name and if she really didn't know who you are." 

"And what if she is telling the truth? What if she is just trying to change her life and..." 

"Fuck you!" Shane jumped to his feet and pointed at Nicky. "Don't you dare defend her Nicky. She is not your friend, she did not deserve to survive that break down and she does not... She does not deserve..." Shane paused to look at Mark and Kian. He closed his eyes and just came out with it. "To get away with stabbing me, beating me and breaking me. I know that now."

Nicky swallowed the bile in his throat as he stared at Shane. "I'm sorry." 

"I'm begging you Nicky... Please don't give her a second’s doubt. She's a vindictive, poisonous, violent bitch no matter what she calls herself. I can't let her manipulate you into a sob story. Either of you." 

Mark looked up at his best friend and felt guilty for telling Jodi he'd give her the benefit of the doubt behind Shane's back but he really did believe her denial. "Shane I'm so sorry."

"You had your doubts about her to start with didn't you?! You told Nicky you thought she was shifty." 

Nicky felt more and more to blame and couldn't stop himself from being sick in his mouth. "I can't do this." He ran into the bathroom and spread the toilet with vomit as the lads listened. 

"Shane you can't blame Nicky for this. He was just trying to see the good in her." Mark defended the blonde as his own boyfriend remained quiet on the end of the sofa. 

"And they both fooled you too. She deliberately stabbed me and left me for dead Mark. She beat me repeatedly... I had to go to work with make up on my face to cover my black eyes. She... She cut me and used me, broke my finger, she cheated on me and made me watch. She's a psycho and she made me lose you!"

"You didn't lose me Shane. I know I let you down but that isn't Nicky's fault. It's mine, not hers. I was too stubborn to swallow my pride... Nicky sees the good in everyone. I know you hate her but it wasn't obvious to us she was capable of those things... Maybe she learnt from the things she did. She had a baby for a start, she had to grow up and calm down. I'm not defending what she did to you, I'd never do that, I'm just trying to make sense of it all." 

Shane punched the wall and hissed as he cracked his knuckles. "Yeah OK fine maybe she did learn when I had her sectioned but it doesn't excuse what she did and I have to live with that shame every day of my life. The shame, the scars and memories... No matter how much she changes, I will never forgive her for what she did to me... And I can't stand the thought of you or Nicky being friends with her... Nicky held her in his arms and cried over the thought of her dying. Not me lads. I'd have left her there to rot." 

"You don't know that. She's a mother Shane. You're not a bad person, you wouldn't have let her die. You'd have done exactly the same thing just for 2 hours, I know you would." 

"She tried to kill me! What part of that don't you understand?!" He yelled at his best friend, ignoring the fact Kian was right there, saying nothing. 

"So why did you let her get away with it then?!" Mark screamed reaching the end of his tether. "If you were so broken why did you let her get away with it? Answer me that."

Shane took a deep breath and glared at the brunette. "Because I loved her. She needed help not punishment."

"And she's had that help now. She's got an 8 month old baby for god sake, working already to make ends meet. You have to accept she's helping herself now. She's not the same person anymore." 

"A baby?!" Shane froze. He hadn't really paid much attention to the mother comments before now but when he took a moment to think, he worried. "An 8 month baby?!" He worked out in his head if his gut feeling could be plausible. "A son right?" 

"Yeah. Cobi. He's gorgeous." Mark smiled. 

"But... It can't be that old, he... No, she was lying, I saw the... No!" Shane's eyes watered as Nicky reappeared by the doorway with his tail between his legs. "No... I saw her tampons, I saw the calendar, I... He must have been premature that's all. A couple of months premature." 

Nicky tried to read Shane's mind and felt cold when he realised what he was saying. "Shane... Do you think Cobi..."

"No Nicky! He can't be. I told you I... He can't be. Can he?" Shane’s fearful eyes met Nicky's hoping his beauty would confirm he was being crazy. "Nicky... Tell me Cobi was premature." 

"No... She said he was a day late but that the dad wasn't interested. I just figured he was another low life running from commitment." 

When Mark did the maths he too closed his eyes in dread. "Oh god... Please tell me I've got the wrong end of the stick here but..." Shane looked at him and his face said it all. "You're joking?" 

"I don't think so... The day she stabbed me was the day I was convinced she'd lied to me about another pregnancy. She'd done it before and faked a miscarriage. I checked, things didn't make sense and I... She couldn't have been but she begged me to believe her."

Nicky held his hand on Shane's neck and turned him to look at him. "Babe, look at me... Did you have concrete evidence to prove she was lying? Is there any chance you could have been wrong?"

The more he thought about it the more he believed there could have been a mistake made. "I don't know, I... Maybe." He admitted and let tears drip into Nicky's fingers. "Does he look like me?"

Nicky could easily picture the boys smile and could now see the resemblance having not long ago been subjected to Shane's baby photos by Mae. He pursed his lips tight and closed his eyes, unable to speak. 

"Nicky please, you've seen the photos." 

"I'm so sorry." Nicky feared for their relationship as he confirmed Cobi was the spitting image of Shane. "Yeah... Yeah maybe." 

Shane's heart ached. He dropped his gaze from his man and broke away without another word. He looked over to Mark and Kian, hiding their faces again and shook his head, biting his top lip.   
'Great! Just great!'   
He turned from his friends and made his way into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. 

Nicky wiped his eyes and sniffed. "What have I done lads?" 

Mark stood to his feet and held Nicky in arms, allowing the blonde to sob on his shoulder. "I'm sorry Nicky... This isn't your fault." 

"Yeah it is! It's all my fault Mark. I'm gonna lose him... He's gonna leave me I just know it." 

"Don't be ridiculous, he's just in shock. We all are and we don't know for sure that Cobi is his son." 

"What if he is?! What then?!" 

"I don't know mate. I don't know."

***


	7. Chapter 7

Mark and Kian left the house so Nicky could try and talk to Shane alone. He didn't really know what to say and he was scared he'd only start another argument but he could see how uncomfortable Kian was and knew Shane would need some space. They agreed to talk in the morning and Nicky apologised for wrecking what should have been a cracking end to a brilliant night.   
It was still only 11:30pm on a Friday night. The boys should have been celebrating their victory on stage but instead, Shane was locked in the bathroom and Nicky was beside himself, staring at the liqueur cabinet, fighting the urge to neck the Jack Daniels in one swift glug. He gave himself 10 minutes after the boys had gone and finally plucked up the courage to knock on the door. 

"Shane, please talk to me." Nicky rested his forehead against the door and tried the handle but it wouldn't budge. "Huh, baby, please, I'm sorry." 

"Just leave me alone." Shane cried, still whimpering on the floor with his back against the bath. "It's no use... Just leave me alone." 

Nicky’s heart shattered into a thousand pieces like a crystal chandelier fallen from a high ceiling. He slid his body down to the floor and held his knees up to his face as he heard Shane cry so hard his ribs ached. The blonde let more of his own tears seep into his jeans as he blamed himself for the millionth time that night.   
"You were so proud of me when I told you how I'd helped Jodi. I was so scared and you comforted me, telling me I'd done the right thing... but you're right. If I had known maybe I wouldn't have tried so hard. It wouldn't have been murder would it?! She'd just be gone, just like that." 

Shane listened to Nicky's shaky voice as he talked about Jodi. It was weird picturing it now, knowing this Jodi girl was in fact Rhaiya and he knew the man he loved had shared his body heat with the only person on earth he despised. He was fine with it before. He was proud that his kind, considerate beauty had risked his own health for a vulnerable girl he barely knew. But now he knew it was Rhaiya he felt differently.   
Nicky liked her, he'd given her a chance and even to Shane, she'd sounded like a nice girl. But how could this friendly, bubbly girl Nicky raved about so much be the same woman that hurt him, that lied and purposely stabbed him? It made no sense to him. And how could she just let him believe she wasn't pregnant and just have his baby after rehab and never try to contact him about his son? 

"Nick just stop... I'm sorry all right? I didn't mean to blame you for this but please just shut up!" He begged, raising his voice enough to be heard. 

"Shane please open the door. We need to talk about this." 

Climbing to his feet, Shane washed his face and reapplied some gel to his hair. He was still wearing his performance outfit though soaked in emotion. He blew his nose and sprayed more after shave on his neck then opened the door, nearly stepping on Nicky's head as he fell into the gap. 

"Get up you idiot!" He grumbled as he walked straight by Nicky on the floor. He picked up his jacket from the sofa and made sure his wallet, phone and keys were in his pocket, then without a word, made his way downstairs and out the door. 

"Shane!" Nicky yelled and chased after him, leaving the door on the latch so he could get back inside. He caught up with the younger boy and jumped in front of him down the street, holding his arms out to stop him from moving forward. "Seriously?! You're just gonna walk out on me?"

"Just get out of my way Nicky!" Shane tried to side step away but the blonde had hold of his biceps now. 

"No way man. This isn't fair." 

"No it's not fair is it?! I have a son with the woman that tried to kill me that you endeavoured to save. I had everything I wanted this morning... My life was complete and now it's all broken at my ankles." 

"Why?! You haven't lost anything." 

"Really?! Everything is magically going to be OK in the morning is it?" Shane argued on the street like a drunken couple yet they were both sober and very cold in the late January night air. "Just leave me alone. I can't deal with this right now." He shoved Nicky's hands off him and continued down the street towards town. 

Nicky stood watching and didn't know what to do so he pulled his mobile out and tried to call Jodi but she didn't answer so he left a message. "You better turn up to work on Monday bitch. We need a serious conversation and if you haven't got a fucking good excuse for this... Next time there'll be no one to hear you scream for help!" 

***

Sat in 5th on Teeling, Mark and Kian tried to forget the negative vibe surrounding them but it was hard to escape. Mark was so worried about Shane he couldn't change the subject. Kian tried to talk him down and warn him not to jump down Jodi's throat but when he suddenly remembered that look she'd given him in Dublin, he wanted to punch her too. 

"I can't believe he slapped her though." Mark sighed. "I can only imagine it was well deserved." 

Kian agreed but was concerned too. "I don't blame him Marky but he can't let it happen again." 

"He won't need to. Nicky and I will be having some strong words with her on Monday. We need to find out what's really going on before Shane loses the plot." 

2 seconds later Shane appeared at the bar and ordered a shot of absinthe with his pint of Guinness. He was alone but distracted and Kian was the first to notice his presence. He nudged Mark and cocked his head in Shane's direction but instead of jumping to his side, Mark waited to see what his best friend intended to do. 

"Cheers man!" He thanked the barman and necked the shot in one and then chugged on his pint until the glass was half empty. Gasping for air, he was approached by a stranger. 

Mark watched with eager eyes as the man asked to shake Shane's hand but it turned out to be an innocent act as they'd seen the boys perform earlier on and the drunk man wanted to pay him a compliment. When the stranger turned round and saw the other half of the band, he blew their cover as Shane heard him congratulated them in turn. Mark rolled his eyes but politely thanked him for their support.   
Shane wanted to run away again. He didn't want to face a bombardment of questions but Kian jumped to his side and gave him a hug. 

"Are you alone? Where's Nicky?"

"I don't know. At home?" Mark joined the boys and asked what had happened.   
"Nothing. I just needed some space and a drink. I'm not gonna let her crush the memory of this night." 

"And Nicky can't be a part of that?! This isn't his fault Shane. Tell me you didn't just walk out on him." When Mark didn't get an answer he grabbed Shane's arm and dragged him out of the pub. 

"Whoa, Mark, what are you doing man? Get off me." He protested but with Kian in tow Mark refused to release his grasp and carried on heading towards home. "OK, I get the picture, let go!" 

Mark stopped dead in the middle of the street and pointed his finger in Shane's face. "You need to get your priorities straight. Jodi is a vindictive bitch and we're both sorry we didn't know better but you cannot shut Nicky out over this."

"I'm not, I just..."

"I don't wanna hear your bullshit." 

Nicky stripped down to his boxers and stepped into his joggers. Assuming Shane was out for the foreseeable hours, he grabbed himself a beer and curled up on the sofa under a blanket. Hearing the front door unlock, Nicky sighed and braced himself but when he heard more voices he turned the TV off and waited. 

Mark shoved Shane into the lounge towards Nicky and made his own way to the kitchen with Kian to help themselves to a whiskey. 

"That was quick!" The blonde muttered, refusing to look Shane in the eye. "I won't disturb you... I'm going to bed." 

"Nicky, no... I'm sorry." Shane huffed, trying to block his path but Nicky wasn't in the mood to argue anymore. "Babe, please just hear me out." 

"You know what? No! You have every right to be upset with me but don't ever ignore me and walk out on me like that again. That wasn't fair! I can't keep apologising for this Shane. I'm done!" He held his hands up in mercy and went to bed, closing the bedroom door behind him. 

"Fuck... Nice try dick head, now what?!" Shane cursed Mark as he took the bottle of JD in his hand and drowned his sorrows.   
***

Shane had told the lads to go home so he could mull over the revelations. Too scared to face Nicky, he stayed up all night swigging the whiskey neat from the bottle until he eventually fell asleep on the sofa. Nicky wasn’t ready to talk to Shane again right away so he grabbed what he needed and snuck out of the house Saturday morning. He refused to contact him while he went to visit his sister and failed to return home until Sunday.   
Shane was desperate to hold Nicky in his arms and apologise. He’d had time to think and rationalise and couldn’t blame his man any longer. After the blonde had plucked up the courage to go home from his parent’s Sunday lunch, he made his way up the stairs to find Shane curled up on the sofa watching Friends on TV. He stopped by the door and stared at the brunette wearing PJ bottoms, an old T-shirt and had flat bed head. Nicky had never seen him so down and depressed and hated being the reason for his tears.

“Hi.” Nicky said, looking at the floor. “Sorry I didn’t come home last night. I thought you might need some space.”

“From you?”

“I’m so sorry… I let you down when you needed me and…”

“It’s not your fault Nico. Please don’t believe what I said. I was just in shock and I didn’t handle it very well but I’ve had time to think and I’m OK now… do you forgive me?”

“There’s nothing to forgive.” He smiled. 

“I need to see her and talk to her. I need to know the truth. I wanna come to work with you in the morning and speak to her.”

“Wow, are you sure that’s wise? Can you be in the same room as her and not slap her again?" 

"She's not going to physically hurt me again, I know that. I understand you know her as Jodi and trusted her so I'm not scared to be close to her anymore. Not with other people around at least. I just need to know the truth... I know it's not going to be easy but I know if I have you and Mark on my side, I can get through this and hopefully see my son." 

"OK... What if it turns out Cobi isn't yours?"

"You find a way to drive her out of her job and we can move on and forget about her... If he is my boy then... Then I'm gonna need a lot of support." Shane explained as Nicky stood just inside the doorway. 

"And us?" 

"We're fine. I won't let her break us." Shane lifted his head and smiled at Nicky. He hoped his words were believed even though he couldn't bring himself to welcome his man home with a cuddle. He was still hurting and although he didn't blame Nicky anymore, he couldn't get the image out his head of the blonde snuggled close to Rhaiya, not Jodi, in the lift and it was driving him insane.

***

Going unnoticed in his suit, Shane tailed Mark and Nicky as they made their way to the blonde’s office bright and early Monday. There was no guarantee Jodi would arrive but Shane was in no fit state to manage his own business until they'd sorted it out.   
Nicky quickly got through his morning routine and warned a couple of people he had an important meeting and shouldn't be disturbed. Mark sat on the office chair opposite Nicky while Shane made himself comfy in the corner. When Nicky admitted he'd left a threatening voicemail for Jodi on Friday night, the frustration was written all over his boyfriend’s face. 

"And that's going to encourage her to work is it?" Shane tutted and shook his head at Nicky. "Idiot."

"Hey at least I'm on your side. Just because I'm not the one that smacked her round the face..." Nicky started to fight back as the offending party entered the office with little confidence. "Hi." He stopped to greet her, noticing the clear bruise on her cheek caused by Shane's forceful hand. 

Jodi looked around the room to see she was being ambushed but she stood strong and faked a smile at everyone. "Morning... Shane..."

"I think we need to talk don't you?" 

"Listen I..."

Shane stood to his feet and stepped towards her, causing concern for Mark who kept his wits about him, ready to break Shane away if he got too close. 

"No, first you listen... I don't believe a word that comes from your mouth. You're a lying, scheming, cheating, awful person and I will never forgive you for what you put me through. But two of the most important people in life took a chance on you and proved you were nothing like the girl I know and that is the only reason I'm here right now, willing to give you the opportunity to explain what the hell is going on... Yes I'm gay now and yes I love Nicky for the way he saved a life but I'm not happy to say it was yours and I don't care how harsh that sounds... It's thanks to me that you're not rotting in a prison cell so I need you to prove to me that having you admitted instead was the right thing to do... So you better have a good reason for me breathing the same air as you again." 

Jodi nodded and respected Shane's speech. She took a deep breath and asked if she may be seated. "Shane I'm so sorry... The way I treated you was... There’s no words... I was in a bad place and the thought of losing you drove me literally crazy. I loved you so much."

"I get that you were depressed but I did everything I could to support you. I understood your frustrations and I did everything in my power to prove how much I loved you but you threw it back in my face."

"I know and I regret every moment, every time I hurt you... I wasn't thinking straight and when you didn't believe I was pregnant I saw red. You'd already given up on me and I freaked out. When I stabbed you... I was petrified of myself. I went to the police station to hand myself in and beg for help but my mum called me and I chickened out."

"Where did you go?"

"To the Nomad Trust. I got a bed for the night and by morning my doctor called me asking me to go in for my test results. That's when he sectioned me and I willingly accepted. They admitted me to Dublin's St Patrick hospital and that's where I stayed for 6 months... I never left the grounds."

"Aoife told me that's where you ended up." Shane hung his head as Nicky and Mark listened, refusing to make a sound. 

"They found me accommodation when I left. They had to because by then I was 7 months pregnant. I had Cobi and made my way back to Sligo when the landlord kicked me out. I've been at my mum's ever since." 

"So why the name change?"

"I was scared... I wanted a fresh start and I didn't want you to find me." 

"But Cobi... He's mine right?" Shane needed to know even though he knew it'd kill Nicky. "He's my son?"

Jodi nodded and covered her face unable to control her tears. "I'm so sorry Shane." 

Nicky puffed, raised his eye brows and gazed at Shane's reaction. He wanted to wrap his arms around his boyfriend and tell him everything was going to be OK but he wasn't confident of that. 

"Right..." Shane took his turn to nod and checked out the lads reactions to the confirmation. "Great!" He tried to sound enthusiastic instead of annoyed. "So tell me you never had any inkling who Nicky or Mark were. You met Mark! It's because of you he stopped being friends with me." 

"It was once Shane... You know I have a terrible memory. And I had no reason to think it was you going out with Nicky. Why would I?! You've never looked at a guy in your life and I've never tried to look for you on Facebook to see any photos." Jodi wiped her tears and smiled at the blonde beauty her ex was now in love with. "Nicky is an absolute sweetheart. He's so lucky to have you Shane and I'd never try to jeopardize that. He saved my life." 

"So you're seriously telling me you had no idea I would be at the gig on Friday?"

"Of course not. I changed my name and kept Cobi from you, why would I go near you and risk you changing your mind about reporting me to the police? I'm doing everything I can to make a better life for us. I'm genuinely sorry for what I did and I've paid my dues now... I didn't want you to ever find out about Cobi."

"Why?! He’s my son. I'm not the bad guy here." 

"I know, I'm sorry... But you didn't love me anymore and I'd hurt you so badly it was best I kept my distance." Jodi pulled her phone from her handbag and brought up her gallery. She leaned over to pass Shane the device. "See for yourself." 

Shane looked at Nicky and Mark for support before he took notice of the photo on the screen. His heart skipped a beat as he saw the new born baby in his exhausted mummy's arms. 'Wow... I'm a daddy!' Jodi told him to swipe right and the room fell silent as Shane studied every picture of his beautiful little boy. 'He looks just like me.' when he reached the videos of Cobi interacting, his bottom lip quivered and a tear slithered down his cheek. Everyone could hear the baby’s gurgles and giggles as Shane's heart broke. 

"He's the spit of you isn't he?!" Jodi smiled at the boy’s dad. "He reminds me of you every day." 

"He's perfect." Shane sniffed and wiped his face on his cuff before handing the phone back. "So what happens now?"

"I guess it depends on you guys." 

Nicky held his hands up refusing to get involved. "Don't look at me. I can't fire you for this."

Mark broke his silence and sighed. "You two need to talk about this in private." 

"No..." Shane snapped right away. He was still scared to be alone with Jodi even though a part of him did believe she'd changed for the better. "I need time... Rhaiya... Jodi... I'm glad you're trying to move on and be honest but this is too much. Everything has changed. I love Nicky and I need him."

"This doesn't change that. I know how much Nicky loves you and I'm so glad you're happy, I have no intention of coming between you guys. I'm over you I swear, I just love our little boy and thank God that something so amazing came out of a bad situation. I'm not asking for forgiveness Shane, I'm not even asking for you to be a part of Cobi's life, I just need you to believe I'm sorry and thankful that you're OK and didn't send me to jail... Nicky and Mark have made me feel so blessed to work here and give me a chance to prove I'm not a bad person anymore. I thought I'd found a friend in Nicky but I'm prepared to quit my job and delete Nicky from my contacts if that's what you want." 

Nicky felt guilty but still hated the fact he'd been friends with someone that he wanted to hurt too. He couldn't imagine how it was possible to go back to how it was now. Shane was his priority and his happiness was most important.   
"I'm sorry but I can't be friends with you anymore." Shane's eyes shot up to Nicky, surprised and pleased his boyfriend was taking his side. "I can't be friends with someone that’s caused so much pain to someone I love." 

"That's fair, I understand." Jodi was gutted she had to step back but gave Shane the respect he deserved. "I can be professional and let's face it, I could be posted somewhere else any time anyway." 

Shane held his head in his hands and tapped his feet for a minute before jumping up. "Look, Rhaiya... I'm not asking you to quit your job or start being ignorant to my boyfriend. I hate the idea of you being anywhere near him, me or Mark but they're big enough to take care of themselves and if they believe you've changed then fine! You've explained yourself and I think I believe you but I need time to get my head around this." 

"I know that, I'm not asking for..."

"Just promise me this... Never touch me or Nicky again. You don't try to hug us or show any sign of affection to either of us. You stay out of our business. You don't ask about our relationship, our lives, anything about me or my family and you concentrate on earning money to provide for Cobi. If you get posted somewhere else you don't keep in contact with Nicky or Mark and you don't talk about me to them or anyone else." Shane laid down some ground rules so she knew where she stood. "You don't show the lads any more photos of my son and you wait."

"Wait for what?"

"To hear from my lawyer." He told her. Nicky and Mark looked at each other unsure what to think. "I want a DNA test to prove 100% I'm Cobi's father which I'll pay for and until then you get nothing from me. You don't try to call me for anything." 

"I wouldn't, I..." 

"You really are a horrible excuse of a woman and I absolutely loathe you but I'm man enough to accept you've done everything you can to move on in the best interests of that boy. As long as we're clear here, I won't cause you any grief." 

"OK, yeah of course." Jodi smiled. "But what about when the test proves you are his father? Do you want to be in his life?"

Shane chuckled. "In his life?!" He repeated. "Ah man... Try and stop me." He threatened her again as he grinned causing concern. "Oh and the only thing I should be sorry for is hitting you. But one, it was well over due, two, it was less than you deserve and three... Ha-ha, well you're god damned lucky it was only me that did it." He picked up his jacket and stared at his evil ex, finally feeling some form of closure even though there was a long way to go. "See you again... Jodi!" He whispered in her ear and walked out of the room without saying goodbye to the boys. 

Jodi remained seated and held back tears in front of Mark as Nicky chased after Shane passing the busy work force. 

"Oi, wait up!" Nicky called and stopped his man in the hallway. "Are you OK?"

"Yeah man. I need to get to work though so say bye to Mark for me won't ya? I'll pick you up from work later." Shane was suddenly calm and collected as if nothing had happened. He leaned in to kiss Nicky on the cheek but the blonde was stunned. "Are you OK?"

"Yeah I'm fine but... Why are you so calm? I don't get it." 

Shane placed his hand on his man's neck and kissed him on the lips for anyone to see. "Nicky... I have you, I have a great job and... Now I can close the door on Rhaiya. I'm happy." 

"What do you mean? What about Cobi?"

"All in good time babe. By the time I've finished, Jodi won’t be on our radar." He gave the blonde a passionate kiss when no one was looking and rubbed his hands down Nicky's arms. "I love you so much." 

"I love you too... I'm just worried about you." 

"Don't... I'm so sorry for pushing you away, I know I was being stubborn and a coward. None of this is your fault OK. I love you and I am never, ever going to give up on you." 

A ridiculously cute smile graced Nicky's face as he wrapped his arms around Shane's neck and hugged him. "I'll never hurt you Shay. I promise." 

"Only you can Nico... You could do everything she did and I'd still love you more... I'd prefer you only abused me in the bedroom but if you ever need to use me as a punch bag, I'm here for you." He joked. 

Nicky giggled and replied in the brunette’s ear. "Well I like the bedroom permission but I much prefer making love to you, not causing you pain." 

"Good because we're overdue a night in bed together and we still need to celebrate the success of creating the best band in Sligo." 

"Ha-ha we do." The older boy stroked Shane's hair and slid his other hand down his back to squeeze his bum. "And I intend to make you scream as loud as those girls did on Friday night. Only this time the noise will be just for me." 

As the boys held each other in full view, Jodi stopped far enough away on her way to the ladies toilet. She watched how happy and close they were and she frowned. She'd come to terms with losing Shane a long time ago but imagining him with another woman killed her inside. Seeing her son's dad, sharing her saviour’s body heat instead of her made her happy. She adored Nicky and knew just how loved up he was so finally seeing him cause Shane to laugh made her feel warm inside. She was genuinely happy for them both and had no intentions of trying to come between them again.  
***


	8. Chapter 8

Shane had taken an early dart from work. He found it too difficult to concentrate so he claimed to have a meeting and left his assistant to close as he had opened. He didn't want to have to explain the score to his mum just yet so he focused his thought on Nicky. It'd been a tough few weeks and the last thing he wanted was to strain his relationship with the best man in his life. He shot home to ensure the house was clean and tidy and prepared a fancy meal before picking up his beauty from work. 

"Cheers Mark, see you tomorrow." Nicky waved before climbing into Shane's car. "Hey gorgeous." He leaned in to give the brunette a kiss. "How come you're not in your suit?" 

"I called it a day early. How was Rhaiya when I left?" He rolled his eyes at himself, "Jodi, whatever."

"She just apologised and got to work. She barely spoke all day." 

"Oh... Good. So anyway, I..."

"Shane... Talk to me." Nicky interrupted, knowing he wouldn't mention the morning first. "I need to know how you're feeling about all this." 

"Nick there's nothing to talk about. Jodi is nothing to me now and she's no more than a supply assistant to you, right?"

"Of course but you know it's deeper than that. What did you mean when you said she won't be on our radar?" 

Shane didn't answer until he parked up outside the house. He turned to face Nicky and held his cheek before kissing him. "I don't care about Jodi and I do not want to even talk about her. She has her own life now and it's nothing to do with us. The only thing I need to worry about now is making you the happiest man on the planet." 

"I am... But what about Cobi?"

"Nicky, trust me. Our son is going to be rid of her before he can even say Mammy." He kissed Nicky again, making it deep as his tongue explored the blonde’s mouth. "Our son is going to be the cherry on the cake. Just leave it to me." 

'Our son?! What does he mean 'our son'?! Cobi is Shane's son not mine. What is he playing at?'   
"I trust you babe." Nicky left a peck on Shane's cheek before he climbed out the car but his brain was working overtime, confused by what Shane meant and worried about what he was planning. To Nicky it sounded like his boyfriend had every intention of separating his son from his mother but the spiteful act wasn't Shane's style, was it?

'Hold your tongue Nicky... He's not a bad guy, he'll do the right thing.' 

The boys forgot all about Jodi and the surprises of the weekend. They enjoyed the top nosh Shane had cooked and ended the night with alone time in the bedroom. It was exactly what they needed to unwind and a good night sleep helped them feel ready to take on the rest of the week.   
***

When Mark wasn't joined by Nicky on Wednesday afternoon he tried to call his assistant to ask what the craic was. 'Come on Nicky, answer your bloody phone.' he sighed when he got no reply and decided to take a walk upstairs to search for him. They'd not shared lunch together and Mark realised he'd not spoke to the blonde all day. 

"Have you seen Nicky?" He asked one of the girls.

"Not since about 12, before lunch. I thought he worked with you in the afternoon."

"Yeah so did I. Is Jodi around?"

"No she's disappeared too." 

Mark panicked. 'What's wrong with her?! Where's Nicky? Oh god.'   
"OK thanks Leanne." He rushed off back to his own floor and tried to call Shane from his mobile but got no answer from him either. 'Oh my god someone pick up!' 

"Answer your fucking phone!" Mark yelled, gaining the attention of his staff as he entered the room. When he realised he wasn't alone he hung his head and ran into his office, closing the door behind him. His breathing became faster and his hands were tingling. He felt faint and sweaty as he shuffled over to his chair but even sitting down didn't prevent his head from feeling fuzzy. He began hyperventilating and was losing control of his hands as his numb fingers curled into fists.   
'What the hell is happening to me? I'm gonna faint.' As Mark felt his throat closing up and his vision blurring he fell to the floor and tilted his head back against the wall. His body was shaking uncontrollably and he couldn't shout for help. As he began to cry Nicky opened the door and gasped. 

"Mark!" Nicky sprung to the boss’s side and squatted down to his level. "Mark what's wrong?" 

"I dunno... Help me." Mark cried, his hands now completely clammed shut being held up against his chest. 

"Mark I need you to take a deep breath for me OK? You're having a panic attack. Come on, look at me and breathe in... And out... That's it, in... And out. Carry on for me." Nicky knew all too well what it felt like to have one of these episodes and he remembered the fear he felt when he suffered his first. He assumed by Mark’s reaction to it that he'd never suffered before so the older boy did his best to bring his friend down from it. He grabbed the bottle of water out of his bag and held it ready to offer Mark.   
"That's it Mark, keep going, just breathe in... And out... Good, it's going to be OK mate I promise. Just close your eyes, keep concentrating on your breathing for a minute and imagine... I dunno, Kian giving you a massage or something." 

"You must be joking... That'd... That'd make it... It worse." He stuttered between inhaling as much air back into his lungs as possible. After another minute or 2 he finally had his breathing back to normal but his body was riddled with pins and needles. "Thank you." 

"Here, drink some water." He opened the bottle and carefully guided the bottle into Mark’s mouth for him to sip. "Feeling better?" 

"Yeah, thanks. Just weak, achy and tingly. What's happening to me doctor?" He tried to make a joke as he was more than jubilant that Nicky had come to his rescue. 

"Panic attack mate. Imagine that in the lift and you'll understand a fraction of what I went through... In fact, don't imagine it, you'll feel worse." He laughed. "What the hell brought this on?"

"I don't know... Well maybe I do but I've never suffered an anxiety attack before so I'm not sure. Where the hell were you?"

"Sorry I went out to see Shane at lunch and we... Lost track of time." He sheepishly replied, trying to hide his cheeky grin. 

"Charming. So where's Jodi?"

"I think she went home. Cobi's a bit poorly. Why?"

"I just wondered where you were. You didn't answer the phone so I went to look for you and Leanne said Jodi had disappeared too and then Shane wouldn't answer so... I panicked." 

"I don't understand. Why would you...?"

"Because I was scared you were in trouble again. The 3 of you were missing, you didn't answer your phones and after Monday, what was I supposed to think?"

"Christ... you're more stressed about all this than we are! I'm so sorry we dragged you into this." 

Mark managed to pull himself up to his feet and sit on the chair. "I don't care about Jodi, I care about you." 

"Aww Marky you're so sweet." Nicky laughed and ruffled his boss’s hair.

"Oh that's it, make fun like you usually do. Dickhead." Mark smirked. "I'm serious Nicky, I was genuinely worried about you and not in a professional volume. You're one of my best friends and I thought something bad had happened." 

"Sorry... No I am sorry, I didn't realise how close you were to the situation. I guess I just forgot cos it was all at work, it'd affect you personally... How are you feeling now?"

"Better, thanks. I'm glad you turned up when you did." Mark stretched his arms out in front of him and wiggled his fingers back to life. "Quite the hero aren't you?!" He winked.

"Ha-ha, looks that way." 

"Can you not tell Shane about this please? I don't want him to worry. He's got enough on his plate without worrying about what I think... How's he doing anyway?"

"I won't say anything this time but if it happens again, talk to us. You're my best friend after Shane too and now also my band mate, not to forget boss... So now I'm extra worried about you." Nicky took a seat behind his desk and turned on his screen. "Shane's being weirdly cool about everything. Since he left the office Monday he's been in a happy clappy mood all week. He left work early to plan a special meal at home and we... Had an amazing night in bed. He said some weird shit about Cobi and Rhaiya, Jodi, then brushed it under the carpet and now he can't keep his hands off me." 

"Who knows what's going on in his head. It must be a shock, it is kinda fucked up. Does he even want kids?" 

"He said he was gutted when he thought she'd lost the first one she lied about in the first place. He'd be an amazing dad."

"What about you? How do you feel about it?"

Nicky shrugged. "I always imagined I'd be a dad one day until I met Shane and figured it probably wouldn't happen for us. But I fell in love with Cobi as soon as she showed me his picture... So I'm kinda glad he's Shane's. Is that a normal response? Shouldn't I be angry?"

"If you were a selfish prick then maybe but you're not. It doesn't matter how you think you should feel. If you're happy for him then that's great. It sounds like he wants contact." 

"That's what I'm worried about. Not that he wants to see his own son or that it means Rhaiya's in his life but the way he said some things... I don't know what he's thinking or planning and I'm scared he's going to do something stupid." 

"You see Jodi in a different light now don't ya?! You've called her Rhaiya twice now."

"Yeah well Jodi was someone I cared about and respected. But we now know who she really is and you know as well as me, she can never be just Jodi again."   
***

Jodi cradled Cobi in her arms, softly swinging him side to side in an attempt to calm his crying. He'd been screaming for 3 hours non-stop and no matter how hard she tried he wouldn't settle. He'd had a temperature when she arrived home but after a feed, he'd relaxed and managed a nap for half an hour but now she was tearing her hair out.   
They were alone and Jodi was desperate for a coffee and a wee but every time she tried to put Cobi down, his tiny lungs projected his discomfort louder and the piercing screams reduced her to tears of her own.

"Seriously Baba what do you want me to do?! Mammy doesn't know how to help you... I know baby, I know it’s horrible isn't it?" She placed a kiss on his soft dark hair and wiped away her tears from his forehead. "Please stop crying Cobi, please... I can't take this anymore." 

For another 10 minutes Jodi continued to sooth her boy’s pain but nothing worked. In the end she tucked him down into his cot and backed away. 

"Breathe Jodi, breathe." She told herself, stepping closer towards the bathroom but with every step, Cobi got louder and louder. "Stop!" She screamed. "Stop crying, for god sake, stop crying." 

She snapped and ran to the toilet, closing the door behind her to drown out the whales and ear shattering screams. She dramatically broke down, swiping the shelf in frustration, sending all her toiletries into the bath with an almighty crash. Letting out a murderous shriek, the struggling mum dug her nails into her scalp and ripped strands of hair from her head.   
'Stop... Please stop.' she collapsed on the floor and coughed away the sourness in her throat, pleading for silence. There was specks of blood on her nails from her self-injury and mascara trails down her cheeks as she curled up in a ball and held her tender ribs. 

***

On Friday morning, Leanne knocked on Nicky and Mark’s office door. It was 10:30am and there'd been no sign of Jodi yet. She'd managed to do her half day shift on Thursday but hadn't called in sick that day. The young girl asked Nicky if he'd heard from her but he hadn't. He wasn't even aware she'd been a no show. Mark could see the lack of concern on the blonde’s face but told Leanne they'd check up on her. 

"Are you gonna call her?" Mark asked.

"Nope!" Nicky’s carefree tone told him. "I'm busy and it's not my job today. Plus I deleted her number from my mobile so I'd have to go up to my office." 

"Nicky she's your team's supervisor, you can't just disregard her when you feel like it." 

"I'm not her boss Mark, it's not my problem. If she's not at work then fine, I don't care. She was in yesterday cos I saw her in the corridor." Nicky sat typing on his keyboard as Mark stared at him. 

"Nicky!" Mark raised his voice. "As your boss I'm telling you to deal with this." 

"Fuck off, no!" The blonde refused which wound Mark up even more. 

"Don't tell me to fuck off..." He argued. "Get your head out your arse and call her. It's your responsibility to chase absence." 

"What?! I'm working here today, I don't..."

"Stop being so pedantic and just do it please. I'm telling you, not asking you." Mark scoffed, frustrated by Nicky's stubbornness. He'd never been that assertive with him before but he disliked the way he was letting his personal feelings get in the way of his moral obligations in the work place. 

Nicky slammed his mouse down on the desk and stood to his feet in a huff. "Fine!" He hissed.

"Fine!" Mark repeated and avoided eye contact as the blonde stormed out the office. "Christ!" He shook his head and got back to his job in hand. 

Nicky marched straight into his room and found his contacts. He rang Jodi and when she didn't answer her he left a voicemail. "Hi it's Nicky, let me know where the hell you are or at least bother to call reception with your excuse. I haven't got time or the desire to chase you when I'm not in the office today. Bye." He hung up the phone and kicked his chair, annoyed with himself for being rude and unprofessional. 

Leanne gave him a look of disgust as she'd heard him and wondered why he'd got such an attitude. She asked if he was OK on his way out but he politely smiled with a nod and said nothing. 

***

Shane held his own phone between his cheek and shoulder as he finished filing some papers in his office. "Ha-ha really? What's up his nose? He was fine this morning... Is he really that bad? I wasn't expecting him to be a dick to her... Yeah me too, I want to enjoy tonight. I think What About Now will go down a storm... Yes, I'm picking them up on my lunch in a minute, you want the black one yeah? And Kian wants the green one... Cool man, we'll look great... Nicky will suit the blue jacket I reckon so I'll take the grey one... It's fine, I want us to look good. Buy me a pint afterwards... Money isn't an issue Mark, forget about it... Oh OK I'll leave you to it then, tell him I said hi... Cheer bro, bye." 

"Another gig tonight?" Paige asked, placing a coffee down on Shane's coaster. 

"Thanks, Yeah you should come along."

"I might do." The young girl grinned at her boss, imagining him on stage singing to her. "Are you good?"

"Ha-ha of course. What music are you into?"

"You!" She quickly replied then realised what she'd said. "I mean, the music you do." She chuckled. "So do you have a photo of the band together?" 

"Yeah right here." Shane pulled out his phone and showed Paige a few pictures they'd posed for, for promotional purposes. 

"Wow... You boys look incredible. Who's who?" She asked, standing beside his chair so he could point out the crew. 

"Well that's me obviously... That's my best friend Mark and his boyfriend Kian and that cutie is Nicky." He didn't even realised he hadn't referred to Nicky has his boyfriend so Paige's eyes lit up. 

"I'll be there!" She smiled, taking another look at the Smash Hits style photos. "Can't wait." 

"Great. Bring friends, it'll be grand. We're opening again tonight with 6 tracks then we're done. No encore this week." 

Paige nodded and squealed with excitement at the prospect of spending some social time with her drop dead gorgeous boss. Shane laughed at her, picked up his cuppa and told her he was off on his lunch. He nipped in to see his mum on the way passed to drink his brew then rushed off into town to pick up the 4 matching leather jackets he wanted the boys to wear on stage that night. 

***


	9. Chapter 9

Stages was filling up with punters thick and fast as the gig was due to start in 15 minutes. The lads were backstage in the dressing room gearing themselves up and warming up their voices. Their opening number was a cover of Billy Joel's Uptown Girl to get the crowd going, followed by Never Can Say Goodbye before they did their obligatory welcome speech to introduce themselves. They'd got two originals to try, What About Now to end on and another current chart topping cover in-between. 

"You look shit hot in that jacket Filan. The girls will be creaming themselves tonight." Nicky teased his man, admiring his new style. "I think I have a new boyband crush." 

"Ha-ha you're an idiot." Shane pushed the blonde’s shoulder which started a play fight that scruffed up Nicky's hair do. 

"Not the hair, not the hair!" 

"Oh no, not the hair Nicky, we don't have another half an hour for you to get it right again." The brunette mocked his vain boyfriend before wrapping his arms around his waist and kissing his neck. "Mmm you smell so good tonight."

Kian rolled his eyes at the boys, clearly still in the honeymoon period of their relationship. Mark ignored them and kissed his man's cheek instead. He grumbled about work behind Nicky's back and Kian sighed hoping their tiff didn't affect the performance. 

"It's the aftershave you bought me last week. You don't smell amazing, what's your excuse?" Nicky joked knowing Shane wouldn't take offence because his natural scent was arousing enough even though the hunk had sprayed himself. 

"Do you want a thick ear?" 

"Only if it's a result of you biting it." Nicky nibbled on Shane's lobe, turning him on. He whispered into his ear and pressed his groin against Shane's thigh. "You can bite me all over later if you want." 

"Nicky stop, please. I can't go out there was a hard-on." 

"Why not? The crowd would go wild." He laughed, refusing to put Shane down. 

Mark was getting nervous and the lads fooling around wasn't helping matters. "Nicky for god sake, leave him alone." He complained. 

"Ooh, check you out today, Mr Bossy-Boots!" Nicky replied making Shane chuckle. "We're not a work now, we're equal here so don't tell me what to do." 

Before Mark could argue the toss John entered the room and warned them there was a bigger crowd than last week. He was excited about the turn out and bigged the band up. It was going to be a fantastic night.   
***

The 30 minute show pleased everyone, especially Paige who'd brought her best friend Sasha along to the front of the stage to dance and sway. She was fixated on her boss’s every move and fantasised about kissing him backstage. She was 27 years old, so a little old for crushes on singers but she already knew Shane and his talent only made her fancy him more. After she'd watched them run backstage to cool off she fan-girled into Sasha's arms and proudly announced she worked with him every day as they stood at the bar to be served.

"He's so gorgeous Sash and his voice... Ugh, god. Don't you just wanna nibble his bottom lip and run your hands through his hair?" 

Raising her eyebrows and smirking at the girls, Jodi butted into their conversation. "He doesn't like his lip being bit." 

Paige looked totally confused at the other woman. "And you know how?! You're not his girlfriend are you?" 

"I used to be." She nodded. "And you're right. He is gorgeous." 

"You went out with him?! You lucky cow!" Paige giggled and decided she'd learn more about him quicker if she befriended his ex. "Is he a good kisser?" 

Jodi hated to gossip but she couldn't be picky when it came to making friends so she didn't see how it'd hurt to tease the girl who clearly didn't know Shane was gay now. "Ah, he's the best!" 

"Ooh... Is he good in bed?" Paige dared to ask, already tipsy from her fishbowl pitcher. 

But Jodi couldn't remember the real answer. She could only remember a few times they'd had full intercourse as all the bad memories clouded the happy ones. "Well he's great with his tongue." 

Paige's eyes rolled into the back of her head as she imagined a steamy office shag. "Ahh you're so lucky... I'm Paige by the way, Shane's my boss."

"Hi, I'm Jodi. Shane's ex." 

All the boys hugged each other as they agreed it has been a great show. Nicky apologised to Mark, shaking his hand and they prepared to enter the bar, expecting to be collared for photos again. 

"I'm sure Paige is eagerly waiting. She looks drunk already." Shane grinned, having seen the girl enjoy herself in front of him. "Let's go... Woo!"   
Shane took the lead out into the audience and Paige spotted him right away. Throwing her drunken arms around his waist within seconds for a selfie. She pouted her lips and then kissed his cheek, embarrassing herself.   
"Ha-ha, easy tiger." He laughed but then posed for another photo and returned the favour by giving her a peck on her make up covered face. "There you go." He winked. "Just don't show them to anyone at work." 

Nicky found the girly hysteria hilarious and didn't begrudge Shane of the female attention.

"Sasha take a picture of me with all of them." She said, putting her arms around Shane and Kian's back as she stood in the middle of the boys. "My claim to fame before they’re even in the charts... Oh, hey, you need one too, you've already sailed this boat." Paige reached over to catch Jodi's attention but when she turned to come face to face with the lads, she hadn't realised they were there as she'd been so engrossed in her mobile. 

Mark slapped his hands on his face in dread and Kian tutted. Nicky’s face dropped as he saw her friend was Jodi. He couldn't believe she'd had the audacity to turn up for the gig after being warned off them and failing to attend work the same day. Shane remained straight faced as he stared her out. 

"Sorry boys... Paige and I were just talking at the bar... I wasn't going to..."

"It's fine." Shane broke their silence trying to remain calm and professional. 'It’s just Jodi, it's not Rhaiya' he told himself. "Did you see the show this time?"

"Yeah you were amazing. All of you were." She forced a smile. "I'll get out your hair. It was nice to meet you Paige." Jodi slid off her stool and prepared to walk away but Nicky was having none of it. 

"Hey, don't ignore me! Where were you today?" 

"Nicky, I'm so sorry I was..." She looked at Shane and Paige as she paused. "I had a family emergency and couldn't answer from the hospital. But everything's fine, I'll be back on Monday." 

"Do you work with him?" Paige beamed, excited to find out her new friend knew more than just what Shane was like in bed. "This is so cool."

"Erm, yeah I do." Jodi smiled at her. "Anyway, I don't wanna ruin your night again so I'll go." 

Mark stared at the floor feeling uncomfortable, waiting for Shane or Nicky to pipe up and permit her to stay and enjoy herself. Then Shane did.   
"No, it's fine. Thank you for coming. Stay and have fun. Who are we to stamp on your night?!" 

Jodi was stunned to hear Shane's words but chose not to comment and accepted his invitation to stay. Nicky shot a look of disbelief Shane's way and sniggered.   
"I need a drink!" The blonde stated and moved over to the bar alone until Kian followed him. 

"Have a good night sweetheart." Shane leaned in to give Paige another kiss on the cheek and joined the lads at the bar leaving just Mark with Jodi and the girls. 

"It wasn't my intention to be seen Mark." 

"I believe you. Thousands wouldn't." 

"You mean those two wouldn't. Anyway I just wanted to see what the fuss was about. You were fantastic, congratulations." 

Mark faked a smile at the girls and nodded at Jodi before saying thanks and walking away. 

Paige gave Jodi a confused glare and asked what the problem was. "I've been working with Nicky and Mark for months but I had no idea they were best friends with Shane. It's just a conflict of interest that's all. We'll be fine." 

"Oh well, Shane's a decent guy, he doesn't mind surely?" 

"Yeah he's decent." She repeated, staring over at the lads waiting by the bar. "He's perfect."

"You're telling me?!" The younger girl giggled, dragging Jodi onto the dance floor for a boogie to the next band's party tunes. 

Nicky stood tapping his fingers on the bar waiting for the barman to pour his Guinness. Shane slid his arms around his belly and kissed his neck. "Are you OK Nico?"

"Yeah fine!" He was quick to answer but his sincerity wasn't clear. 

"Nick... I'm OK she's here." 

"Right." 

"Huh, what?" Shane tugged on Nicky's jacket for an answer. "You seem more pissed off than me." 

"Exactly Shane. Ask yourself why that is." The blonde grabbed his pint and sipped it, passing the second to his man. 

Shane ignored Nicky's change in mood and turned to see Paige, Sasha and Jodi rocking to Sex on Fire. Blocking the image of his ex, he raised his glass and winked at Paige making her weak at the knees so he laughed at her obvious crush on him. 

Mark noticed the exchange and whispered in Shane's ear. "I wonder which of them wants your cock in their mouth most." 

Bursting into laughter again Shane shook his head, embarrassed by his best friend's comment. "It won't be Jodi, she was never interested before." He reminded him. 

"Maybe if you were honest and they knew you put it in Nicky's ass, they wouldn't dream about it so much."   
Shane slapped the back of Mark’s head. "Ha-ha what?! Do you just miss the female attention or does your sudden acceptance of Jodi have a hidden agenda?" 

To avoid any more accusations Shane turned his back on the crowd and gave Mark a disapproved eye. "I need a cigarette." 

"Fine, let's go."   
***

All night Nicky was on edge. Shane's cheeky kisses with Paige didn't bother him at all, he found it funny but after Mark being arsey with him at work and Jodi playing ignorant, he was already in a mood and he couldn't stop thinking about Shane's weird behaviour.   
Why was he so cool with Jodi being there? And where had she really been all week? Surely Shane hadn't seen or spoken to her behind Nicky's back. No he wouldn't. Nicky was being paranoid.  
He trusted his man more than anyone in the world so why did he feel there was something being kept from him. His attitude towards Jodi had changed overnight and he was struggling to remain professional at work.   
Maybe he could have her fired. He felt guilty having ever trusted her and every memory Shane had shared now plagued his thoughts when he looked at her. That special bond he felt for her after the lift debacle had faded and the importance of her part in it was no longer a valid reason to be nice.   
He looked across the room and saw the woman having fun, dancing and getting drunk with Shane's innocent employee and it made his blood boil. He regretted being a knob to Shane earlier and wanted to punish Jodi so he waited for Paige to disappear to the ladies before plunging his tongue down Shane's throat for her to witness. 

"Mmm what was that for? I thought you were pissed at me?" 

"I love you... I'm sorry for being a dick." 

"I love you too beautiful... So, so much." Shane was drunk now but he was always honest. "Can I bite you yet?" He swept his arms under Nicky's and began to nibble the blonde’s neck. 

Nicky peered up and saw Jodi watching them as she finished her drink. It gave him great pleasure to rub her face in the fact Mr Perfect now belonged to him. He held Shane's jaw in his hand and drew him in for a full on snog. Jodi smiled as she saw the boys playing tonsil tennis. Nicky’s plan hadn't exactly worked though as seeing the boys together only made her feel better. She loved that her baby daddy was happy and she'd always respected Nicky so why would she have a problem? In her eyes, she needed them to be together. Her future didn't involve the boys being apart. 

***

 

Cobi woke at 6am and he tried to make sure his mother was awake too. His vocal chords were still going strong after his outburst days ago but today he was singing instead as he pulled the string on his mobile and gurgled away to Twinkle Twinkle. He wasn’t loud enough for Jodi to stir and when he couldn't see his mammy in bed he cried for her attention.   
He often sang in the morning to wake Jodi but on days she wasn't around, he cried for his mama. Sometimes it'd be for an hour but he knew she'd always come eventually. 2 hours passed before Cobi was tired of crying. He fished for his water bottle and suckled on the dribbles left; just enough to wet his mouth and lips. As he laid beside his fluffy monkey teddy, he let out a baby sigh and soothed his gums on his dummy... Waiting for mummy to come. 

Out on the sofa, Jodi was sprawled out in last night's clothes. Her shoes were kicked off in the middle of the room and the contents of her handbag covered the coffee table next to a glass of water. When her mobile buzzed at 8:15am with a text from Paige, Jodi stirred and checked the time.   
The house was quiet and it took a minute for her to realise where she was. She checked the text on her phone to see a photo message of Shane kissing Paige's cheek with the capture 'Still can't believe my boyband boss kissed me ;) xxx' Jodi sniggered to herself feeling a little guilty for not telling her new friend her boss is gay. She sat up and rubbed her face before spotting the baby monitor by her purse. The Twinkle Twinkle melody played and she realised Cobi was awake.   
'Oh god! Not today' her head was spinning and she was still stumbling on her feet as she fetched a milk bottle from the kitchen. It had been made up at tea time the day before but she didn't have the energy to make a fresh one.   
Opening her bedroom door alerted the baby and an adorable smile filled his hungry face. 

"Morning beautiful boy." She smiled at the little creation she'd made with Shane. "I was with daddy last night... You're going to love him as much as I did and he's going to love you more than he ever did me." She dropped the bottle into his cot and left him to feed himself as she fell face first onto the bed and fell back to sleep. 

***

Jodi was still suffering her hangover on Monday after little sleep Saturday and Sunday. She called in sick to work but wrapped Cobi up warm and took him for a walk into town. As she walked down Castle Street towards Fairways, Shane's firm, she tried to avoid eye contact with anyone in the café as she passed. Unbeknownst to her, Shane was having his usual gaze from the front window and clocked her approaching. 

"Oh god." He murmured catching Paige's attention. Before she could ask what was wrong Shane opened the front door and greeted her. "Jodi!" He said even surprising himself by getting her name right. 

She looked up from the buggy and was shocked to see Shane deliberately stopping her. "Shane, hey. I didn't realise you worked so close to your parents."

"Why aren't you at work? Are you OK?" He showed some interest but really he only worried Cobi was ill. He was too scared to look into the push chair so held back until he was invited to do so. 

"Ugh, we didn't get much sleep that's all. Mams busy so I thought I'd bring Cobi for some fresh air and go into work at lunch." 

"So did you have a good night Friday?"

"It was the best. Paige is such a sweetie. Is she in?" Jodi looked through the window and waved at the younger girl working at her computer. "Say hi for me." 

"Sure... So..." She felt awkward knowing Shane didn't really want to talk to her but he'd been the one to make the effort so she wanted to see how far it'd go. "How's the little man?" Shane was desperate to meet his son. He was stood inches away from the buggy but daren’t take a peak. "Wrapped up I hope?"

"Of course. He's fine... Are you going to look at him?!" 

"I... yeah I... May I?" Jodi nodded and pushed the hood down from over the boy’s face. She tucked her finger under his blanket and slightly shifted it for Shane to see his face. Shane lost his breath. He was seeing his son for the first time and he couldn't cope with the overwhelming rush of love as he saw Cobi's tiny sleeping face. "Wow... Wow." 

Jodi saw the tears well up in his eyes and she smiled. She hoped this moment would change their non-friendship for the sake of their boy. "He's so beautiful isn't he?" 

As Shane nodded, his boy stirred and turned his head to look at his daddy. "Hi buddy." He reached his hand into the basket and stroked Cobi's cheek with the back of his index finger. "Huh... I can't believe he's real." 

"I'm so sorry Shane. I'm sorry for everything." Jodi stared at him as she watched him smile at their baby. She instantly regretted the last year and wished she'd at least tried to contact him before the boy was born. 

Shane looked into Jodi's eyes for just a second and saw the sincerity she had to offer. He still couldn't forgive her but in that moment he was comfortable to be beside her. "Yeah... Me too." He had nothing to be sorry for to her but he had plenty of apologising to do to his son for denying him. "He's incredible. He's a real person and he's half of me... I can't believe how much I..." He stopped before he could finish and sighed. "Do you need to be anywhere?"

"Just Penny's for a few bits before I head home." Pushing her luck and throwing Shane into the deep end she offered to leave Cobi there with him for 20 minutes while she did her shopping alone. 

"Are you serious?! I'm at work."

"I know, you can say no it was just a wild thought." 

"Well how can I say no?! It's not exactly very practical but he's here now... Fine, go and do what you need to. He's safe here with me and Paige. But don't consider this as a favour to you."

"OK... Thank you. I'll be as quick as I can. If there's any problem, call me." She scribbled her number down on the back of a receipt and couldn't get away fast enough. 

"Wow, well it's just you and me then buddy." For the first time ever, Shane pushed his son’s buggy into the branch and wheeled him straight into the staff room, confusing Paige who didn't even know Jodi had a kid but she was quick to assume Shane was the daddy.   
He reached into the pushchair and smiled down at Cobi. The boy’s eyes met his daddy's and he cracked a wee smile melting Shane's heart.   
"Hi... I'm your dada." He clenched his jaw and held back more tears as he closed the door behind him for privacy.   
There he was. Father and son and every emotion he could possibly feel, he did. Cobi was silently content. He wasn't used to strange men but there seemed to be an obvious understanding that this stranger was going to keep him safe. Shane lifted him out of the carrier and cuddled his son, placing a delicate kiss on his head.   
"You have no idea how much I love you little guy... Shall we send a photo to your other daddy? He's going to be so shocked... I know, let's video call him." 

There was no reason in Nicky's mind for Shane to try and connect a video call but as he was on a 5 minute break he answered with some confusion. "Hey you, this is a pleasant surprise. What's up gorgeous?" He smiled down the camera at Shane but he could see he'd been crying. "Why are you crying?" He worried. 

"Because I'm so happy I can't believe this is real right now." He looked down at Cobi and Nicky asked what he meant. "Completely out the blue I saw Jodi outside... And now I'm holding my son." 

Nicky’s eyes widened and he had to catch his breath too. "What?! He's there?! Oh my god, Shane." 

"Do you wanna see him? Look..." Shane scanned the front facing camera down his body to show the happy boy in his arms. He saw Nicky gasp and smile. 

"Wow... Hello little fella." Nicky waved at the camera. "Aren't you just like your daddy hey?" He held his hands over his mouth and sat back in his chair. "I can't believe it." 

"I know. He's perfect Nicky. I wish you were here right now. This is so surreal being here alone with him." He tilted the phone so both of them could be seen on screen.

"Alone?! Where's Jodi?" Shane explained what had happened and Nicky immediately forgave her absence in the office. "I'm so happy for you babe. I wish I was there too." 

"I don't want to let him go." Shane sobbed. "My heart is aching Nicky. He almost makes everything else forgivable... He's got my eyes." 

"My stomach is doing summersaults... I'll have to be nice to her this afternoon now." He chuckled. "So there's no doubt in your mind now?"

"Not even for a split second Nicky. I can see it and feel it... This is my son and when I get my way, he'll be yours too." 

Nicky didn't know how that was going to happen but he trusted Shane was in control. "Oh hey, can I run down to Mark so he can see?" 

"Great idea. Cobi needs to meet his uncle Mark." 

Nicky ran out of his office and shot down the stairs to Mark’s office where he burst through the door, making his friend jump. "Mark... I have a surprise on the phone for you. Here, take the video call." He panted as Shane laughed at his record breaking sprint. 

"Hey Marky."

"Um, hi. What's going on?" 

"Say hello to your new honorary nephew... Cobi." He lowered the screen again to show just the boy and Mark’s face lit up. "Amazing huh?"

"What the... How? Is this why she's not at work?"

"Not exactly but who cares. I have my son in my arms and my 2 favourite boys on video call sharing this moment with me." Shane sniffed as he kissed Cobi's head again. The boy was so comfortable and relaxed he wasn't making a sound. "I've never been so happy in my life." 

Nicky hugged Mark from behind his chair and he smiled into the shot. "We're so proud of you babe. We wish we were there. I love you dada." The blonde smirked with glistening eyes. "Uh, I'm going to moo in a minute." 

"Ha-ha, wave to daddy and Uncle Mark Cobi... Hiyah guys... Ha-ha. Look lads I don't have long and I have to take him to see Mam before Jodi gets back. I love you both so much OK? I'll take us out for dinner tonight. Say bye Cobi... Bye, bye..."

Nicky took the phone and kissed the camera. "Mwah... I love you too. Thanks for calling me Shane, I wouldn't have missed this for the world. He's amazing and I can't wait to meet him properly. Take it easy all right and enjoy the time you have."

"We will... Thanks Nico. Love you. Bye." 

Nicky hung up the call and sighed, shrugging at Mark is wonderment. "What the fuck just happened?!" 

"Congratulations, you just became a daddy!" Mark’s smile ached his cheeks as he expressed how chuffed he was for Shane... And Nicky. "He is absolutely stunning Nicky. You're both very lucky." 

Nicky nodded and grinned. "This is it man... Hopefully the start of everything."   
*** 

Mae was beyond dumbfounded when Shane had snuck in the back door with Cobi in his arms. He'd given her no warning of his new knowledge of being a dad and she nearly had a heart attack when Shane explained who the bairn was. His father was just as overwhelmed but they both spent a good 5 minutes each cuddling their new grandson.   
Shane couldn't take his eyes off the angel as he took in his surroundings and smiled at his family. He couldn't believe how quiet and gratified he was meeting all these new people but when he checked his watch he knew he had to get back to work. He promised to revisit his folks later that day and took his boy away.

The 20 minutes was up but another 10 minutes passed before Shane noticed Jodi was taking longer than she thought. He didn't care though, he didn't want to let him go he was just worried Jodi wasn't coming back. 

"Where's mammy hey? Shall we go see? Let's go see Paige." When Shane stood in the doorway to the shop floor, Paige grinned and let out an excited squeak. "Say hello to my beautiful, and favourite employee, Paige... Hi pretty lady." 

Paige blushed as her boss complimented her and tried to hold back her fan-girl butterflies. "Aww he's absolutely gorgeous Shane. Jodi never said she had a kid with you." 

"Yeah well believe it or not I only found out for sure a week ago myself... We've spoken to Nicky and Mark on the phone haven't we?" 

Paige melted at the vision of father and son. She stood back and marvelled at the bond the boys shared so soon. She felt honoured to be a part of Shane's day and for a moment wanted to give her boss a huge hug and kiss to congratulate him.   
"Wow... He's a right social butterfly... Do you want me to take a photo of you together?"

"Thanks, we had some at the café but another won't hurt, cheers." Shane sat down at his desk and had a beautifully natural photo taken looking down at Cobi as the boy met his eyes. When she showed him it, he grinned. "It's perfect. Thank you." He rubbed his free hand on her back and trailed it round to squeeze her hand before kissing the back of her palm. "You're a diamond." 

Paige was on cloud nine. She was totally falling in love with her boss even though she knew he was well out of her league and ten years older. "You're welcome." She smiled at Cobi. 

Shane saw the lust in her eyes and entertained her crush. He was in such a good mood he wanted to share the love so he tugged on her arm inviting her to sit on his knee. "Go on, take a picture of the three of us for the staff room." 

"Really?!" 'oh my god I'm sat on his knee' her face was illuminated with nerves but she took up the offer and turned on the selfie mode, leaning down to Shane's shoulder as he lifted Cobi to their faces. "Ready... Cheese. Ha-ha aww it's so adorable." 

"Aww yeah that's a nice one. Thank you." 

Not wanting to push her luck, Paige stood to her feet and tickled the baby's chin before giving them some personal space. "I'll print off a copy now."

"Send me a copy on messenger too. I want every single shot on my phone to show the lads later." 

She nodded and proceeded to find him on Facebook; his profile and cover photo offering no insight into his relationship as one featured Harley and Austin and the other was a group photo of him with the boys backstage in their leather jackets. Everything else was private and she didn't dare try to befriend him yet so she just forwarded the photos and tried to restrain the happiness on her face as she swiped across the pics of her kissing his cheek and vice versa. 

20 minutes later than expected, Jodi rolled into the unit with a bag full of gifts for Cobi amongst the essential baby wipes and nappies.   
"Hey, sorry I took so long. It's a novelty to shop without that little one in the way. Thank you so much for taking him. I didn't mean to put you on the spot like that... Hi Paige."

"Please don't apologise. He's been an absolute angel for daddy haven't ye?" 

"Really?! You mean he hasn't cried?"

"Not once... We've seen Nico and Marky on my phone, skipped over to see my mam and dad then we've been chilling with Paige. He's been amazing." 

"Wow, how did they take it?"

"I hadn't warned them so it was a happy shock. They had a cuddle and he loved it. I don't know how you can go to work and leave him at home."

"Trust me the novelty wears off pretty quickly. So... We're OK?" Jodi ignored the fact Paige was in the room until she crept out and gave them some space. "I mean, I know you and I... We'll never be OK Shane but... Do you think we can be civil enough to make this access work?"

Shane placed the boy back into his carrier and rubbed his neck. "I don't appreciate you keeping him from me for 8 months Jodi... I'm still angry and upset but being with him for the last 40 minutes has changed me ya know? I can't imagine my life without him now... I wanna be the best dad he could ever wish for and I wanna do that with Nicky." 

"Seeing you with Nicky on Friday night... It felt right, you look amazing together. I saw you last Monday too when you left and I'm not jealous, I'm not anything... Except relieved you found someone to love you and treat you right and I know Nicky is an absolute angel, you both deserve each other." 

Shane squinted as he looked at her. He could tell she was genuine and that pleased him. He couldn't remember the last time he'd truly believed a thing she said. "Thank you... I really appreciate that. Especially from you." 

"We'll never be friends Shane I know that and I know Nicky hates me now too but I just hope for the sake of this Baba, we can try to move on now." 

"Absolutely." He smiled at her for the first time in years, feeling at ease with her. "So what have you been buying? That's a lot of stuff."

"Essentials and gifts. That's a fraction of my wages gone before I've even paid the bills."   
Shane looked down at his little boy now falling asleep and reached into his back pocket for his wallet. When he presented a big note he told her take it.   
"Oh god no, Shane that wasn't a guilt trip. I'm sorry I wasn't..."

"Just take it please. It's for him not you. Get anything else he needs. I wanna pay my way. Even though he's priceless... Please, I know it's not much compared but it's all I have on me right now." 

"Thank you... Really, thank you." Jodi knew Shane was the best person for the job as Cobi's father and she appreciated his support but she hated taking his money. It was a joy to hear the boy had been at peace for an hour with total strangers and she hoped his mood would remain when she left. "I have to get him home so I can go to work." 

"I wish I could have him all day but it's just not practical." He frowned wishing he didn't have to say goodbye. "I'm going to miss him so much and we've only just met." 

"Nicky told me you felt the same when you met him... Please call or message me when you wanna arrange more time. No pressure."

"OK thanks... I'll be seeing you then munchkin." He leaned his head into the buggy and kissed Cobi's head. "Love you." He whispered. Standing up straight Shane opened the door for her to leave and held back tears. "Rhaiya..."

Jodi's eyes shot to Shane's. She hated hearing him say that name. It was like a dagger to her heart and it stung more than the veg knife that wounded him. She didn't respond but waited for him to speak.

"Jodi, sorry..." He grinned. "Take care OK. Our son needs you." 

She nodded and smiled before making her way back home. "Bye Shane." 

He watched them leave and slowly stepped back inside, wandering into the staff room to take a breather but Paige was there making a coffee. When she turned to smile at him he broke down in tears.   
"What's wrong?" 

"I'm just... So overwhelmed." He wiped his face quickly so she didn't have to see him cry and she felt for him. "Sorry, I'm a bigger baby than Cobi." He sniggered. 

"You are so cute... There's nothing wrong with showing your emotions Shane. This was a massive deal for you. I think you handled it great." She smiled at him. "Don't worry I won't tell anyone about the water works." 

"Ha-ha thanks. You're a star... I'm glad you were here too. That photo is amazing. Come here." Shane pulled the girl in for a hug. He held her tight for a few seconds and then released her. "Thank you." 

"No problem. You know I don't have to be friends with Jodi... If it's weird for you."

"It's not an issue, honestly. She doesn't have many friends and a good influence like you would do her good. Plus if you drag her out more I might get to babysit." 

"You'll be far too busy conquering the world with Westside." She giggled. 

"Ha-ha who knows. I have some more important things to take care of first. A couple of life changing decisions to consider. But I'm confident I can pull it off now."   
***


	10. Chapter 10

The day had been a recent dream come true for Shane. He'd got to share his experience with the people he loved most and he'd been on a high all day, staring at photos on his phone. He'd never been in love with two people before. His beautiful lover and soul mate Nicky and now his very own heart and soul, his son Cobi.   
The band didn't have a gig that weekend so they celebrated in style as friends, lovers and brothers by going for a swanky meal then letting their hair down with a few bevvies and a dance in the VIP suite at Lola's.   
Jodi had managed to make the rest of her shifts that week as they were half day, part time hours and she'd still stuck to Shane's request of not asking about their lives or assuming they were suddenly friends again. Nicky had been more polite and softened to her again but he still didn't want to give the impression he'd forgiven her either. 

Although it killed him every day to be without Cobi, Shane bound his time and bit his tongue as he liaised with his lawyer. The DNA test result proved what he already knew and in his preparations, Shane talked Jodi into adding his name on the birth certificate. He had been surprised by her willingness to comply and started to feel guilty as Nicky continued to confirm her professionalism in the workplace. It now felt like there was 3 sides to Jodi; the disgraced ex Rhaiya, the lovely friend and colleague Jodi and this new stranger with a completely different stance. 

Nicky had watched Shane change too. He was still angry at Rhaiya and bitter towards Jodi but as the mother of his child, he'd built a slight defence and compassion for her and tried his best to be the bigger man. It inspired the blonde to be a better person himself. Everything Shane did, Nicky was in awe of. He was so madly in love with his perfect man he was scared of turning into Rhaiya; not in the violent sense but his jealousy had starting getting the better of him and he had to remind himself that Jodi and Paige weren't on his radar and that Shane would die before he lost Nicky or let anything happen to him. 

***

It wasn't long until Nicky's Christmas gift to Shane was ready to enjoy. Their trip to Paris was all set up and the boys couldn't wait to get away. Their relationship went from strength to strength and Shane had started looking for a bigger place for them to live. The house above the tanning shop now felt too small and with Shane's tidy wage racking up in his bank he wanted to splash out on a mortgage. This commitment meant the world to Nicky. He knew the security of their future was safe and bright which led him to relax more and enjoy each day as it come. 

The live gigs had become the place to be in Sligo on a Friday night and the in-house band, Westside, became a regular staple in the act. They were contracted to do 2 weeks in, 1 week off and John kept it interesting by adding themes to the shows. The first theme was simple; original work only. It meant the lads, namely Shane and Mark, had to pen some more tracks to add to their set. They'd already got Safe, Bop Bop Baby, Amazing, Miss you and What Makes a Man but they were desperate to write some more up-tempo tracks. Ballads were perfect for their voices but it was a pub after all and they loved seeing people dance to their numbers. 

Nicky and Kian clubbed together to come up with a song called Bad Girls. It was just a fun song to tease the women in the crowd and a great sound for its purpose.   
Shane and Mark were more experienced writing songs. They'd got huge reactions from Safe and Amazing and the one that touched a nerve with Jodi was What Makes a Man. So using Jodi as inspiration he forced pen to paper and came up with She's Back. He found it easy to write from experience and this song was intended to break her.

The show was planned so the boys did their usual social media shout out and this time Gill and her hubby Gary, Finbarr, Mairead and her husband, Mark’s brother Colin and the cafés chef - Kian's brother Colm were all up for a night out to see their brother's live.   
Their number one fan Paige was first in line with Sasha and a couple of girls from the council agreed to check out the boy’s talent. Shane insisted they wore their leather jackets on stage again and it became their trademark dress code, simply changing their tops each time until a theme was announced where they could mix it up a little. 

Kicking off the show in style the band opened up with Safe, grabbing punters attention with their vocal talents before bringing the tempo up a notch. The boy’s families were amazed by how great they were and anyone that didn't know them fell in love to. They saved the two newest tracks until the end. Bad Girls received a great response which pleased the blondes as their first attempt at writing seemed a success. But Shane was now nervous to perform the song he'd deliberately based on Jodi and he knew his brother and sister would catch on to the reference early on. They knew all about Cobi but were yet to meet him. 

"Wow Sligo you've been such an amazing crowd tonight thank you." Mark smiled, receiving a huge scream of approval by both men and women. 

Nicky grinned at his sister and then took to the mic. "It's been out of this world for us this last month. This is only our 3rd official gig as a band and we already recognise some regular faces and we're so, so grateful for your amazing support. We're just a bunch of lads that enjoyed karaoke and open mic night so being asked to create a boyband for Stages was something we were a little dubious about but I feel it's paying off." 

Kian added a quick hello and thank you before letting Shane introduce the final track. "Now this next song is another brand new track written especially for tonight. This time last year my life was so far removed from where I am now and we've since gone through some more changes so I won't say names but this next ones about someone quite relevant to my life right now. Please enjoy. This is called She's Back." 

The funky music began and Shane smiled at Paige as Nicky winked at Gill. Shane opened his mouth and out came the lyrics.  
"Took some time to heal. To get my heartbeat back. Just when I'm ahead, returning from the dead, she's back again. O-ho... She knows just what to say. She always gets her way. Just when I was free, she's back inside of me. She's back again." 

Mark took on the next few lines and the blondes joined in at the chorus. Paige could work out for herself that it was aimed at Jodi and she wondered what had really kicked off between the couple. She was too scared to pry into her boss’s private life despite the fact he continued to tease her crush and let her into his business. She was too naive to realise that she never stood a real chance of getting into his pants but she lived and breathed in hope that one day the gorgeous hunk would kiss her lips for a change and leave her cheek alone. 

"Thank you so much Sligo, we hope to see you next week for the valentine's love song special. Have a great night." Shane waved to their adoring fans and jumped off stage to give Mairead a hug. "So what did you think?"

"You little superstar. You were fantastic bro." She and Finbarr raised a glass and smiled at the girls rushing to his side for a photo. 

The other lads were greeted by their siblings too as Paige waited on the side-lines again. As soon as Shane was free, she cheered at him with open arms. 

"Woo, go you!" Paige clapped. 

Shane surprised the brunette by sweeping her up in his arms, spinning her round in his hold and kissing her temple. "We did good?" 

"Always." She smirked, wrapping her arm around his waist when he put her down. She was introduced to everyone and accepted into the family crew and when Nicky had finished high fiving their guests he put his hands on each of her shoulders. 

Nicky leaned into Paige's ear and tickled her with his breath. "So Mrs Filan wannabe, where's Jodi tonight?"

"Um, I dunno I didn't invite her. Why? Were you hoping she'd hear that song?"

"I think Shane was, ha-ha. You look very pretty tonight. Are you trying to impress someone by any chance?" Nicky asked, presuming her outfit was for Shane's benefit. 

"Cheeky... No I just wanna look nice. Can't I make an effort for my boss’s band?" 

"Of course. You're our number one fan right?" 

"Absolutely. And there's no harm in being friends with your boyband crush right?" She whispered in the blonde’s ear having let go of Shane to give her attention to his band mate. 

"Ha-ha, crush?! You're crushing over Shane?" Nicky laughed, now convinced she had no idea he was gay. Why hadn't Shane mentioned it?! He had no problem with his boyfriend having a ‘fag hag’ but he'd seen the way Shane was with Paige and he worried he might be unintentionally leading her on. 

"Well... Let's be honest, he's pretty fit right?" 

"Oh he's fit all right." Nicky grinned staring at his man as he laughed with Mark and Kian. "He’s amazing." 

"Aww it looks like he's your boyband crush too." She teased, pinching Nicky's cheek. "Jodi said he's good with his tongue... She's so lucky having his baby. Do you think they'll ever get back together?"

"Not a fucking cat in hell's chance if I have anything to do with it. Hell will freeze over before I let her touch him again." 

Paige raised her eyebrows at him. "Wow sounds serious. I just thought maybe Cobi would rekindle their relationship but I don't know anything about it so ignore me. I'm just jealous." She admitted, smiling at Nicky's boyfriend. "He's so gorgeous, any woman would be lucky to get close to him." 

"Ha-ha yeah ANY woman would be lucky." 

"What do you mean?!" 

"Paige I hate to break it to ya Hun but Shane's gay." 

Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped in disbelief. "No! You're having a laugh? Really?"

"Sorry." Nicky shrugged feeling bad for bursting her bubble but he hated seeing her throw herself at him. "But yeah."

"I guessed Mark was gay... Oh my god is Mark his boyfriend? He kept calling him Uncle Mark."

"Ha-ha god no! Mark is with Kian."

"What?!" She felt so foolish for not seeing it sooner. "So... Does he have a boyfriend?" She really wanted him to say no but before he could reply, Shane turned to Nicky and kissed his mouth, telling him he was breaking off to the men's. "Oh wow." 

"Sorry sweetheart." Nicky grinned and gave her a hug. "It's all good though ya know. He still thinks you're great." 

"Well don't I feel like a prize idiot." 

"Paige, seriously, don't change the way you treat him. He loves the attention. I just thought you should know." He rubbed her arm and drew her in for a cuddle. "You're a stunning young woman. You'll find someone... And if Shane has anything to do with it, I'll bet he'll only let that guy be as amazing as he is." 

"Aww thanks Nicky. You're so sweet." She smiled, feeling safe from the possibility of what could have been a very awkward warning. She was gutted deep down but it lifted a little desire from her crush and allowed her just to enjoy her boss’s growing friendship instead.  
*** 

Jodi huffed and paced the room as Cobi refused to stop crying again. He’d been fed, bathed and changed but she was so clueless to the fact he was just teething. He’d got teething aids but Jodi hadn’t been placing them in the fridge to cool them for him so they never offered much comfort. Sick of cradling him, she placed him on the floor and took a step back. 

“You have got to stop this! You didn’t cry once for your dad… are you trying to punish me?” Jodi held her hands over her eyes and then checked the time. She was gagging for a glass of wine and knew the boys were in the pub with Paige but couldn’t get a sitter to watch over the boy. Her mum was nowhere around and she was getting more and more frustrated by the noise. “You need to shut up and go to sleep. I can’t think straight.”

After 5 minutes of ignoring Cobi’s cries for comfort, Jodi wandered into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of wine. It wasn’t often she left her son anywhere he wasn’t strapped in or blocked in so when he crawled to her side she was infuriated.   
“How did you… you’re crawling?!” how could his own mother not know this already? And why hadn’t anyone mentioned it? “No… you don’t get to follow me and guilt trip me. Just go away and shut up, please Cobi.” The baby boy sat on his spot watching his mum drink her wine and let quiet tears roll down his chubby cheeks. “Don’t judge me… I don’t want to be here right now either.”

The room went silent for 10 minutes. Jodi stared into her wine glass until it was empty and then gazed over to Cobi who’d fallen asleep on the cold kitchen tiles. There was no way she was going to move him and risk setting him off again so she poured herself another glass and crept passed him to chill on the sofa, leaving her son snoozing like a dog in the dark. In her mind her behaviour seemed a normal reaction to the situation and she couldn’t see any wrong in the way she was treating her own flesh and blood. She’d been so quick to pawn him off on Shane and she hated missing out on work but the arrangements she claimed were working for her were so far from the truth, if Shane knew the truth, she’d lose everything.  
***

 

As the boys remained in bed on Saturday morning nursing their hangovers and enjoying a day off, Jodi woke on the sofa with an empty glass in her hand. Cobi had woken just an hour later the night before and crawled his way into the cat bed in the corner of the room. They’d never owned a cat but Jodi had taken care of one for a week while her neighbour went on holiday so she’d kept it as Cobi liked to sit in it to watch TV and play with his rattles. He knew his mummy was out for the count again so he stayed in the room with her and waited for her to wake in the morning. He was aching and hungry so he knew it was time to make her cross. He opened his lungs and shouted for her attention but like usual she didn’t bother to get up so he cried for half an hour until the lazy bitch managed to pull herself out of a hazy sleep.

“OK baba I’m up. Sshh… it’s OK.” She scooped him up in her arms and gave him a cuddle and kiss. “You’re going to be a good boy today yeah? Shall we go and see Grannie and Granddad at the café?” 

The change in her mood was drastic as she comforted her boy, feeding him a fresh bottle, changing his diaper and dressing him in adorable warm clothes. She loved him and wished no harm to him and today, anyone would think she was the perfect mum. She didn’t think twice about bolding walking into the Carlton café with Cobi in tow. She knew Mae and Peter would be angry to see her but thought with their grandson in hand, they couldn’t refuse to take him off her for an hour while she went shopping again. She felt she needed some time alone in her own head space but didn’t want to ask Shane for help and the truth was, she’d not spoken to her mother for months. Unbelievably it was Jodi’s elderly neighbour who cared for Cobi when she went to work and she’d draft in a local trusted babysitter for when she wanted a night out but Mrs Hutchins next door didn’t like to provide her duties at a weekend so Jodi was on her own today.  
***

Shane wrapped his arms around Nicky’s bare chest and kissed his shoulder. “Good morning beautiful.”

Nicky smiled as he opened his eyes to see his man looking worse for wear. “Hungover?”

“Something like that. How about we stay in bed all day and I do this…” Shane’s hand slid under the covers to feel the tip of Nicky’s morning glory.

“Mmm… sounds good to me.” The blonde kissed Shane and rolled on top of him to begin a day of sex, sex and more sex.  
***

The morning rush had settled down in the café but there was a steady string of customers still ordering a big fry up so Colm and Peter were both on duty, dishing out the breakfast as Mae charged her consumers. Making her way through the queue she finally greeted the mother and child but when Mae noticed Jodi stood in front of her she froze.

“Hello Mae.” Jodi smiled hoping she didn’t get dismissed straight away. “Long time no see.”

It took a few moments for Shane’s mum to find her smile but she remained professional and said good morning. “Indeed dear. What can I get for you?”

“Do you have 5 minutes? I really want to talk to you.”

When Mae could see her grandson wrapped up in his buggy her heart fluttered. “Robbie will be here any second so yes. Take a seat over there.”

As soon as she was free, Mae checked Peter couldn’t see their table through the kitchen door and she joined Jodi and Cobi at the table. “What is it dear?”

“I’m so sorry… Shane told me you met Cobi out of the blue. I was passing again so I thought I’d call in. I hope you don’t mind.”

Mae was far too polite to say what she was thinking. “And miss seeing this cherub again? Of course it’s OK… hello you.” She smiled warmly at Cobi who grinned back. 

“Mae… I don’t know what Shane’s told you but I’m not here to cause trouble or hurt anyone. I’m happy that he’s found Nicky and I want him to see Cobi now. I’ve made some terrible mistakes and I want to put them right.”

“We don’t know everything darling but I do agree with you. Shane is a strong boy, he’s coming to terms with it all and he’s very happy with Nicky. It was just a big shock to meet this little one. He’s such a cute little button and he looks exactly as his daddy did at his age.”

Jodi smiled at Mrs Filan, feeling a sense of liberation. “Thank you. I never want to upset him again and I’m truly sorry for hurting your son. I couldn’t imagine anyone hurting Cobi like that.”

Mae took Jodi’s hand in hers and nodded. “I’m glad you’re feeling better. Babies can do that to you. Make you want to be the best you can be.”

“I’m not claiming to be mother of the year or anything but I’m trying my best. It’s just so hard being a single mum and traipsing around town on a weekend with a huge buggy in the way. I can’t even shop in the cheapest places because they’re not wide enough to get around. It’s tough.”

“We can watch him for you if you’d like. He wasn’t a problem the before. I’ll take time off, Robbie can manage on the till. I can take him upstairs with me and you can go do your shopping where ever you need to.”

Jodi’s mood was lifted. She’d got exactly what she wanted and knew her son would be happy and safe with his grandparents. She couldn’t wait to shoot out of there but passed her number onto Mae first and told her he’d need a feed in half an hour. Within minutes, Jodi was out of the door with a huge grin on her face. The weight was off her shoulders. She had 2 hours to go where she wanted, buy what she needed and breathe her own thoughts without Cobi screaming in her ear hole the entire time.  
***

As the boys ignored their mobiles buzzing for an hour and half while they played, Mrs Filan entertained her grandson in her home. She couldn’t understand why Shane wasn’t answering his phone but assumed he was busy, maybe horse riding on his day off. She knew he’d want to be there but she couldn’t get through to him. 

Eventually when he could tear himself off his pretty boyfriend, he checked his phone and saw the missed calls from him mum so he rang back, worried there was something serious going on. “Mam what’s up… I’ve been in bed, why?... who?... what?!... you’re joking aren’t you?... fuck, yeah I’ll be right there… well she was late back last time so we’ll see… OK bye.”

“What’s going on?” Nicky worried by Shane’s facial expression.

“Jodi’s left cobi with mam at the café.”

“What? Why?”

“To go fucking shopping again. Manipulating bitch… she’s got a fucking cheek.” Shane jumped out of bed to get dressed and rush down to the café. “Are you coming?”

“Yeah course.” Nicky shot up too and got ready to make their way to their son.  
***

As Jodi browsed through some dresses in Top Shop she was spotted by Paige. “Hello Miss Anasta. Child free today?”

“Paige, hi.” Jodi gave her a friendly hug. “Yeah he’s with my mum so I can do some shopping.”

“Oh awesome. That’s what I’m doing. Do you fancy going for some lunch?”

“Yeah sure, let’s go!” Jodi dropped the hanger back in its place and held Paige’s hand as she led them out the store to find somewhere to eat. Never mind the fact she was due back at the café in half an hour. She’d totally believed her own lies that cobi was safe with her mum for the day so she could do what she wanted, and she did.   
***

Shane passed his son over to Nicky for his first cuddle while he tried to call Jodi. He’d put her number in his contacts but hadn’t needed to call her yet. When he saved it, he’d written Rhaiya but had to remind himself Jodi was the better option despite every time her name was mentioned he only saw her old name in his head.

“She’s not answering.” Shane sighed. “Hey Jodi, it’s Shane. I’m at the café with Cobi, I’m just wondering how long you’ll be so I know whether to hang around or not. Let me know yeah? Bye.” He hung up and shook his head. “Go back down to work mam. We’ll keep an eye on him.”

“OK son.” She didn’t interfere with their time together so she gave Cobi a kiss goodbye and made her way back downstairs. 

Nicky could see the frustration on Shane’s face as he bounced the boy on his knee, pulling funny faces at him. “What’s up with dada hey?”

“Don’t me wrong here, I’m not complaining about seeing my son but don’t you think it’s a bit fishy that she just drops by like this then fucks off into town? She knows my parents hate her. Why didn’t she just call me?”

“Maybe she didn’t think she could. You made the ground rules pretty clear babe. Perhaps she just wanted to bite the bullet and say hi now your mam knows the truth… you know your mam would make an offer like this given the chance.”

“No… she planned this. I know her Nicky. She came here with the intention of guilt tripping mam into looking after him.”

“So? It worked didn’t it? He’s here, she’s where ever and your mam had her offer accepted.” Nicky continued to bounce Cobi on his knee and gave the gorgeous boy a kiss. “And he’s gorgeous just like his dada. Yes he is. Mwah.”

“That’s not the point though is it? She’s not even answering her phone. Does she even care? Something could have happened and she doesn’t even care.”

“Shane I think you’re overreacting a bit. You said she was 20 minutes late last week. If she’s got her hands full she probably can’t answer. Just wait and see what she has to say. She’s a great mum.”

“huh, I know… it just doesn’t add up that’s all.” Shane sat down next to his two favourite boys and rested his head on Nicky’s shoulder. “You’re a natural with him.”

“He’s half of you, it’s not difficult to love him. Look at his happy little face.”

“Nick… tell me the truth here… you are OK with this aren’t you? Before it was just you and me but now… I don’t want him to come between us.”

Nicky looked at Shane and kissed him. “Relax. This is everything I’ve ever wanted. I just wish she wasn’t in the picture.”

Shane nodded and smiled, knowing his plan was the right move to make. He didn’t want to make any huge decisions if he wasn’t sure Nicky could cope with the changes but knowing he was on board with Cobi gave him confidence that his biggest commitment was right too.   
Another hour passed and Shane still hadn’t got through to Jodi. She’d completely lost track of time with Paige and didn’t check her phone until she noticed it flash in her handbag while reaching for her purse to pay for their food. She saw the voicemail and listened to it, realising she should get back to her son. 

“Everything OK?” Paige asked.

“Yeah, Cobi is getting restless so I best get back. My mam needs a break. I’m sorry we didn’t get to go shopping though. Are you free tonight for a boogie?”

“Yeah I think so. Call me in a bit and we’ll arrange it.” Paige agreed, unaware it’d leave Cobi without his mamma once more, believing her mum was more than willing to take care of him. “I’ll look forward to it. Ooh I’m going to buy a new dress.”

“Cool, speak in a bit then.” Jodi gave her friend a hug goodbye and ran off to the café to face Shane’s wrath.  
***

Shane left Nicky and Cobi in the lounge while he ran downstairs to greet Jodi. She’d arrived with no shopping bags so he was asking questions straight away. Jodi didn’t lie when she said she’d bumped into Paige but she had no excuse for not checking in with him.

“Are you for real!?” Shane grabbed her arm and pulled her into the store room away from customers and his parent’s ears. He shoved her away and fumed at her. “You could at least have the decency to tell me what you’re doing. You can’t just ask someone for a favour then keep taking the piss.”

“I wasn’t… your mum offered.”

“In good faith… if you were just gonna sit in a fucking Nandos then you could have taken him with you. Mam has a business to run.”

“I wasn’t intending to do that. It just happened I swear. Ask Paige.”

“Don’t blame her! You have a responsibility to our son. If you’d just rang me back to say you needed more time then I’d have been more than happy to take Cobi home with me for a while.”

“Is he OK? He hasn’t been crying again has he?”

“No… he’s perfectly happy with us.”

“So what’s the problem? You missed the first 8 months of his life, you should be happy to babysit for me.” Jodi trailed off, giving Shane attitude.

Shane took a deep breath and bit his bottom lip. “You are unbelievable.”

“Why?! I’m a single mum, I need some space now and again.” She argued.

“You’re never with him! Your mam looks after him more than you do.”

“Because I work. I have to work to pay the bills and provide for him. It’s not easy you know.”

Shane growled and shouted back. “No I don’t know because like you said, I haven’t been around thanks to you. I have no issue spending time with him, I’ve missed him like crazy but you don’t see my point. What is wrong with you?”

“You told me to leave you alone Shane. You told me not to bother you and interrupt your life. Why would I ask for your help? You’ll never do anything for me.”

“What!? This isn’t about you… it’s not about us… god you fucking infuriate me.”

“Not much has changed then.” She sniggered. “I always did infuriate you but you still forgave me.”

Shane’s eyes widened and he could feel himself reaching boiling point. He clenched his jaw and closed his eyes for a moment, counting to ten in his head. “I’m not doing this… you’re still fucked up in the head… are you enjoying this? Seeing me like this?”

“No I… I just don’t see what the problem is.”

“Argh, No of course you don’t.” he yelled in her face. “You’re a selfish cunt!” Jodi looked at Shane and remained mute. She raised her eyebrow at him and grinned. Her response broke him. He raised his fist and punched a box on the shelf, smashing his knuckles on the tins inside it. “Get out!”

“What? But…”

“Jodi, seriously… I’m not doing this. You haven’t changed at all, you need to leave.”

“You wouldn’t hurt me.” She claimed, trying to get close enough to him to check his hand. “OK maybe the once but…”

“Oh I’m going to hurt you all right… I’m just not going to hit you with my fist or stab you. Get the fuck away from me and leave.” Shane opened the door with his sore hand and gestured her to go. “I’m not joking Jodi.”

“Fine. Where’s Cobi?” she stood by his pram waiting to go.

Shane chuckled and shook his head. “You think he’s going home with you?!”

“What? Of course he is. Where is he?”

The boy’s dad held Jodi’s arm again and spoke in a low tone into her ear. “Forget about it… leave now and come back when you’ve finished satisfying your own selfish needs.”

“Shane, get off me. You can’t threaten to take my son from me. I need to take him home.”

In a rage he shouted back at her, “I can do what I want. He’s my son too.”

Hearing the commotion from upstairs, Nicky appeared at the top of the stairs with Cobi in his arms. “Guys seriously, what’s going on?”

Jodi saw her boy and raced up the stairs to take him from the blonde. She returned to his buggy at the bottom where Shane stood and wrapped him up, ready to go. Shane covered his face as his eyes welled up and he remained still and tight lipped until Jodi smiled at Nicky and said goodbye, turning the wheels to leave. 

“Jodi for god sake.” Shane looked at Nicky with slight anger and began to follow her through the café but she turned round and stopped him.

“Thanks for looking after him for me. You were a great help. See you Monday Nicky. I can see myself out. Say bye to daddy Cobi.” She smiled and waved at Nicky.

“Are you for real!?” Shane was confused by her sudden snap change in mood. “Expect a call from my lawyer.” He warned her and turned his back on them, storming outside the back exit.

Nicky waved them off and huffed as he joined Shane outside where he was sparking up a cigarette, unconcerned that his mum might discover his dirty habit. “What was all that about?” Shane’s tears were rolling down his cheek into the filter of his fag. He couldn’t look Nicky in the eye as he checked his sore hand. “Jesus Shane, please tell me you didn’t touch her.”

“Oh thanks a bunch Nicky. Do you really think I’d be that stupid again?”

“No, I’m sorry… but I could hear you arguing. What’s going on babe? Talk to me.” Shane dropped his unfinished smoke and wrapped his arms around Nicky’s neck, sobbing on his shoulder. “Hey, it’s OK.” He hugged him back and stroked his boy’s hair. 

“It’s not OK Nicky. Nothing is OK about this.” He sniffed, holding onto the blonde tight. “I hate her so much. I fucking hate her.”***


	11. Chapter 11

The boys returned home and had a chilled afternoon, what was left of it, before Gill called on Nicky. His brother had arranged a surprise tea for their parents and wanted Nicky to join them but Shane wasn’t up for socialising so he sent his love off to spend some time with his family so he could wallow in his pity. Once he had the house to himself Shane stuck some tunes on the stereo and pulled a can from the fridge. He sat on the sofa, playing on his phone and searched for Paige on Facebook, using the messenger link she’d used to send him the photos. Within minutes she’d accepted his friend request so he scanned her profile and saw the pictures of their nights out. He chuckled at her captions and hoped now she knew he was gay, she was getting over her crush. It didn’t bother him that she fancied him although he worried what bullshit Jodi was telling her. When he came across a photo of the girls at lunch today he huffed.   
‘You’ll be free for lunch every day soon, bitch!’

Ping! Messenger came up with a conversation from Paige showing off her sexy new dress with the caption ‘hot enough to pull? ;)’  
Shane chuckled again and sent her a thumbs up. ‘Stunning sweetheart, you’ll knock em dead.’ He didn’t see any harm in giving her the confidence she needed to find someone her own age. ‘Girls night again?’ he took a swig of his can until she replied. “Oh great!” he muttered when she declared who the girls were. Of course she was going out with Jodi and Sasha… ‘leaving Cobi at home again.’ He growled to himself. ‘Fuck sake.’  
Typing back a polite reply, Shane kept his cool. ‘Cool, have a great night.’  
‘Hungover today?’ she asked.  
‘Feeling better now thanks. Saw Cobi today.’ He began his conversation to see if Jodi had told her the truth.  
‘Brilliant. I saw Jodi myself. Did you spend time together?’  
‘I had him while she was with you.’  
‘what? She said he was with her mum… wtf’  
‘oh sorry Hun, don’t want you to think I’m shit stirring but he was deffo with me and Nicky.’ He sent the photo of himself and the boys.   
‘cute… weird she lied though.’  
‘she’s a private person, don’t worry about it. I guess her mum is babysitting tonight. I’ll let you get on it. I’ll await photos ;)’  
‘OK babe thanks xxx’  
Shane put his phone down and rubbed his chin as he contemplated his next move. He looked at the time and thought he’d fill himself with a chippy tea first then venture out on a mission. On his way to the closest fish shop he spotted Aoife behind the counter. He wasn’t sure it was her at first as he knew she’d previously had a good job but her boyfriend ran the joint under new management and she often helped out, Shane just hadn’t ever come across her. As soon as he stepped inside Aoife smiled.

“Hello, long time no see.” She gave him a welcome smile. “How are you? I didn’t know you were back in Sligo.”

“Yeah good thanks. I came back last year. How are you guys?”

“Well I don’t know about the psycho bitch but mam and I are grand.”

“Rhaiya? You’ve fallen out?” Shane wondered after Nicky had claimed Jodi will still in contact with her sister.

“Yeah months ago. She moved out of mams and we haven’t spoken since. Mam wants nothing to do with her. She took her sprog and fucked off.”

“You’re kidding? Are you sure?” his confused faced concerned Aoife. “Why did you fall out?”

“She told mam we were interfering with Cobi and that she could manage on her own… she’s changed her name in an attempt to avoid us. She’s completely disowned us.”

“She lives alone with Cobi? Fuck… so you have no idea where she lives now?”

“Why do you care? After what she did to you… she cheated on you and had another guy’s baby.”

“She told you that did she?” Shane chuckled and wiped his mouth as he sighed. 

“What do you mean?”

“Jodi works with my boyfriend and best friend… I know she has a kid but he’s… are you 100% sure she doesn’t speak to your mam?”

“Yes… Shane what’s going on? You know about her?”

“I’m suddenly not hungry, sorry. I have to go.” Without explaining himself Shane ran out of the shop and ran to Mark’s house; a 20 minute walk but just a 7 minute jog. He banged on his friends door and yelled to be answered. “Mark, open up man.”

Opening the door to an out of breath Shane, Mark immediately panicked. “What’s up?” Shane pushed passed him to get inside the warmth to explain. “Shane?”

“It’s Jodi… she’s been lying again.”

“About what? Go on through, Kian’s at work.”

Shane caught his breath then repeated what Aoife had told him. He went on to tell him about the drama earlier that day and asked his best friend what he should do.

“So she lives alone? Why would she lie about that?”

“Exactly and who is looking after my son every day if she isn’t? She’s out on the piss with Paige as we speak.”

“What do you want me to do?” Mark felt helpless and didn’t want to say too many things that could sound like he was giving her excuses. 

“I need her address.”

“Well I don’t have it! It’d be in Nicky’s files at work but you’d have to ask him for it on Monday. Not that I condone it. If he’s caught, he could lose his job.”

“Mark I need this ammunition against her. I need to know my son is safe.”

“Why wouldn’t he be? Just because it’s not her mum babysitting doesn’t mean he’s not safe.”

“You seem to forget how well I know this woman. Her own sister and mam want nothing to do with her and she’s been telling you and Nicky she still lives there. She knows I know where that is so why wouldn’t she say she’d moved out? She doesn’t know if I’d turn up at her mams or not. Something doesn’t feel right Mark, you have to trust me. She didn’t even tell Paige she’d got a baby when they met.”

Mark sighed and shrugged. “Mate if you don’t know the answers then I have no chance of guessing. Why don’t you go find them and ask her? Where’s Nicky anyway?”

“He’s at his parents. Adam’s planned something, I don’t wanna drag him away from it… do you have home access to work files?”

“Well I do but I’m not sure about Nicky… are you asking me to try and find her details right now?”

Shane looked at him in desperation. “I’m not asking Mark, I’m begging. You don’t owe me anything but please, if you care about me and Cobi, you’ll do this.” When Mark exhaled through his nose and shook his head at Shane before picking up his laptop. He felt he DID owe Shane something and although he hated breaking confidentiality, he thought it’d be easier to get away with at home than in the office. “Thank you.”  
***

Before leaving Mark’s an hour later, he checked Facebook to make sure Paige was still busy drinking with Jodi. He liked a photo she posted of the 3 of them sharing a fishbowl cocktail and tried not to worry about Jodi noticing his name pop up. He didn’t think she’d try to contact him online when she had his number now and he knew she’d not be able to see anything on his profile but he wanted her to know he was friends with Paige and was watching. He jumped into the cab waiting outside and gave the driver the address. It wasn’t far away but he really didn’t fancy walking in the cold. He paid the driver and told him to keep the change as he reluctantly stepped out onto Adelaide Street. There weren’t many houses on the street but those that were, were run down and some were boarded up.   
‘As if you move from Ballydoogan to this shit hole!’   
He sussed the area out and checked the house number. It was the only apartment in the converted flats with a light on so he crept up to the window and carefully peered inside. He could see Cobi sat in his cat bed crying as some random couple sat on the sofa, one drinking tinnies and smoking. ‘Bastards smoking with him in the room.’ He watched as the girl walked over to the boy, give him a teddy and his dummy. When he wasn’t happy with that she cradled him in her arms and gave him a kiss until he settled. It gave Shane some comfort to know he wasn’t being ignored but when the girl took Cobi to bed with a bottle in her hand, he waited to see what happened next. The man, around 30 years old pulled out a small bag from his back pocket and began to empty the powder onto the table, lining up. 

“You have got to be kidding me.” He watched as the guy snorted his line and wafted away the dust before his girlfriend returned back. It was almost as if she didn’t know he’d done it. “You are so fucking dead.” Making his way round to the back of the building, he found Cobi’s room. It was beautifully decorated and full of toys and colours, far removed from the scabby, basic lounge the babysitter was in. But he could see the single bed Jodi had for herself in the same room. He had mixed emotions about what he was seeing. On one hand Cobi seemed cared for by the girl and he had a lovely room to sleep in but on the other, the lounge looked so run down with a druggy inside it.   
“I’m here little man. Daddy’s gonna save you I promise.” He took a moment to look in the kitchen and noticed 4 empty wine bottles on the small dining table. He knew Jodi had always liked a red wine so he assumed they were hers as the babysitter was seen drinking coke from a can. ‘That’s one consolation I suppose.’   
All of a sudden she appeared in the room and clicked the switch on the kettle. When she opened the fridge, the insides were on full view and Shane’s stomach twisted as all he saw was cow’s milk, bananas, baby bottles and a couple of small pizza boxes. He stood back in case he was seen and closed his eyes.   
“Jesus Jodi… what are you doing to yourself?” He suddenly felt for his son’s mum. As far as he could assume, Jodi wasn’t living in a happy environment and he feared she’d been ill before the hyperthermia took hold because she was cold, undernourished, stressed and more than likely, living on wine. But his main priority was ensuring Cobi’s safety, not Jodi’s. He wanted to give the sitter the benefit of the doubt in her capability to take care of his son so he didn’t know what to do next. He went back to check on his son and saw him already zoned out in his cot when he suddenly heard voices. 

The girl was screaming profanities at her boyfriend, cursing him for using cocaine. Obviously he’d been caught out and she went ballistic, quite rightly. It caused a huge argument where she punched the man and told him to leave the house, pushing him towards the front door. She called an end to their relationship stating it was bad enough to do drugs in the first place but that she’d never entertain someone who was willing to use around a baby. Shane listened to every word and was somewhat happy with the girl’s morals. She was trying to protect his little boy and it put his mind at rest that at least she was trying her best. When he was confident the guy had left, he made his way round the front of the apartment again to see the neighbour’s light switch on. The old woman had heard the commotion and appeared out the entrance to her stairs up to her flat to knock on Jodi’s front door. He hid down the side of the house and listened to the ladies talking. 

“Is everything OK Andrea?” Mrs Hutchins asked. “I heard what happened.”

“Hi Mrs Hutchins. Yeah we’re fine thank you. Kevin has gone now. I can’t have people like that around Cobi… not that Jodi would care.”

“I’m sure she would darling. You did the right thing. Has she thrown all those wine bottles away yet?”

“Not today. There’s 4 this time and I know there was only 1 on Thursday night… and there’s another 5 in the pantry ready to drink.” Andrea told her. “You know what she’s like.”

“I don’t know what to do dear. I clean as much as I can during the week but Cobi needs attention too. He doesn’t cry for me, he’s a good boy but I do get a headache or two when she’s home with him.”

Shane swallowed the lump in his throat. Sounded to him like these two women were taking better care of his son than his own mother.

“Thing is Mrs Hutchins, I love that little boy and I couldn’t bear to see him go into care.”

“After what she did last time, I’m too afraid to call social services again. She knows it was me but I was just trying to help. She never has food in her house.”

“I know. The only stuff she does have is for Cobi though. So at least we know he’s getting looked after to some extent and I think we’re doing a good job, helping out. Despite the fact she owes me 2 weeks money. I just do it voluntary now and accept the money when I can.”

“It comforts me when she’s not home because I know it’s either you or me caring for him and he’s not crying. I’m not suggesting Jodi is harming the boy, I’ve never seen a scratch or bruise on him... but I’m afraid she does shout at him to stop crying a lot.”

“I know what happened before but she needs help. She’s clearly got postnatal depression still and if the dad wants nothing to do with him and she has no family, we’re all she has. That’s why I was fine cancelling my plans to babysit tonight. She needs a night out to let her hair down.”

Mrs Hutchins agreed and smiled. “Let me know if you need anything dear.”

“Thanks.” 

Shane was beside himself. He held back tears but felt assured his boy was in great hands for now. It was 10pm now and according to Paige’s timeline they were still in Sixth so he called a cab from the closest firm and made his way to collar them. He’d received a message from Nicky stating he was staying out late, catching up with his folks over a bottle of whiskey and rum so Shane bid him a good night and carried on with his own plan. He was so riled, he needed a pint mighty quick!


	12. Chapter 12

Arriving at the bar, Shane said hi to the bouncer and made his way in. He could already see the girls on the dancefloor so he went straight to the bar and ordered a fishbowl with 3 straws and a pint then took a photo of himself winking with the Guinness in his hand and sent it to Paige. He waited for her to notice the buzz of her mobile and watched as she pulled it from her bra. Her face lit up as she recognised the bar behind Shane and scanned the room for him in excitement. When she spotted him not far away she waved and ran to his side.

“Hey gorgeous.” Shane laughed at her drunken state as she threw her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. “Having a good night?”

“What are you doing here?”

“I was just in the area and thought I’d buy you ladies a drink.” He cocked his head at the cocktail and took a sip from his drink. 

“You are so cute!” she smiled. When she looked back round to Jodi and Sasha to wave them over she could tell Jodi wasn’t impressed. “Oh she doesn’t look happy to see you does she? Ha-ha… but I am!”

Shane put his hand on her back and kissed her head. “Ignore her! As long as you’re having a good time.”

“Yeah, we were about to leave but now we have another drink, we can stay. Come and dance with us.”

“No, I’m good thanks. I can’t stay.” 

Sasha dragged Jodi over to say hello but she didn’t speak first.

“Shane’s just bought us this.” Paige presented the girls with the fishbowl and excitedly danced on the spot. 

“Ever the gentleman!” Jodi snidely replied and faked a smile his way. “Where’s your lap dog tonight?”

Shane laughed and then gave her an evil stare. “With loving family… remember what that is?”

“What sort of a question is that?!”

“Well you don’t have any and the one person that shows any form of affection towards you is home while you piss your wages up the wall.” Shane bitched, not afraid of Sasha or Paige hearing but the girls weren’t listening and then reported to the ladies leaving Jodi to deal with him alone. 

“So I’m not allowed to enjoy myself once in a while?”

“What? While your mam babysits?” he asked with a familiar stare she knew too well. 

“What? Who said she was babysitting?”

“Well you live with her right so I figured it made the most sense.”

Jodi glared at him and bit her bottom lip. “Yeah, and? He’s safe.”

“Really?!” he knew she was lying and it was driving him insane. He tried to hold his tongue but he couldn’t hold it back any longer. “You are the most prolific, implausible fabricator I’ve ever met in my entire life.”

“What are you going on about? You complain about seeing your son and now you’re having a go at me for having fun. What is your problem?”

“You!” he yelled. 

“Oh yeah, I know. I’m infuriating, I know already.” Jodi waved her arms around then got in his face. “And you’re a pathetic, control freak.”

“Me?! You must be joking… how drunk are you?”

“Hmm… drunk enough to still know you’re an ungrateful prick. I knew I shouldn’t have let you see Cobi.”

“Are you actually fucking with me right now?! Everything you say is absolute bullshit Jodi. I know you don’t live with your mam and that you haven’t spoken to her for months and I know where you live and what kind of people are taking care of our son while you neglect yourself.”

Jodi began to shake as she panicked. “You know nothing about me anymore.” She denied he could know the truth even though he’d just said it. “Cobi is fine!”

“Yeah but only when you’re not there right?! Because all you do is drink and shout at my son to shut up. What kind of mother are you?!”

“Who’s feeding you this shit?”

Shane grabbed her arm to stop her stumbling around and growled at her. “You have until Monday to pack up Cobi’s stuff.”

“What? Why? What are you talking about?”

“Just do it. Unless you want me to get someone else to make you.”

“You can’t make me do anything. You don’t control me.” She spat in his face, shrugging him off her. She saw the serious stare in his eyes and failed to speak again. 

“If you just heard a single word I said to you, you’ll stop lying to me, take the easy way out and let him go.”

“Go where?” She argued, scared by what Shane was proposing. “You don’t want him anymore than I do!” she screamed and then realised what she’d said.

Shane’s blood suddenly ran cold as he clenched his fist. Only Jodi had the power to make him feel this way; the gut wrenching, heart aching, blood boiling or chilling, fury that made him want to lash out. He wasn’t a violent person and the only two times he’d striked out was when he slapped her and punched the box earlier on. Hearing her say she didn’t want their son, cut deeper than the knife she’d used.   
“What did you just say?!”

“Nothing I didn’t mean… I love him, it’s just hard. He doesn’t stop crying and there’s nothing I can do but leave him. He’s a relentless little shit, is it any wonder I drink? I can’t handle it. But you didn’t want him so I was stuck with it.”

“It?! Jesus Christ… I never said I didn’t want him I just didn’t believe you were pregnant because you’re a fucked up bitch. Fuck sake Jodi, can you possibly be a bigger… argh! No wonder your mam wants nothing to do with you.” Shane could see people around them looking over as they heard him call her names so he put his arm around her and whispered calmly in her ear. “Kiss goodbye to your son tonight because you are never going to see him again.” Instead of drinking the last quarter of his pint, he tilted the glass and poured the contents down Jodi’s chest making her gasp. “Oh dear, maybe you should go home and change… and not come back!”

Jodi was stunned by Shane’s behaviour and felt almost scared. She knew he’d never physically hurt her but she also knew the things he was doing to upset her had been well deserved so she didn’t complain or make a scene. “Are you seriously going to take him away from me?” she asked with tears forming, ignoring the Guinness soaking through her dress. 

“You’re not fit to be a mother… consider it further punishment.” He told her in a normal tone.

“Punishment?! Do you really hate me that much that you need to hurt me like this? Did you ever love me?”

Shane clenched his jaw tight and fought back his own emotions as he stared at her. “Do you really think you’d be stood here right now if I hadn’t loved you?”   
There was nothing but hate left for her but he could remember a time when he’d forgive her for everything and it killed him to be stood so close to her now, promising to do everything in his power to personally punish her for every lie and every action she’d ever made. But he knew she was still unhinged and if it wasn’t for Cobi, he’d be running a mile. He had no interest in helping her anymore, he just needed to keep his baby safe. Having heard what Andrea and Mrs Hutchins said, made him more determined to hurry up and get his son away from his mother.   
“But I’ve never hated someone so much I’ve actually wanted to slowly and painfully hurt them either and you make me feel so sick, I need you out of my life for good and out of my son’s life too. You’re beyond help Rhaiya… Cobi deserves better.”

Jodi let her tears fall and nodded in agreement. “I tried Shane, I did… he’s so special, I love him so much, he’s got everything he needs in order for me to have nothing. Everything I do, it’s for him. You should see his bedroom, it’s beautiful and he’s got everything he needs but…”

“I’ve seen it, trust me I know what state you live in and the only nice thing about it is his room, I’ll give you that but it’s not enough… please just let me take him. I promise he’ll be safe and happy with us.” Shane’s watery eyes begged Jodi’s as he held her hands in front of him. “I’m sorry I have to do this to you but it’s for the best.”

Jodi squeezed his hands and stared into his eyes. “I’m so sorry Shane. I never meant to hurt you… I just want you to be happy… I thought I could try again with Cobi and make him happy but I can’t. He hates me just as much as you do!” she sobbed, dropping her head on his chest. “I’m so sorry.”

Shane felt nauseated by her touch and wanted to push her away but he forced himself to push through it in respect for the moment. For a split second he felt he was the one in the wrong, the one that needed punishing, the abuser but he knew deep down no matter how hard Jodi was hurting right now, it’d all be worth the pain for them both in the end. Eventually, Shane lifted her away.   
“I have to go… I can’t do this here. I’m sorry. I’ll be round in the morning.” Gently shuffling Jodi to the side, Shane made his escape and ran out of the bar before he burst into tears. He took a deep breath and sparked up a cigarette before making his way home over the bridge.  
When Paige and Sasha finally made it back they asked where Shane had gone and why her dress was drenched. Jodi wiped her tears and snapped out of her downer, claiming someone had pushed Shane into her and he’d accidently spilt his drink down her. She explained that he had to shoot off to meet Nicky in a cab outside and lied about her tears, insisting they were happy tears after Shane had shared a moment with her about Cobi. Paige fell for every word and gave her a hug, vowing to continue their night with more alcohol, laughs and incriminating photos.  
***

As Shane opened the door and entered, Nicky’s taxi pulled up but the brunette didn’t notice and shut the door behind him. He sat down on the steps and held his head in his hands. With tears making tracks down his cheeks he jumped as Nicky followed him in. 

“Where have you been?” Nicky asked, unaware his man was upset until Shane looked up at him and gave the game away. “Hey, what’s wrong?” Nicky locked the door and placed his jacket on a hook before crouching down to Shane’s level. “Shay?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what? What’s happened?”

“I’m gonna kill her Nicky… I actually want to kill her.” Shane wiped his nose and eyes on his cuff and frowned at the blonde.

“Why? What’s she done now?”

“I’m such an idiot. Why didn’t I just believe her in the first place?”

“Oh god, I don’t like the sound of this. Come on, let’s go upstairs.” When Shane shook his head and refused to stand up, Nicky worried something bad had happened or another lie had destroyed him. “Shane, you’re scaring me now, what’s going on?”

“I had to know the truth… Aoife told me she… I went to see Mark and he gave me details so I went there and… she lied Nicky… she doesn’t, she…”

“What? I need more than that to go on.” He chuckled. “Hey, look at me… just skip to the end.”

“I’m bringing Cobi home in the morning.”

“OK that’s great. We’ll have a great day just the 3 of us. What’s the problem?”

“He’s never going back.” Shane looked Nicky in the eye and sighed. “I don’t have a choice Nicky. I’m picking him up and she is never going near him again.”

“Please tell me she hasn’t hurt him?”

“I don’t think so… but if I don’t get him out of there then I’ll end up hurting her… and she won’t live to tell the tale.”

“Right… OK… we need to go upstairs and you need to tell me exactly what is going on and what Mark has to do with it.” Nicky lifted Shane from the step and ushered him upstairs so he could hear the full story even though he didn’t think he wanted to hear it. 

“Nicky, promise me something.” He stopped in the corridor and held Nicky’s hands up to his chest. “Promise me you’re up for this. I have to know I have you by my side… you and me, with a baby… promise me you won’t bail on us.”

“Of course I won’t. I want this as much as you do. I love you so much. I can’t wait to have kids and this baby is already yours… I’m not going anywhere. I promise.” He leaned in to kiss Shane and let go of his hands to hug him. “It’s gonna be OK, I promise. Whatever’s happened, we’ll get through it together. You’re not alone in this anymore.”

“Good… so I best explain then.”

“Are we gonna need a beer for this?” the cheeky blonde grinned.

“Best make it vodka!” Shane replied with an equally cute smirk on his face as they entered the lounge for him to admit his actions in Nicky’s absence.  
***

Shane was awake all night. He’d discussed what was going to happen with Nicky over a vodka or two but after the blonde's tiring family night, he was soon falling asleep in Shane’s arms. Lying in bed, staring the ceiling, the new daddy wondered how he was going to pull this off. He’s just told Jodi he’d be round to pick up his son in the morning and she agreed with it. But where would the boy sleep? There wasn’t a lot of space in the lad’s house as it was and what about their Paris trip next weekend? He knew they couldn’t take Cobi with them because he hadn’t got a passport and wasn’t paid for but he felt guilty at the thought of leaving him behind for his family to take care of... And he couldn’t let Nicky down either by not going. He weighed up his options and banked his ideas to discuss with Nicky in the morning.

At 7am, Shane couldn’t take it any longer. He slipped out of bed trying not to wake Nicky and pulled his jeans on. Had did his usual morning routine in the bathroom and proceeded to make some cereal and coffee. His nerves were causing his hands to shake as he poured his milk so he took a deep breath and closed his eyes.  
'You can do this Filan. It’s for the best.’ It had only been a couple of weeks since he found out the boy belonged to him and now he was planning to be a full time dad to a nearly 9 month old child, completely unprepared and scared to death.   
'The finer details can be sorted later. Relax. Cobi needs to be with family that want him around. I want him around every second. Him, me and Nicky. A family. My family. Our family... Shit I can’t forget the thing for thing while we’re away!' Shane waffled to himself as he stirred his drink and gazed into nothingness until he felt his mobile vibrate in his pocket. 

“Morning Mam... Yeah I’m up, why? Oh dear... Well not really, I have commitments this morning... No it’s not work it’s more important than that... Huh, yeah I can ask him but he might be hungover... Let me go ask him, hold on.” Shane crept into the bedroom and sat on the bed, slowly waking Nicky by rubbing his finger over his cheek. “Nico babe...” 

“Hmm, what?” Nicky groaned, turning over to face Shane without opening his eyes. 

“Can you do me a massive favour and help Mam in the café this morning please? She’s literally desperate but I need to go to Jodi’s before she makes a run for it.”

“Me?!” the blonde squinted trying to see his man’s face. “I’ve never used a till in my life.”

“You don’t have to. Just be a waiter and wash some pots for a few hours. Mam wouldn’t ask me unless she was stuck and I wouldn’t ask you in my place unless I really couldn’t do it.”

“Sure, OK. I’ll be there A-Sap.” Nicky rubbed his face and crawled out of bed. 

“Mam? Nick will be there in half an hour. I’ll be over as soon as I can get there but I’m not sure what time... OK that’s great, thanks... See you later, bye... Mam will have breakfast ready for ya. It doesn’t get busy until 9 on a Sunday so there’s time to eat and show you what to do.”

“Are you sure you wanna go face Jodi again on your own?”

“It’s probably best to be honest. I need to say whatever I feel I need to and get it out of my system. I just want to get our son as far away from that psycho as fast as possible. We’ll worry about the rest later.”

“OK. Come straight to the café though yeah?” Nicky kissed his man as he shuffled by him to style his hair in the mirror. “I’m kinda guessing we should move to the cottage though. At least he’ll have his own room there.”

Shane smiled at his beauty. “You’re so grand Nico. I was thinking the same thing but I didn’t want to ask. I know this is our home but...”

“Shane it’s just a shitty flat above a tanning studio. It has 4 rooms on one floor. It’s barely big enough for us two. I don’t have a problem moving to the yard for Cobi’s sake. Plus... I’ll get to see Austin every day and Harley gets to see you.” 

Shane loved how much Nicky cared for his own horse. He couldn’t wait to sit Cobi on his first pony but since their toddler friendly Shetland Jade had passed on of old age, the family hadn’t replaced her as Mae and Peter’s other grandchildren grew up, able to ride the bigger stable ponies. But there was plenty of time to find Cobi his first pony. He was only just crawling so Shane figured a rocking horse would suffice for now.  
When both boys were ready to go, Shane drove Nicky to work and then made his way back over to Jodi’s house. It was only 7:45am and he wasn’t expecting Jodi to be bushy tailed but neither was he expecting what he found on his arrival.   
***

Shane braced himself as he approached the flat. He peered through the windows before knocking and as no one was around so early on God’s day, no one saw him lurking. The curtains hadn’t been closed so he could directly see Jodi half hanging off the sofa with a wine bottle resting by her hand. There was a torn up magazine on the floor by the table and the TV had a huge crack down the centre of it. Moving round the back of the building, he looked into the kitchen. There he noticed empty baby bottles waiting to be washed in the sink, a half-eaten kebab on the table and another 2 wine bottles to her collection. This meant she’d gone through 3 more since he was there just hours ago and it made him feel sick.   
‘Fuck sake, she was wasted in the pub already! Suppose it’s understandable this time, given the fact she knew I was coming for Cobi.’  
He shuffled to the next window to see Cobi sat up in his cot looking bored but quiet as he suckled his dummy. He tapped on the window for his attention and when the boy saw his daddy waving at him, he smiled and attempted a wave of his own. The little boy’s face lit up. He recognised his daddy and couldn’t work out why he was outside.  
‘At least he’s not crying.’ But he spoke too soon. Cobi knew it was time to get up and he wanted his mammy to feed him so he began to shout. Shane went straight round to the front door and knocked on the door but he could see Jodi wasn’t moving. He continued to bang on the door and shout through the letterbox but she wouldn’t budge. Not even with Cobi trying too. After 5 minutes Mrs Hutchins appeared, wrapped up warm ready to go to church. She asked if there was a problem.

“Hi, yeah I’m trying to wake Jodi but she’s not budging. I’m here to pick up my son.” Shane explained.

Mrs Hutchins was pleasantly surprised to learn the boy had a dad after all. “Really? Oh that’s wonderful. She said the lad didn’t have a dad… is access a new thing for you?”

“Oh yes, it’s still fresh, trust me but don’t worry, he won’t be around to bother you anymore.” Shane felt he was being rude so he gave the old lady some admiration. “Mrs Hutchins isn’t it?” she nodded. “Huh, I just want to thank you for looking after my son. I was here last night and I heard you talking to Andrea, the baby sitter? I heard everything and I went to find Jodi. She’s agreed it’s best I take Cobi into my care. If I’d known anything about her having my son, he would have been safe a long time ago. Jodi isn’t mentally stable and I’m sorry you’ve had to take the flack for that.”  
“Oh sweetheart, I’ve enjoyed every minute of looking after that boy. He’s an absolute joy. I agree Jodi has some issues and I’m glad you can help. Can I just suggest something if you don’t mind? If it’s not too rude.”

“Of course ma’am.”

“If you’re local could you maybe allow Andrea to say goodbye to him at some point. She’s been a god send to that boy and she loves him like her own. She’d be ever so upset if she didn’t get to see him again. She wasn’t caring for him for the money even though it was her job.”

“Of course. I’ll be sure to get her number and let her know she’s welcome to visit whenever she likes. She can remain his sitter if she likes. I trust her if you do. And I’ll be sure to pay her over the going rate for it.” Shane smiled at the old lady. “I know you don’t have to believe me but I am his dad and I really need to get inside. Do you have a key?”

“He looks just like you. Do you have any proof of who you are?”

“Absolutely.” He pulled out his mobile and scanned through all the pictures, explaining who all his friends were. “See this girl here with us, that’s Paige. She’s friends with Jodi look.” He showed her the one of the girls in the club. 

“Is she your girlfriend?”

Shane wanted to be honest about his sexuality but knew this church goer might not approve and he didn’t want to lose any brownie points before he gained access so he fibbed. “I wish, ha-ha. She’s stunning and a lovely girl but we’re just friends. But I have two homes, I manage Fairways down Castle Street and I have more than enough money to ensure Cobi has the best start to living with me and my family. If you wish to see him again, I can visit or we can meet up. You’ve been there for Jodi when I didn’t know I needed to be. To be honest she’s destroyed my life but Cobi is the most important thing in it and I don’t want to upset anyone by taking him away.”

Mrs Hutchins cupped Shane’s hands and gave him a caring nod. “I’d like to see him now and again, that’d be lovely, thank you dear. I must be getting to church though. I’ll give you this in good faith and if anything happens I won’t hesitate to give a full statement.” She winked referring to the guarda as she handed Shane the spare key to Jodi’s front door. “And your name dear?”

“Shane Filan. Me mam runs the Carlton Café and my brother Finbarr runs Carlton Livery yard. I’m genuine, I promise. Here’s my number. Give me a call later and I can let you know he’s safe.”

The lady studied his business card and felt confident Shane was telling the truth and wished him good luck before shuffling off to church. Shane took a deep breath and turned the key to her door. As he stepped inside an unbelievable stench of wine wafted up his nose. It smelt worse than a brewery and the carpet showed more stains than its original grey colour. He crept through the flat, making his way into the lounge to check Jodi was breathing. She was in a deep sleep but appeared unharmed as he trod on broken glass. Her wine glass had fallen, so he assumed, and smashed, leaving shards on the table and floor. He rolled his eyes and carefully picked up the pieces, placing them in the kitchen bin.   
The kitchen was cold and musty. He saw a huge mould patch above the back door and the grime on the kitchen windowsill. He shook his head and exhaled deeply through his nose as he held back tears forming. Jodi had always been house proud before. The conditions she was living in was so far removed from her usual standards, Shane couldn’t believe his eyes. It confirmed her struggles and a part of him wanted to help her too. Yes he hated her but this was the mother of his son and he wasn’t a bad person. He thought back to the day she wounded him and wondered how different things could have been. He didn’t imagine himself without Nicky now but he beat himself up over how he handled the end of their relationship and wished he’d believed her pregnancy was real. But why the wrappers and hashtag?! He still hadn’t asked about his suspicions but felt it didn’t really matter anymore. 

Looking through the cupboards, he saw plenty of crockery but very few tins of food. The fridge was still empty but there was a stash of pot noodles on a shelf and lots of formula for Cobi. Knowing his boy was her priority made it slightly less painful but he hated that she was struggling so bad to feed herself. No wonder she was tired, ill and frustrated with him all the time when she couldn’t find the strength to sooth his crying. He looked at the mail on her side board and dared to read through her private bills. 

There was the usual bills for gas, electric and rent - none of which were paid up to date, an out of date prescription for antipsychotic drugs and some papers scrawled in her own writing. Some were full of budgeting maths, another had a list of what essentials Cobi needed from town and another had IOU’s on it. Andrea was now owed over 230 euros. Shane promised himself to make sure she was paid and buy her a gift to thank her. He just needed to make sure he got her number from Jodi so when he saw her phone on the table he flicked through it to find it. Her gallery was full of photos of Cobi but there was no stored texts or outgoing calls on her log to anyone other than work and Andrea. She hadn’t even got her mother and sisters numbers anymore. It made him sad to know she was alone. He understood how she’d got into that state but still felt for her. He had loved her once and despite harbouring his negatives feelings towards her, a piece of him broke as he looked down at her sleeping. 

“What happened to you Rhaiya?!” he sniffed and turned away before he let his guard down. 

He walked into the bedroom where Cobi had fallen back to sleep with his twinkling mobile spinning so he pulled the door to and re-entered the lounge. There was a sparse bookshelf in the corner of the living room so he wandered over to check out his findings. There were a few baby books Jodi had bought for Cobi amongst some of her own reads, namely celebrity autobiographies and a series of Harry Potter novels but down one side of a framed photo of the new born was a photo album. Shane pulled it out and began to flick through the pages. He’d seen these photos before… he was in them! The first was of Jodi and her old drinking friend from the first night she’d met Shane but the next few were of him and her when they first started dating. He frowned at how much they’d both changed in just 3 years, both then looking so healthy and wrinkle free. Jodi was 2 sizes bigger and her cheeks were full with a rosy glow as her smile brightened her face. He remembered thinking at the time how beautiful she was and how happy they’d been. As he carried on looking, every memory he had was there in pictures. She’d kept every single one and not a single sign of Shane’s abuse was found as they smiled together and posed with friends and family. On the last page was a larger print and it made him lose his breath. 

“Oh Jodi.” He shook his head and let a tear fall down his cheek. “I’m so sorry.”

The 7x8 print was of Jodi; a selfie of her sat against the hospital bed headboard with mascara down her face. The caption beneath it said ‘Game over. #Regrets.’ The pain and repentance in her eyes was more evident than ever. Her complexion was dull, her eyes shallow and her cheek bones sunken. She didn’t look much different now without her make up except for being even slimmer. Seeing how happy they’d once been stung him. All he’d ever wanted back then was for her to be happy and loved. He’d tried so hard and got nothing in return but agony. He slipped the album back into place and sighed as he watched her sleeping on the sofa. He knew he had to wake her up but didn’t know to without startling her.

Slowly crouching down by the side of her, he removed the bottle and placed it on the table out of the way and then quietly whispered to her. “Jodi… babe wake up… Jodi. It’s Shane…Jodi.” He gently rubbed her shoulder in a hope she stirred and continued to say her name. 

Suddenly she sprung to life and in a reflex to being scared by a stranger’s touch she lashed out and punched Shane in the face, making his nose bleed instantly. “Ahh! Fuck, shit… what are you doing here?” she sat up covering her mouth with her hands in shock. 

“Ow, Christ!” Shane held his nose and saw the blood on his fingers. “Great!” he sighed. “Thanks.”

“What did you expect?! How did you get in?”

“Mrs Hutchins… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” He hissed as he wiped the blood from his nostrils with his coat cuff. 

“I’m sorry, it was just an impulse.” Jodi apologised, sincerely sorry for hurting him again. “I’ll get you a damp cloth.” She said, rushing to find a flannel to warm up for him. “Is Cobi awake?”

“He was when I got here but he’s asleep again now… thanks.” He held the wet material to his nose to sooth the pain. “You were out for the count. Sorry I’m early.”

“It’s fine. Just take him and go.” She said, slumping down on the kitchen chair and stretching over the table in her hungover state. “Just get lost.”

“Jodi?! We need to talk about it.”

“No we don’t. Just take whatever you need and leave me alone. Don’t make this more painful than it has to be.” 

Shane took a deep breath and threw his bloody cloth in the sink. “Grow up. Look at me, now!” he pulled her shoulder for attention and stared at her. “You think this is easy for me?”

Jodi didn’t even attempt to hold back her emotions as she broke down in tears immediately, turning to look at him. “It’ll be easier for you than me. I have nothing left worth living for… I don’t want to be here anymore. You have everything. Your perfect life, perfect job and boyfriend… I have nothing and no one. The only two people that care are only around for Cobi not me.”

Not holding back, Shane told her exactly what he thought. “Well you hardly help yourself do you!? You were given chance after chance to sort yourself out and then throw it all back in your mam’s face just like you did me.”

“Yeah because I’m worthless Shane. I’ve never been good enough for anything.”

“Don’t you dare play the ‘woe me’ card on me. I put up with so much shit from you, trying to bring you back to life. To the Rhaiya I met and fell in love with. You didn’t even change your name over me, it was to avoid your family.”

“Who told you all this stuff?”

“It doesn’t matter who it was. I’m more angry it wasn’t you.” Shane rubbed his face and leaned back against the sink unit. “I’m not going over old ground again, what’s done is done. I’m more interested in now.”

“Nicky hates me for what I did to you. If he’d known he’d have left me to die.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, he’s not that kinda guy, despite me wishing he was in that moment.” He admitted his harsh thoughts. 

“You really wished I’d died don’t you? Do you really hate me that much?” Jodi’s lip quivered as tears streamed from her eyes. “Do you really want to punish me for the rest of my life?”

“No, I’m not punishing you, I’m trying to help you. You can’t look after a baby Jodi. You can’t even look after yourself. Look at the state of this place and of you. You’re not coping.”

“Because I hurt you… I hurt you and I lost you… I told you, I was trying to make up for it by loving Cobi enough for the both of us but I’m only one person… I still don’t forgive myself for what I did so how can I expect you to?”

“You have no idea how sorry I am for denying you were pregnant but it didn’t add up and you needed serious help. I thought it was the best thing for you…” he tried to apologise but didn’t know what to say that hadn’t already been said. “Of course I care about you. You’re the mother of my child. It doesn’t matter what happened before, I’m here right now and I want to do what’s right for all of us.”

“So I’m supposed to see this as some kind of deliverance to pull myself out of being an alcoholic waster?!”

Shane raised his brow at her and was proud she’d admitted her fault. “The first step is to admit it and you just have. If social services heard you admit to being an alcoholic they’d take him off us. I don’t want to lose him either. This way at least in the future when you’re really at peace and getting on with your life, you can be a part of his life.”

“You’re not going to shut me out? Why would you want me around?”

“It won’t be for a long time yet and not until I know and trust you’re well enough. It could take years but I’d never stop you from being in contact. I like to think I’m a decent enough guy to be civil. Jodi for god sake I used to love you so much… we have Cobi now, I can’t ever shut you out completely no matter how much it hurts.”

Jodi nodded and wiped her tears. She moved from the kitchen back into the lounge and sat on the sofa. Shane followed and sat beside her trying to stay calm. “What am I supposed to do now?”

“Maybe you should think about admitting yourself back into rehab.”

“Oh yeah with what? I can’t afford food let alone treatment.”

“I’ll pay for it.” He surprised even himself by jumping in the offer but if it meant getting her off his back while Cobi settled in then money wasn’t an issue.

“Why would you do that? You don’t owe me anything.”

“Maybe not but I feel responsible for your struggle so I want to help. Please let me do this one last thing for you Jodi.” Shane held her hand in his and looked at her with empathy. “I knew you before all this started and you were so full of life and beauty. You’ve given me the most precious gift in Cobi and I just want him to see that amazing woman I once knew. I want him to understand why I fell in love with you and not be able to ever remember the bad you. He won’t remember any of this babe, you have plenty of time to really feel better and come to peace with everything.”

Jodi felt a lump form in her throat and sniffed with a smile. “Can you understand why I went so crazy? You’re the most amazing guy Shane, I was so besotted with you. I was so scared of losing you and I…”

“I know, it’s OK… I understand. Of course I was angry and scared when I saw you but if it wasn’t for Nicky giving you a chance and making me see you were at least trying then I wouldn’t be here. When I came round last night I was fuming. Seeing and hearing what I did... I wanted to kill you when I got home from Sixth. Nicky thought I’d done something stupid already.”

Jodi stared into Shane’s eyes finally feeling at ease with him. Yes things were bad but she felt she could finally be honest. “I was OK when I left rehab. I felt so happy and excited to be having Cobi but once he was here it got harder. My mam kept telling me I was doing everything wrong. I was reading baby guides and devoting every second to him. It took a while to shift the baby weight but I looked and felt healthy. Like myself again.” She paused to look away for a second and swallowed the lump in her throat as Shane squeezed her hand. “Aoife was great with him. She used to look after him on my day off so I could catch up on sleep or laundry and stuff but Mam just kept interfering and telling me I needed a job to provide for him. So I started at the agency and did a month or so to get a deposit to move out. By the time I found this dump I’d fallen out with her big style and just managed alone. Then I started at the council and it was about 3 weeks until I met Mark. I could tell straight away he didn’t like me but I didn’t know why.”

Shane smirked at her. “He can be funny sometimes I know but he didn’t know who you were. He just had a gut feeling about something. But Nicky liked you. He enjoyed working with you and you were there during his worst fear. He was so beside himself when he thought you weren’t gonna make it.”

“Then I ruined it by being me. He kept saying his boyfriend had been through a bad time and if he ever got his hands on whoever he’d skin them. But I didn’t for a second think it was you or me involved. Yeah I felt bad knowing you’d feel the same way over me but if I’d worked it out... He always calls you Shay.”

“You weren’t to know I was batting for the other team.”

“Did I put you off women?” she asked with a serious face.

Shane chuckled and shook his head. “Of course not. Nicky was just a bolt from the blue. It all happened so quickly for us, neither of us knew what was going on. I never imagined I’d kiss a guy let alone fall in love with one. He’s so special and I’d be lost without him.”

“I know I was a bitch about Mark being gay and I’m so sorry for causing you to fall out. I’m so glad you’re friends again. But I’m not a homophobe Shane. I don’t even know what that was all about. Just jealousy I suppose... You and Nicky are perfect together and he knows how lucky he is to have you... I know he adores our son.”

Shane nodded and added his other hand to their grasp. “Thank you.”

“I mean it... So what’s next for you guys? You already live together right?”

“Yeah it wasn’t initially a conscious move but we’re happy. We’re going to move into the cottage at the yard for now so Cobi has plenty of space.”

“Aww he’ll love that. He loves animals. Get him a cat! He loves cats.”

Shane laughed and nodded. “OK he can have a cat that’s fine. Of course he’ll have his own Shetland one day too.”

“Obviously.” She smiled, cheering up slightly. “He’s going to have the best life with you Shane, I know he is. I wish I didn’t have to give him up but I know it’s the right thing to do.”

“I’m going to support you too... But you have to promise to try harder this time and stop lying to me. I can’t keep going round in circles.”

“You don’t have to support me, it’s not your job, but thank you. I don’t deserve this.” Jodi dropped her chin and tried not to cry again. “Keep hold of the key. Come and go as you please until you have everything you need. I’ll be at work tomorrow anyway... With Nicky.”

“Thanks. I’ve taken Andrea’s number from your phone so I can call her. Mrs Hutchins said she’d like to say goodbye but if you think it’s a good idea I’d be happy for her to remain his sitter. I can’t keep relying on my mam and family.”

“She’d like that. She’s a star. I know her boyfriend is dodgy but she said they split up last night.”

“Yeah I wanted to kill him too.” He grinned and then let out a sigh as Cobi shouted for his mammy. “I’ll go get him.”  
***


	13. Chapter 13

9am came round fast for Nicky despite there not been many a customer yet. He’d had a chit chat with Mae and put the world to rights as he worried about Shane. He openly explained where her son was and although she worried too, she trusted her youngest was doing the right thing. She felt it was best they moved to the cottage and offered to care to the boy while his daddy’s took their trip to Paris. Nicky hadn’t dared to ask too many questions about if they were still going but he hoped Shane would trust his family for all of a few days so they could enjoy their long planned get away before plunging feet first into fatherhood.   
They had their Valentine’s gig on Friday then they were due to fly Sunday morning at 12:45am giving them all day, after a short kip, and all night then all day Monday in the city of love before flying home at 11pm and landing back in England early hours of Tuesday. It was just a short night away but at the time it was all Nicky could afford and he’d got a gorgeous hotel booked with breakfast included both days so he was excited to see a few romantic sights with his man. 

When Shane had finished feeding his son his breakfast while Jodi took a shower he took the boy to his room and looked through his wardrobe for something cute to wear. There were so many clothes stuffed in his drawers Shane didn’t know where to start. He figured he’d be packing it all up anyway so he pulled items out and cooed over the adorable, tiny jeans and t-shirts. He picked up a blue, long sleeve top and read the caption on the front which made him smile.   
'Daddy loves me and I love Daddy... Pfft how ironic when he’s never had a dad til now!'  
He decided today was the day his son would wear it, teamed with some funky jeans and dinosaur socks. Shane noticed a pair of Nike trainers inside his sock drawer. They were pristine as if never worn, more for show than practical bring as Cobi was only crawling and certainly didn’t need flash shoes yet. But they were too adorable not to put on.   
'Bet they cost a bomb too.’  
Just as the brunette turned around to pick Cobi back out of the cot, Jodi entered the room wrapped in just a short towel around her chest. 

“Oh god, I didn’t know you were in here.” Jodi jumped, holding her towel close to her crotch so it didn’t daft open to reveal the no longer appealing genitals she had for her ex. 

“Sorry I was just getting him changed. I can go...”

Jodi nodded quickly, embarrassed to be showing far too much skin. Although a part of her wished she could have just one last time with Shane, she knew he wouldn’t find her slender body attractive anymore and she had far too many scars she didn’t want to reveal. Cobi remained in his cot while she got herself covered up and Shane took the time to go to the toilet. She could see the drawers had been opened but when she noticed the baby Nike trainers ready to be worn she frowned. They’d been the first thing she bought when she knew the sex of the baby and due to the sentimental value she decided to keep them for herself and request her son wore something else on his feet. She felt that material of the t-shirt and smiled. It was brand new and one of the things she’d bought during her trip to Penny’s that first time Shane cared for her son so Shane’s assumptions of it being an earlier purchase had been wrong. 

Once clothed herself Jodi picked Cobi out of his crib and gave him a kiss. “I love you so much. Mwah... I’m going to miss you so much little man. But it’s going to be OK, I promise. Daddy is going to love you now and keep you safe... But I’ll be back before you know it.”

Taking a moment to himself Shane stared at his reflexion in the mirror. He was scared but excited to know when he left the dingy house he’d have his son in his arms. He’d promised to support Jodi now too which made him feel better in taking Cobi away from her but he still felt bad as well. He bowed his head and took a long, deep breath to compose himself and then returned to the bedroom, hoping Jodi was fully clothed. Seeing her half naked hadn’t made a tiny impact on him. He didn’t find her attractive anymore and that knowledge alone made him happy. Although he’d once loved the bones of her, he now just saw a person he used to know and love inside a fragile shell. 

“So I guess we should gather some things so I can get going.” Shane announced from the doorway.   
Jodi silently nodded in agreement and placed the trainers on her bed.   
“Is there anything you don’t want me to take?”

“Yeah... Um... Just don’t take anything from his bottom drawer or from the top shelf of the unit. It’s all special old things I’ve kept... I’ll collect everything I want later so when you return you can take anything else.”

“No problem. So just clothes for his age and... Does he have any favourite toys?”

“Fluffy monkey. He can’t sleep at night without him. Do you need the crib today?”

“Actually no. Mairead has a travel cot at mam’s I can borrow. I’ll pick up the cot tomorrow after work. I’m going to take Cobi in with me in the morning then mam will have him for the afternoon.”

“OK I’ll dismantle it later. I’ll go get the formula and bottles for you.” 

Pulling a bag for life out from the kitchen cupboard, Jodi buckled. It was sinking in that she was packing up her son’s belongings and it was too much. Talking about it and doing it were two very different things. Her heart was aching and she couldn’t bring herself to fill the bag. Collapsing to the cold, hard tiles, she sat on the floor and sobbed, holding her head in her hands as her elbows rested on her bent up knees. As Shane followed to ask a question about Cobi’s diapers, he saw the crying mother and crouched down to her level.

“Hey, it’s Ok... There’s no rush.” He told her but she didn’t reply and continued to wipe the streams from her cheeks. “Oh Jodi, please don’t... I can’t do this if you’re inconsolable before we leave.”

“I’m sorry. I just can’t do it. I can’t pack it up and... Please can you?”

Shane’s eyes began to water as he watched his ex cry a river. “Sure... Jodi look at me... I’m so sorry.”

“You and me both.” She forced a smile as she looked up at him. “Just go. Please just go, I can’t take this any longer. Please just hurry up and go.” Her tears were uncontrollable as her body jolted, begging for it all to be over. Waiting for the inevitable was killing her and she was desperate to crack open a bottle of wine to down in one no matter how early in the day it was.

Shane let a tear fall from his own eye. He hated being the one to cause so much heart ache but he knew he was doing the right thing and he knew it wouldn’t be easy but he was so close now. There was no going back.   
“Jodi, don’t do this please, this is killing me too.”

“No it’s not!” she spat back at him in anger. “You get our son and I get nothing but an empty house... I get nothing and it’s all my fault... It’s all my fault.”

Sitting beside her, Shane wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in for a hug. He held her close and allowed her cries to soak his chest. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d consoled her this way but knew the time was right to try again.   
“It’s gonna be all right... I promise.”   
He kissed her head and rested his cheek on her for a moment as he closed his eyes. He felt a rush of blood sweep through his limbs while he touched her but this time it wasn’t fearful. In that moment he didn’t feel threatened anymore. He knew Jodi was broken but he trusted her in her vulnerable state not to cause him anymore harm. She was the one in pain; emotionally, mentally and physically as her hungry, frail body shook in his arms.  
“Sshh, it’s OK Care Bear.”   
‘Jesus I haven’t called her that since... This is so fucked up.’

When Jodi heard him call her that she pulled back and stared at him. “I can’t believe you just said that.”

“Sorry. It just came out.” He chuckled.

“It’s a good thing though right?” she hoped.

“Yeah I guess so.” He smiled.

“I know it’s just a name but I haven’t heard you call me that for so long... Not since... Since I ruined everything the first time.”

“See, we’re making progress already.”

“Does it mean you don’t hate me anymore?”

Shane knew he’d made a mistake letting her former pet name slip through his lips as he’d only used it when they first got together and as soon as she’d hurt him the first time it hadn’t been repeated. It seemed to have lost its meaning back then so he accepted it was a good thing and allowed himself to let go of some of the anger he’d stored inside himself and he felt so much lighter for it.   
“I don’t think I have the energy to hate you anymore.”

Jodi smiled and stroked his cheek. “Thank you... God I’ve missed you.”

Although he felt awkward and didn’t really feel the same, Shane allowed her a moment before taking her hand from his face and kissing her palm. “Everything will get easier I promise. We’ll get through this.”

Jodi agreed with a nod and licked away the salty tears from her lips. “I know. Sorry.” She wiped her face and climbed to her feet. “Right... Bottles.” 

Shane stood and watched as she pulled herself together, trying to help set them on their way but he could see she was still shaking so he placed his hand on her neck and told her to stop for a moment. “Rhaiya... I know you loved me OK? I know everything you did was because you loved me... And I forgive you now. I choose to forgive you and I want to move on as parents and as friends... I used to love you too remember.”

Jodi’s eyes closed as a wash of relief showered over her. That’s all she’d ever needed; to hear him say he forgave her. “You have no idea how much that changes everything for me now.”

“If it means you feel stronger and more determined to get better now then good.”

“I love you now as our son’s daddy and I know he’s going to be OK.”

Shane hugged her once more and let out a long exhale through his sore, dry bloody nose before giving her a kiss on the cheek. “Come on, help me pack some of his favourite things.” He took hold of Jodi’s hand and lead her back to the bedroom where she finally felt braver to ensure her son had all of his home comforts with him when they left.   
***

It took until 11am for the parents to gather enough things for Cobi while the boy played happily in his crib. Jodi had never seen him so content so he knew he felt comfortable in his daddy’s company. Since hearing Shane’s admission of forgiveness she’d cheered up and felt a weight lifted off her. She still felt sick over having to kiss her son goodbye but Shane had already promised to arrange for Nicky to drive to work the next day so he could give her a lift to the café for lunch so they could all sit together and break the ice as they moved forward. Jodi was more than happy with the surprise gesture and felt they’d taken a huge step forward into a happier future. Although Shane was to contact the rehab centre to have Jodi checked in ASAP, he wanted her to keep seeing Cobi until she was sectioned again. He wanted her to know she wasn’t being pushed out anymore and that she could still be a part of their son’s life. It wasn’t easy for Shane to come to this decision but after a lot of careful thinking on Cobi’s behalf he felt it would be better this way. 

After loading the boot of his car with as much as he needed for now, he strapped the car seat in and returned to the house where Jodi was cuddling her boy. “All set.” He announced.

Trying to hold back more floods, Jodi smiled and kissed her son. The boy gave Shane a massive smile as he held his arms out to go to him. Shane didn’t rush to snatch him away though. Instead he stood close to the mother and son and placed his hand on Jodi’s back, giving her a kiss on her temple. 

“I’ll text you later about lunch tomorrow. We can arrange sorting the rest of his stuff then.”

“Yeah that’s fine... I’m gonna miss you Baba.” She said to Cobi. “But Mammy will see you tomorrow... He’s used to me not being around so I don’t see him being that bothered anyway.”

“He will be when he realises he’s not at home and you’re around even less. I’m not expecting him to be an angel forever. It’s gonna be hard seeing him miss you.” 

“Thanks... Are you going with Daddy now? Yeah? Be a good boy for Mammy OK? I love you so much.” She gave him a gently squeeze and another kiss then handed him over to Shane. “He’ll be ready for another feed by the time you get home or wherever you’re going.”

“Ray if you need to talk later just call me, please. Don’t suffer in silence and drink yourself into a state.” 

“Thank you but I’ll be fine.” She smiled feeling more confident now. 

The broken family walked to the car and Jodi did the honours of strapping Cobi into the car seat. Shane waited by the passenger door, giving her a moment with the little one and fought back his own emotions. He’d got his son and it had been so easy. He wasn’t proud of himself but he was happy. He knew Nicky was going to be an amazing dad and he couldn’t wait to be a family. 

“You’re all set to go then.” 

“Ray...” he was conscious of the fact he’d begun calling her Ray again instead of the accidental Rhaiya or Jodi but she didn’t mind. Like the Care Bear comment, it made her happy to hear him use it as she considered it a nickname from happier times. “I need to stop calling you that!” he grinned. He placed his hands around her waist and pulled her close to him. “We’re gonna be all right... We have a son together and I’m not gonna shut you out anymore. I might not love you anymore or want to rip your knickers off but we still have a connection and I want you to know I do really care about you.”

“I know. I feel so much better already.” She smiled, nervous of his hold. “You’re a good person Shane. The best.”

As Shane stood staring at his ex, he finally felt he could trust her again. He could see a glimpse of who she used to be and although he’d never have romantic feelings for her again, a strong sense of commitment to their new friendship loomed over him and he was at peace. So took a chance on his gut and did the last thing he felt he needed to, to seal the fresh start. He moved one hand to cup her cheek and leaned in, pressing his lips gently over hers for a few seconds. As he pulled away to smile, a single tear escaped Jodi’s eye and she remained silent. She knew what it meant and made no attempt to repeat it but she licked her lips and grinned. She was free of guilt and a small puzzle piece of her heart clicked back into place. 

“Speak to you later.” He said, breaking the silence as he moved away to get in the car. He gave her a wink and smile as he climbed into the driver’s seat and she watched as the boys drove off.  
***

Waltzing into the café, Mark was surprised in his tracks to find Nicky wiping tables as diners made their way out. Confused, looking for Shane he chuckled and grabbed Nicky’s attention.  
“Is two jobs not enough?”

“Marky, hey man… what brings you here?”

“What are you doing?!”

“Helping… Mae was desperate and Shane’s busy so I said I’d do it. What’s up?”

“I can’t get hold of him and we’re meant to be writing some music this afternoon so I thought I’d see if he was around. You weren’t answering either so I… instead of panicking I came for a walk.”

“Sit down I’ll get you a coffee.” Nicky picked up the dirty plate and asked Robbie for a cuppa. Mae told him to make it two so Nicky could have a break so he sat with Mark. “I guess you haven’t spoken to him since last night then when you hacked my emails to find Jodi’s address?”

“Ah… yeah, sorry. Did he actually find anything?”

“You could say that. He was a fucking mess when I got home, I was worried sick when I found him crying on the stairs, threatening to kill Jodi. She’s mental Mark… she’s such a lying bitch… he went round at 7:30 this morning and I haven’t heard from him since.”

“What!? Haven’t you tried to make sure he’s still alive!? Anything could have happened to him.”

“He’ll be fine. I’m just worried about her! He’s gone to get Cobi. He’s coming to live with us.”

“Wait, what!? I don’t get it… why would she let that happen? What the fucks going on?” Mark wasn’t expecting to hear anything good had come of his breach but he was desperate to find out when Shane wandered in with Cobi in his carrier. 

“Shane!” Nicky jumped out of his seat and hugged his man. “Thank god you’re OK. What took so long?”

Giving the blonde some attitude, Shane blasted. “Sorry, did you expect me to steal him and run? We had stuff to talk about. Jodi’s a mess. I couldn’t leave until I knew she wasn’t going to do anything stupid… hey Freddie… I’m going to take him upstairs, you coming?” he asked Mark assuming Nicky hadn’t finished yet and they disappeared leaving Nicky slightly upset by Shane’s tone. 

Mae saw the frown on the blonde’s face as his boyfriend and friend left him to work so she dismissed him and told him to join the boys, thanking him for his help. She told them she’d come upstairs in a while to ask what they all fancied for lunch and promised to deliver it in her home.

Shane put Cobi in his bedroom and set up a monitor his end. He kept the other in his hand and took it with him back to the lounge where Mark was now sat with Nicky. “He’ll wake for a feed soon.”

“What happened?” Nicky asked, concerned. “Is she really OK?”

Shane slumped down on the sofa and sighed, covering his face. “Can we talk about it later please? I need a breather.”

“I can go if you…” Mark started but Shane shook his head.

“No it’s fine, I need a distraction. What’s up?... oh shit, yeah, sorry I totally forgot.”

“It’s really not important Shane. I didn’t know all this was going on… I know you don’t wanna talk about it but you’re OK right? She didn’t try to attack you again?”

Nicky sat on the arm of the sofa, staring down at Shane. He squeezed his hand on the brunette’s shoulder and kissed his crown. Shane shook his head and looked up at his blonde beside him and he felt guilty. He knew he had to tell Nicky he’d kissed Jodi but he wasn’t sure he could he explain it well enough for him to understand it wasn’t how it sounded. The last thing he wanted was for his man to think he’d cheated on him with his psycho ex. What he really needed was a one to one chat with Mark about it first but he didn’t want to brush him off after he’d been working hard all morning to help him out. 

“Just trust me when I say this… Rhaiya and I, we’re fine. We’re at peace and I need you both to now forget everything that’s happened and respect my decision to keep her in Cobi’s life and be friends with her.”

Nicky and Mark gave each other a confused look. Nicky clenched his jaw and wanted to shout but he remained calm. “Friends!? Do you mean, just be friendly at work?”

“No Nico, I mean be her friend. Treat her the way you did before you found out the truth. Talk to her about Cobi and us. Do everything I asked you not to… both of you.”

Mark wasn’t happy with the request either and rolled his eyes. “Why?!”

“Because Mark… I told you, we’re fine… she’ll be in rehab again soon but until then I need you to understand, I need to put the past behind me now and move on. I can’t live with the animosity anymore. She needs me… she needs help and…”

Nicky stood to his feet and couldn’t hold back any longer. “Are you fucking kidding me?! She needs locking up Shane, why are you helping her?! She doesn’t deserve your friendship.”

“Fine, just forget it.” Shane got up from the sofa and went to join Cobi for a lay down. He was so emotionally drained he just wanted to chill and mull over the last few weeks. He didn’t want to talk anymore, he just wanted to sleep and worry about explaining himself later. 

Mark growled and slapped Nicky’s chest with the back of his hand. “Nice work moron!”

“Me!? Why is he pandering to her? He’s just taken her child away from her, why would he want us to be chummy with her now!?”

“Obviously they’ve had a serious chat and he’s finally letting it go. Nicky, he was in love with her not long ago and she’s just given him their son to bring up… don’t you think it’s about time he let sleeping dogs lie? He’s got you now, he’s safe and happy again. This must be excruciating for him… we have to respect his wishes and listen when he’s ready to explain.”

“But…”

“Nick! Just drop it. Be there for him and calm the fuck down. This isn’t about you.”

Yelling back in frustration, Nicky huffed. “How is it not about me too?! Shane’s my boyfriend, we live together. I’m going to be that boy’s dad too.”

Mark blew up and screamed back. “Not if you carry on you won’t! For fuck sake… stop thinking about yourself and remember why you’re even in a relationship with him.”

“What’s that supposed to mean!?... come on, let me have it Mark, tell me what you really think.”

“I just don’t think you should question his decisions until you know why he made them. He’s not stupid Nicky. He wouldn’t…”

“So I’m being selfish?” Nicky argued. 

“Yes!” 

Nicky stared at him and tightened his lips as he nodded. “Fine.” Leaving Shane alone, the older boy stormed out of the house and made his way home not saying another word to Mark as he left.

Rolling his eyes Mark wasn’t sure what to do. He couldn’t be bothered to argue so he didn’t want to run after the blonde but he wanted to give Shane the space he wanted so he made his way to Shane’s bedroom door and tapped on it. “Shane, I’m gonna go buddy. I’ll talk to you later.”

Still lying awake on his bed, Shane asked if he’d heard Nicky leave already and then invited his friend into the room for the chat he wanted alone. Mark entered and perched his bum on the edge of the bed, listening to everything he was told about the last 18 hours. The baby’s dad felt bad for explaining to his friend before his boyfriend but he knew Nicky was too irate to be rational at the moment and he needed advise.   
Mark had always been understanding and had helped Shane through many issues over the years when it came to girls. Although he didn’t have the heterosexual experience he was good with relationship advice and he’d always know the right thing to say. 

“You kissed her?!” Mark repeated, surprised. “Wow.”

“Don’t judge me like that, you understand right?”

“Yeah I guess but I’m not sure Nicky will see it that way.”

“This is the problem. It wasn’t sexual… it’s not gonna happen again it was just closure. Do I tell him? I don’t wanna lie.” Shane sat up against his headboard and waited for Mark’s take on the issue. 

“Depends how you look at it I suppose. Do what you’re comfortable with and if he kicks up a fuss, I’ll have a word with him.”

“Like you just put him in his place you mean?” he smirked having heard the short argument. “He’s just confused and scared Mark. He’s gonna be upset, it’s still raw for him but I feel so much better now. I don’t want to hate her anymore. I want to be with Nico and be a family.”

“He wants that too, that’s why he’s so angry. He is scared, I know that but he needs to realise this isn’t about him.”

“He’ll be fine. He’ll cool down and be back in a bit. I’ll tell him and if he wants to be a bitch about it that’s up to him. I won’t hold it against him… but he’s giving her a lift here tomorrow for lunch so it’s tough shit really.”  
***


	14. Chapter 14

At 3pm Shane woke from his eventual nap. When Mark had gone home, Cobi was ready for his mashed banana and milk bottle lunch but now he was awake, watching his daddy stir as he cuddle his fluffy monkey. Shane smiled as he looked down on his happy baby boy; never knowing such a freakishly quiet baby but he was grateful for the peace and rest assured his son was content as he spread a cheeky grin behind his dummy. 

“You are far too cute little Filan.” Shane swung his legs over the bed to unstrap Cobi from his carrier. He’d been strapped in for far too long for Shane’s liking so he gave the boy a cuddle and kiss and made his giggle by blowing raspberries on his chubby cheek. “You are so perfect. I love you.” 

Babbling back at him, Cobi agreed he thought the same in his own little way. But Shane really did feel loved. The way Jodi spoke about him crying constantly worried him but he let it go in a hope it was just because he wasn’t getting any attention. So far he’d been an absolute angel and only whinged when he was hungry. All the cheeky smiles he kept giving his daddy confirmed he was happy which tugged at Shane’s heart strings. He just needed Nicky to give his head a wobble and stop being a dick then they could move forward and the brunette could prepare for his next grand gesture. 

“Come on let’s go for a walk.” Shane scooped his boy up into his arms and left the carry cot behind. He placed the boy’s padded winter jacket on and added a fluffy, bear hat to his head. “Where’s Gammar?” Gammar had been the automatic name for Mae after her first granddaughter couldn’t pronounce Grandma. 

Mae was downstairs getting ready to close up in an hour. Sunday was always quiet from 2pm so Peter would finish cooking by then and they’d only serve what was left over. It gave him chance to have a lay down before Mae started on their own Sunday dinner which she preferred to make in her own kitchen. She greeted the boys as they wandered through the café and asked where they going. She asked where Nicky had disappeared to so her son was honest in saying he wasn’t sure but was going to take a slow walk home to find out.   
***

After a spot of retail therapy Mark had made his way round to see Nicky and apologised for their earlier tiff. He considered the blonde a best friend too, not just his bezzies boyfriend or work buddy. The lads were close in their own way but they often fought and spoke their mind, just as if they were brothers. Shane never took sides during their arguments and found it amusing to hear them both rant to him about the same pathetic issue. It wasn’t long before the boys were over it and sat writing a new song. They wanted another original for Friday’s gig and as the two hadn’t written together before they figured it’d be a new outcome and worth a shot. They were so engrossed in their lyric scrawls they didn’t hear Shane enter with Cobi. 

Practising the lines to form a tune, Nicky belted out an extract. “... Is it your smile or your laugh or your heart? Does it really matter why I love you? Anywhere there's a crowd, you stand out. Can't you see why they can’t ignore you? If you wanna know, why I can't let go, let me explain to you. That every little dream comes true with every little thing you do...”

“It’s every little thiinngg, every thiinngg...” Mark began to adlib over Nicky continuing the chorus until he noticed Cobi waving at him in Shane’s arms. “Oh hey you.” Mark grinned waving back at his honorary nephew. “We didn’t hear you come in.”

“Clearly!” Shane chuckled, “New song?” he asked, walking into the lounge and placing Cobi down on the floor to explore. “Sounds good.”

Nicky waved to Cobi, ignoring his boyfriend’s questions, expecting Mark to reply instead. “Hey handsome, did you enjoy your lazy Sunday nap?” When the boy crawled straight towards him, he grinned and scooped up the little babe into his arms. “Roar, got ya. Ha-ha, hello.” 

Shane smiled and turned to Mark for some form of response to his queries. 

“Yeah we thought we’d give something a go. Nicky wrote most of it, here read it.” Mark passed him the paper and watched as it was read. “It’s about you, obviously.”

“No kidding... Looks good to me.” He looked at his two favourite boys and raised his brow, wanting to kiss Nicky for writing such a cute song for him but he left them to it and made a mental note to thank him later. “If I’m disturbing you we can go.”

Nicky soon reacted this time. “No! He’s only just got here. We’re not in a rush to get anywhere are we? Where are we even staying tonight?”

“Well I don’t know cos you fucked off earlier so we didn’t get to discuss anything.”

“You stormed off first not me. I only left cos dickhead over there started on me.” Nicky smirked at Mark. “Look, I’m sorry.”

Shane chuckled at Nicky’s half-hearted apology and wandered into the kitchen so the blonde handed Uncle Mark the lad and followed. “Coffee?”

“Shay... I was being a premature prick earlier. I am really sorry.” Nicky slipped his hands under Shane’s arms from behind and rested his palms on the brunette’s chest, propping his chin on his shoulder. “I love you.” He whispered. 

“Hmm, you better! We’ll talk later but please promise me you’ll stay calm and listen to me before jumping down my throat. It’s been a weird day. Once munchkins in bed we can go through it all.”

“OK I promise. So should we stay at your mam’s tonight?”

“Yeah the travel cot is back there. I’m picking up his furniture tomorrow after work so we’ll stay at the cottage then. I know it means having to drive to work every day but I’ll give you a lift on Tuesdays and Thursdays when you start the same time as me.”

“That’s fine, cheers.”

“If you concentrate on sorting this place I can worry about the cottage end. But don’t worry until after Paris.” Shane kissed his man on the cheek as he shuffled round him to reach for cups. 

“We’re still going then?! I wasn’t sure.” Nicky frowned.

“Of course we’re still going! And it’s gonna be amazing. I can’t wait.” Shane held Nicky’s neck in his hands and gave him a sloppy kiss then laughed. “I love you so much Nico. This isn’t going to be straightforward but it’s going to be worth it I promise.”

“I know. Who’d have thought 8 months ago when I dragged you back here we’d have our own family and be living together by now.” 

“It was the best game of truth or dare I’ve ever played beautiful.” Shane wrapped his arms around Nicky’s waist and pulled him into his groin. “And the best first kiss ever.” He added, kissing the blonde’s neck. “You... Are the best... At everything... Mr Byrne.” 

“Ah, you beat me at one thing.” Nicky exclaimed, his eyes closed as his cock stirred in his pants. 

“Mmm? What’s that?” 

“You give me better orgasms than I can give myself.” 

Suddenly a voice was heard from the lounge. “I heard that Nicky!” The lads laughed out loud but didn’t apologise to poor Mark’s innocent ears. Instead Nicky kicked the kitchen door closed with his foot and returned to his man where he nibbled Shane’s earlobe knowing full well it’d cause an erection. 

“Oi you. Mark and Cobi are right through there.”

“And Mark isn’t stupid enough to disturb us after that.” Nicky’s hand wandered to Shane’s waistband and he slowly slipped it inside, stroking his pubic line to encourage his hard-on to reach for his fingertips. “We’ll be relying on everyone to keep on eye on Cobi now so I can make sure his daddy is stress free and completely satisfied with life.” 

“You’re such a bad influence sometimes...Mmm.” Shane tilted his head back as Nicky’s palm clasped his stiff and eager member. “God I want you so badly.” 

“You’ve got me babe.” Nicky plunged his tongue into Shane’s mouth as he stroked his shaft making him beg for more. “Where do you want this bad boy?”

“In your hand while you fuck me.” Shane whispered, surprising his blonde. He didn’t often take it for himself, he always preferred to be giving it to Nicky so the older boy didn’t want to pass up on the opportunity to swap ends. “Will you?”

“You could have picked a more romantic setting. Preferably in an empty house... But how can I say no?!”

“Say nothing. Just do it!” Shane told him, unzipping his man’s jeans to release his semi. “Fuck me Nico. I need to feel you inside me.” 

“Bend over then, you don’t have to tell me twice!” he chuckled and carefully but briskly entered Shane and pounded him over the kitchen table. The risk of getting caught or of being heard added to the excitement and it didn’t take very long for both boys to need a snog to muffle their orgasm. As Shane’s ejaculation filled Nicky’s fist he gasped for breath. “Feeling better now?” he chuckled. 

Tucking himself back in, Shane nodded and kissed his man. “Definitely! Thank you beautiful.”

“Good. Now make me a coffee, bitch!” Nicky slapped Shane’s ass with his clean hand and jumped over to the sink to wash away the Filan army dripping from his palm.   
***

By the end of the night, Shane had explained everything to Nicky as they sat in his bedroom above the café. Cobi was settled and fast asleep in his travel cot so it prevented voices being raised during the discussion. Since being seen to, Shane was more relaxed and the emotional talk went OK; Nicky was understanding and he didn’t kick up a fuss about the kiss. He accepted that Shane had handled the situation as best he could and he agreed to try and put his anger behind him too so they could see that Jodi got the help she needed to one day be a mum to their son. 

The lunch the next day had gone well too. Jodi was happy to see her little man over their break time and she was welcomed by Mae who served them all at their table. It was the first time the 3 adults and Cobi had sat down properly and not cried or argued. Nicky had admitted afterwards that it went better than he expected and it put his mind at rest. He offered to care for Cobi after work while Shane continued to collect the rest of his son’s belongings. He trusted the couple not to kiss again and he desperately wanted his sister to meet the boy so it was arranged for the blonde to take the boy to his parents for tea so they could all meet him. 

The week was a busy one but by Friday the lads were raring to perform their Valentine’s set at Stages. The advertising had been everywhere and it stated that the band would pose for photos after the gig with kisses allowed, on the cheek at least. Not that Paige needed an excuse but she was well up for smacking her lips back on Shane’s face as her crush hadn’t managed to subside. She’d even developed a bit of a fancy for Nicky too but wasn’t as forward with him… she wasn’t expecting the blonde to encourage Shane’s move that night, especially after her boss had admitted to her he’d kissed Jodi.   
Shane’s friendship with Paige had continued to grow and whilst they were often the only two people in the office, he felt he could open up to her about his life and get a female’s prospective on things. She’d sustained a girlie friendship with Jodi herself but the more she heard about the woman, the less she wanted to get close to her and chose to be on Shane’s side. The boss had practically begged her not to fall out with his ex as conflict was the last thing he needed now. He was touched by how everyone stuck up for him regarding his past but he only wanted to look forward and not be pitied anymore. 

Backstage, the lads said a prayer and each took a rose from the vase on the table. They intended to give a flower to a lucky lady in the crowd but Shane and Nicky already knew who they were passing theirs to. Kian had stayed out of the entire drama as much as possible and concentrated on work but he’d chosen to change companies and was now free more to be involved in the lad’s lives. It hadn’t taken long for the band to become the must see act in Sligo, like ever, so they were nervous that the crowd expected for the night was bigger than usual. They were imagining a room of annoyed male dates giving them an evil eye as the ladies swooned over them but Mark pointed out that it was public knowledge that he and Kian were gay so many a male eye would hold a twinkle too. He vowed to find the cutest guy in the room to give his rose to. He didn’t want to discriminate and Kian agreed. It was still a fix because Shane and Nicky had already chosen their recipients but the kissing selfies would make up for it.

Standing on stage as the audience waited in anticipation, Kian sat by the piano and began to tinkle the keys. Immediately, the room cheered as they recognised the intro to Total Eclipse of the Heart and Shane didn’t disappoint with the opening line, sharing the lyrics with Mark as their powerful opening number pleased everyone. Jodi sat with Paige at a table near the stage and sang along in their tipsy state. The other girl laughed as Paige melted at Shane’s voice and found it amusing that her new friend was so in love with her ex. 

“You really aren’t getting over him are you?” Jodi giggled.

“You were in love with him once, can you blame me?”

“Not really. He is pretty amazing… but he’s with Nicky and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“We’re friends Jodi and he’s my boss. I know nothing will ever happen but I can’t switch off my feeling for him. I’m happy just to be friends.”

“Mmm, please be careful that’s all I’ll say. I’d hate to see you turn into me over it.” Jodi smirked, making light of her comment. “I’m just glad they’re finally accepting me so I can be friends with everyone again.”

Paige smiled at her, knowing it meant a lot to her. “See… how can you not fall in love with these guys? I even fancy biting Nicky’s lip too.” She admitted receiving a chuckle.

“Oh for god sake… how old are you?!” Jodi laughed and shook her head at the hopeless fan girl sat next to her.

Shane's voice soft broke as he began the next song and the girl’s attention was stolen as he opened the next track. “Never knew I could feel like this, like I’ve never seen the sky before... seasons may change, winter to spring, but I love you until the end of time. Come what may… come what may… I will love you until my dying day.”

It was just between Shane and his love as Kian prepared for the next track on his guitar so Nicky joined in the beautiful slow love song from the spectacular Moulin Rouge movie. “Suddenly the world seems such a perfect. Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace. Suddenly my life doesn´t seem such a waste. It all revolves around you…”

Both boys then belted out the rest of the short track but everyone listened in awe. “And there´s no mountain too high. No river too wide. Sing out this song I´ll be there by your side. Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide. But I love you until the end of time… Oh, come what may, come what may. I will love you, I will love you… Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place.”

Jodi smiled as she knew the song was just for the lads and she thought it was a beautiful tribute to their love. She went over to the bar and checked her phone. She knew Mae was looking after Cobi for the night so she could get as drunk as she wanted before being locked away in rehab so she ordered 4 Jagerbombs, 2 Tequila shots and a fishbowl all to share. Money didn’t matter anymore either as she wouldn’t need to spend any in hospital and just wanted to go out with a bang tonight. 

After a couple more tracks, Kian and Mark took their turn at a duet and entertained the audience with their rendition of the Elephant Love Song from the same movie and Mark’s drama skills came out as they fooled around on stage, acting out scenes from the film. Shane rushed off to use the toilet while Nicky jumped offstage to order a pint. He noticed Jodi with a tray of everything and he sniggered, pinching her ass to get her attention. 

“Are you on a mission?!” he whispered in her ear.

“Abso-fucking-lutely.” She grinned. “I intend to get so rat arsed tonight I don’t wake up until tomorrow afternoon. With no child to worry about I can drink as much as I want.”

“True. Enjoy yourself. You deserve it.” Nicky gave her a kiss on the cheek and ran back to the side of the stage waiting to join the boys for their last 3 songs starting with one of their favourites, What About Now followed by the new track that just Mark and Nicky performed alone as they’d not had time to rehearse together as a band.

Shane grinned at the crowds as he stopped to thank everyone for coming. He announced they would be taking photos after the next song and that 4 lucky people would receive the roses. He thanked everyone for coming and introduced their last track. “The song you just heard was a cover but we think our vocals do it justice and it’s one our favourites to perform but this next one is by far our best number. We wrote it ourselves and it usually gets a good response. So please enjoy it and we wish you all a great evening. Thank you, this is Safe.”

As the song came to an end the roof was raised with roars of adoring fans. The girls in the audience did their whole fan girl business and waited eagerly in line to get a picture with the boys, all convinced one day they’d be number on in the charts. It was still a novelty to Nicky and Kian to get some attention but Shane and Mark took it in their stride. First in line was Paige and Jodi. The girls hugged their friends and congratulated them on a fantastic show. 

Jodi was surprised when Nicky passed her his rose and questioned his decision. “Ha, first come, first served is it?”

“No… it’s a peace offering. From me to you… and a thank you.”

“What for?”

“For giving me everything I’ve ever wanted. A perfect family with Shane.” Nicky smiled at his man as he talked to Paige. 

“Aww you’re so cute Nicky… thank you and you’re welcome.” She pulled her phone out to take a selfie with the blonde and kissed his cheek for it. “You’re a total angel Nicky, I can’t think of anyone better to be Cobi’s step dad.”

While Mark and Kian greeted more guests in line waiting for the other lads to be ready for group photos, Shane gave Paige his rose. “A beautiful rose for the beautiful lady.”

“Aww you big softy. Thank you.” Paige gave him a hug and held out her arm to take their photo but as she turned her pout to kiss his cheek, Shane leaned in and smacked his lips on hers as she pressed the shutter. “Wha… Shane!” she laughed. “Oh my god.”

“Ha-ha, sorry. Nicky dared me to give you a Valentine’s kiss so I didn’t want to disappoint. Now you can dream over that photo instead of the others.” He chuckled with a cheeky grin. 

“I can’t believe you just did that.” Paige was higher than high as the quick but unexpected feel of his lips lingered in her mind. “You are such a tormenter, stop it.” She back handed his chest, embarrassed by her crush’s attempt to tease her. “After kissing Jodi again I’m surprised it was Nicky who suggested it.”

“Ha-ha it’s fine. He likes you… and if I weren’t with him…” Shane raised his brow at her. 

“Can you stop entertaining my crush please? I’m embarrassed enough already.” Paige covered her face as she failed to hide the huge smile on her face. She wanted to melt to the floor and screech with excitement. Shane had just kissed her! She knew it wasn’t anything serious but he’d kissed her and she was over the moon. Their friendship was so strong she knew it wouldn’t be awkward but it had sparked a desire to want more and she knew she had to fight her urges even more now. She felt confident enough to curse Nicky to his face about it later but held it together for now as the girls moved out of the way for the rest of the punters to get a look in.


	15. Chapter 15

Once Shane had dropped Cobi off at Mairead’s for the day he arrived home ready to pack the car for their drive to Dublin airport. Nicky was at their own flat on Bridge Street waiting as they hadn’t picked up their passports since being at the yard all week settling into their new temporary digs with Cobi. Nicky was so excited to be spending the next 2 days in the most romantic city in the world. They’d had a heavy night after the gig but after one of Mae’s breakfast cures, the lads prepared for their getaway.   
When Shane opened the front door, he stepped on a hand delivered letter. It was addressed to him and looked very ominous so he folded it up and stuffed it into his pocket before shooting up the stairs to announce his arrival. When he asked Nicky to take their suitcases to the car he crept into the bedroom and unlocked his safe hidden under the bed. 

‘The thing for the thing.’ He smiled, holding the box in his hand. He was much more excited than Nicky about the trip as he kept his surprise close to his chest. ‘My life is perfect. Nicky is perfect. Cobi is perfect.’ He told himself but then worried about what looked like a solicitor’s letter in his pocket. He sighed and refused to open it yet, placing it in the inside pocket of his jacket with the box. ‘Nothing is going to ruin this trip. It’s Paris. It’s me and Nicky in Paris and it’s going to be the best day of our lives so far.’  
***

The flight itself was only an hour and half but by the time the boys had got to their hotel it was 4am in France and they were shattered. They collapsed on the bed and took 4 hours sleep before they needed to be up for their complimentary breakfast. It was a beautiful day though a little chilly so Shane wrapped up in a black jumper under his classic, double breasted, thick, trench coat. Nicky looked gorgeous as usual in his stylist grey scarf and beige leather, fur lined mid length jacket. Shane noticed he’d put his earring in, sparkling away in the crystal chandelier light of the bedroom. As Nicky checked his hair in the mirror, Shane’s heart melted. 

“Stunning.” He muttered. 

“Huh?” Nicky looked over his shoulder at his brunette staring. “What?”

“Nothing… ready?”

“Yup.” Nicky smiled, placing his wallet in his pocket. “You?”

“As I’ll ever be.” Shane took a deep breath and held his hand out to hold Nicky’s neck, drawing him in for a kiss. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too… are you OK?”

“I’m grand. Today is going to be perfect.”  
***

Walking hand in hand, Shane suggested the couple sat down under the Eiffel Tower to take in the view and soak up the late winter sun. The area was teaming with tourists taking photos of the monument and sitting on the surrounding grass with picnics. The cold temperature didn’t seem to bother anyone as all they cared about was making memories with their partners. Sitting on a bench, Shane pointed to a stand not far away of a street band serenading folk.

“Oh yeah. Aww they’re singing my favourite N*Sync song.” Nicky smiled as he listened to the lyrics on This I Promise You while Shane sang into his ear.

“… and with this vow forever has now begun…” Shane gave Nicky a gentle kiss to his neck. “Without you in my life baby, I just wouldn’t be living at all.”

Nicky closed his eyes as he took in the moment. Shane was singing to him under the Eiffel Tower, it couldn’t get better than that right? When he wasn’t looking, Shane held his thumbs up to the band. It was the sign they needed to invite a member of the public up to sing with them so as they did, Shane jumped up and told Nicky to stay there.   
“You’re not serious? Can’t you go a day without singing?”

“Not today!” Shane smirked and shook hands with the band as he reached them. “Hi guys. You ready?” Shane didn’t introduce himself but he pointed at Nicky and winked. “Every time our eyes meet, this feeling inside me, is almost more than I can take. Baby, when you touch me, I can feel how much you love me and it just blows me away. I've never been this close to anyone or anything. I can hear your thoughts, I can see your dreams. I don't know how you do what you do. I'm so in love with you, it just keeps getting better. I want to spend the rest of my life with you by my side. Forever and ever. Every little thing that you do. Baby, I'm amazed by you.”

Nicky couldn’t wipe the smile from his face as Shane did his business and people stopped to watch. A few people already knew what was going on as the band was often around for the duty so they stood to film the special moment. The brunette singer continued the song to the end but once the last line was spoken, the music carried on, instrumentally and Shane spoke into the mic.

“Nicky, you amaze me every day with your absolute beauty and trust in me. You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met and you blow me away in everything you do. You’ve supported me through thick and thin this last year, less than a year, but I know I could never go back without you by my side. We have so much to be thankful for already and a bright future with our little family but there’s one thing I don’t have.”

Nicky stood to his feet, confused and slowly shuffled closer to Shane at the mic. ‘What is he playing at?’ he grinned as people stared.

“I need you to do something for me… I need you to promise me you’ll continue to amaze me every day for the rest of our lives… one day as my husband… Nico babe, I love you so much I want to be yours forever, will you marry me?” Shane produced the ring from his pocket and the crowds roared into cheers while he waited for an answer.

Nicky covered his mouth as his jaw dropped. He definitely wasn’t expecting this so soon into their relationship but it made sense so he nodded and ran to hug his now fiancé to let Shane give him the ring. “Of course I’ll marry you!” he kissed his man and cried with tears of joy as everyone around them clapped. “I can’t believe you.”

“Ha-ha, how could I not use this opportunity to propose? We’re in Paris! I’ve had the ring for weeks.”

“It was perfect. Just like you. I love you too Mr Filan and you make me the happiest man alive.”

“Good because I intend to keep it that way… Mr Filan-to-be!” Shane kissed Nicky again and dried the tears from his cheek. “You complete me.”

Nicky waved at their audience and thanked the band for letting Shane do his proposal. He had no idea Shane had already spoken to them to ensure his spot, until it was explained that it had been planned.   
“I didn’t realise you had the entire thing planned. I thought you just meant you’d had the ring for the perfect moment.”

“I’ve been planning this moment my entire life. When you gave me the tickets at Christmas, I knew it had to be done. We’ve been through so much and it keeps making us stronger. I couldn’t be here and not take a chance. You don’t think it’s too soon?” Shane feared despite Nicky already saying yes.

“No! Shane I’ve never been happier. Who cares how long we’ve been together. The quality of our relationship is probably better than Mark and Ki’s… thank you for making me the happiest man alive.” Nicky gave his fiancé a soft, loving kiss and pulled out his mobile to capture the moment in photos, resting his ringed hand on Shane’s heart.

The band offered to take some more snaps of the couple and gave them a business card with a website on it where locals posted proposals from their own personal mobiles. Being able to relive their moment just added to the joy it had brought and they couldn’t wait for someone to do the honours but they’d wait to check it when they got home. For the remainder of the day, Shane took Nicky for lunch at a Parisian café overlooking the River Seine before they took a leisurely stroll to see Arc De Triumph. He’d got an amazing night planned to celebrate their engagement but Shane kept it secret from his man until he suggested they went back to the hotel to change into something snazzy. 

The brunette had come prepared. He’d secretly booked tickets to a show and he’d packed his black glittery cuffed jacket over a sexy new shirt he’d bought just for Nicky to wear. 

“Cheers, it’s well nice. Where are we going?” Nicky loved his shirt and knew Shane wasn’t going to disappoint with his posh plans. 

“Well I know it’s not really our style but as we’re here and we both enjoyed the movie so much… I thought I’d take us to…”

“No way… the actual real…”

“Moulin Rouge.” Shane nodded, watching Nicky’s face light up. “We have VIP show tickets with champagne and macarons. We get queue jump, the best seats in the house and a photo with some of the cast.”

“That must have cost you a fortune. My ring looks like it broke the bank on its own.”

“So what?! You’re worth every single penny and more. So hurry up and get ready. It’s going to be spectacular, spectacular.” Shane laughed as he slid away with jazz hands.   
***

The boy’s night was out of this world. It was the most camp thing they’d ever done but the show was everything they’d expected it to be and they still had an entire day left to see more sights. The following day they spent as tourists, taking in the beautiful history and architecture of the city. Seeing Notre-Dame was a Disney lovers must but they also marvelled at the Louvre, drank coffee at Place de la Concorde, checked out the boutique shops to buy gifts and chilled in Tuileries garden. But the trip flew by far too quickly and before they knew it they were back at the airport.  
They decided to keep their news quiet until they got home so they hadn’t posted anything on social media. As Nicky took off to the toilet, Shane remembered the letter in his suitcase. He took a deep breath and chose to open it. It turned out to be more than a letter. There was several pages stapled together with Jodi’s signature scrawled on the bottom. 

Confused, the brunette read the statement and his high spirits took a nose dive. ‘What the hell is she playing at?’ He flipped through the pages and covered his mouth. “Oh Jodi… why are you doing this?”

Nicky re-joined his fiancé with a baffled expression on his face. “What’s that?”

Shane sighed and shook his head. “A letter from Jodi’s solicitor.” He gave the blonde the statement and held his hands over his face. “See for yourself.”

“What?... why would she do this?”

“Beats me… just when I thought we were making progress.”

“Well… it is progress I suppose but it’s a bit extreme isn’t it? Why would she do this?”

“I don’t know Nicky.” Shane snapped. “What am I supposed to do? I need to do what’s best for Cobi. I thought I was.”

“You are and she knows that. But it still makes no sense. So all we have to do is sign this and it’s legit?” Nicky sat down, staring at the words in front of him, shocked by Jodi’s legal request regarding her son. Shane nodded. “Wow… what are we going to do?”

“I don’t know. I need to talk to her and see what’s going on in her head. This is insane.”

Slightly offended by Shane’s reluctance to hurry a pen scribble to make it official, he stopped to have a word with himself. He knew this was a huge deal, a lifelong decision but it can’t be that bad surely. He knew Jodi can’t have been thinking straight but Shane was willing to help her get better and she was throwing that back in their faces.   
“Shay, it’s gonna be OK. We can make this work.”

Shane took Nicky’s hand and squeezed it. He stared at his beautiful fiancé and smiled. “Is this really what you want? It’ll change everything again.”

“Of course it will but I’m with you for life. Whatever the stupid cow wants to throw at us, we’ll handle it together. Cobi needs to be safe, he’s your… our, priority. Whatever is best for him, we have to roll with it.”

“I’m gonna kill her Nicky.” Shane threatened. His eyes were burning holes in the floor and he hated that she’d managed to rile him up all over again.  
***


End file.
